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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Sep 19, 1902
Page
3
A New York Times anecdote recalls Mark Twain in Egypt arranging a pyramid meeting with a friend who hired two elderly Arab guides. Twain later joked that his own language skills helped little as the old men spoke only gum Arabic, suggesting younger guides would have been clearer.
Pat walks by a storefront sign saying Apartments Furnished and asks to furnish a room. The landlady, surprised by his literal reading, explains she already has a furnished room to let and slams the door. The exchange ends with Pat left to ponder the misunderstanding.
Sonoma Michigan resident Delos Hutchins recalls suffering rheumatic pain from Civil War era swamp service in Louisiana. After initial little relief, local drugstoreist Feed Parker urged continued use of Dodd's Kidney Pills. By four boxes, back hip and leg pains vanished. Hutchins reports dramatic improvement though hands feet knees remain somewhat deformed.
Jenks and neighbor farmer Akers dispute settled through legal action. Akers says settlements were reached by their lawyers on the farmers’ lands. Cattle, property lines, and ownership terms are involved in the agreement.
An old advertisement promises relief and permanent cure for itching skin diseases including eczema and tetter. It claims money back is unsatisfactory and urges purchase of Cole's salve in 25 and 50 cent sizes from all druggists.
A sharp exchange questions a groom choosing to marry the former employee of his business. One speaker notes the novelty, while the other downplays it, citing common practice of men marrying and retaining wives in work roles.
Notre Dame University advertises in the paper as a premier Western institution. Readers seeking a college for the coming year are urged to contact the President for a free catalogue and details on terms and courses. The university includes a preparatory school, a Commercial Course, and St Edward’s Hall for boys under thirteen, emphasizing thoroughness, care, and devotion to students. Fifty eight years of active work have made Notre Dame famous nationwide.
A dialogue fragment from Detroit Free Press mentions a writer crediting multiple women for inspiration rather than his wife. The exchange notes humor about personal stimulus and creative help from others.
Great Northern Railway offers home seekers tickets from St Paul or Minneapolis to western destinations including Montana and Washington. The promotion runs on the first and third Tuesdays of July August September and October 1902 with a round trip fare.
An exchange in a Philadelphia Press piece mocks a newspaper ad about pajamas seen as a fashion fad. The humor centers on mischief over misinterpreted clothing trends and local curiosity about new styles in town.
An old patent ad claims one day cure for colts using Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. It promises money back if not cured. The note adds that artists and poets often reach high ideals by living near the roof.
A historical look at cyclone lore and preparedness in the Southwest Prairie West. Details on cyclone cellars in Western Kansas and Russian Kansas communities, Oklahoma farm practices, and beliefs about trees and settlement reducing storms. Mentions Newkirk and Osage Indian Reservation with past cyclone paths.
A Denver Post verse tells of a flirtatious couple on a country auto ride. The belle charms many suitors on Big Bug street until a scheming man lures her with an electric carriage. Rain and mud dash their hopes as they reach a railway town and miss the last train, leaving rivals to jeer.
The piece surveys American deserts from Mohave to Death Valley, noting shrinking wild fastnesses due to development and irrigation. It highlights life in harsh zones, mining camps, borax industry, and railroads cutting through deserts, while contrasting northern Wisconsin and Michigan clearcut devastation with natural desert grandeur.
A New York Times sketch describes Supreme Court Justice Leonard A. Giegerich answering a late night doorbell at 1 a.m. He confirms issuing a warrant in a stock transaction case after a fearsome interview with fourteen reporters. His brother Jim arrives with a missed train.
A convicted murderer who had been sentenced to five years in the penitentiary returned thanks in a Emporia Kansas court last week. The unusual scene drew attention as the inmate expressed gratitude for the proceedings and the opportunity to appeal.
The defendant expresses complete satisfaction with the verdict and sentence and thanks the court for its just and courteous conduct. He notes that not one jury in ten would have been so lenient and wishes blessings from God on the court and staff.
A prominent Philadelphia physician, a bacteriologist, argues that travel risks can be reduced by adopting European practice of sewing blankets into linen bags like pillow covers. He notes blankets rarely are washed between occupants in sleeping cars and on steamers, suggesting daily removal and replacement with cleaner coverings to prevent germ exposure.
A concise reflection notes that small comforts ease many everyday troubles. The author suggests that most hardships are ordinary and manageable, with tiny consolations providing quiet relief. The piece offers a practical, hopeful perspective on coping with common struggles.
Kansas tale of Eugene F. Ware becoming pensions commissioner despite being a poet. A Baptist preacher quipped that Ware wrote one poem too many that cost him a congressional bid. A donor sent ten dollars for the washer woman, but the check bounced. the donor raged at Ware for sentimentalizing imaginary ills.
A grain ship turned outlaw vessel named Pennebanke reappears as Kelpie smuggling arms into the Persian Gulf, then becomes Graf Schwarzfels on the South American coast. Renamed Shah-in-Shah, she aids exiles before a Spanish gunboat shells her engine room. Crew flee and salvage the wreck, but a cyclone sinks her off the Malay coast.
In a night session Representative Cannon delivers a flowing metaphor about moss, water, and forests during a debate on an forests protection bill. Representative Sherman quips that Cannon’s rhetoric outpaces his own musicality and suggests the moss does not grow on his back.
From Shenandoah, Pa., a recently released man visits a tavernkeeper running a respectable place. He lingers, seeks recognition, and, despite persistence, is refused further drinks after midnight. He promises not to return, but the exchange ends with a sharp line about not calling again.
A Chicago woman writes that after trying remedies she began Peruna in January 1901 and recovered from heart palpitations cold extremities and female weakness. She praises the remedy as a cure not a palliate and recommends it to others. The ad cites Dr Hartman and a catarrh explanation claiming Peruna cures catarrh anywhere and offers a free catarrh book and free advice.
A vintage advertisement claims Cole's Carboli salve stops pain quickly after burns or scalds and cures without scars. It urges buyers to choose Cole's, priced at 25 and 50 cents, available from druggists and medicine dealers.
Mrs Lockit and an exchange urge a rapid departure from town claiming the coronation proves their absence. The dialogue centers on packing and escaping to avoid suspicion or gossip about their whereabouts.
At a rural crossroads a debater questions the Panama Canal price tag of millions, suggesting that costs may rise from plans such as paving towpaths and other funding considerations. The remarks reflect public concern over infrastructure spending in an era of grand engineering projects.
Notre Dame's St Marys Academy advertises its curriculum likened to Vassar and Bryn Mawr, stressing earnest devotion and loyalty of teachers to develop capable women. It notes well-equipped classrooms laboratories study rooms, quality food and clothing, and Christian educational values in a favorable setting.
Yonkers Statesman report notes Mrs Crimsonbeak and Mr Crimsonbeak quarreling over accusations that he beat his wife with golf clubs. The exchange centers on a sensational domestic claim amid other humorous and historic snippets from newspapers.
A humorous snippet from Chicago Tribune Round Trip Homeseekers shows a family quipping about sermons before noting Great Northern Railway offers homeseeker tickets to Manitoba Montana Washington and western destinations on the first and third Tuesdays of July August September and October at about one fare for the round trip. Information from ticket agents or F I Whitney G P and T A St Paul.
Dialogue in Yonkers Statesman features Mollie and Charlie debating worth and affection. He seeks a "peach" with money, she quips that a wealthy girl is “a plum,” highlighting slang contrasts in a humorous exchange.
Noble C. Darrow of Minneapolis presents a typewriting machine. August Gruenwald of Columbia S D showcases a chair grace. Charles Sowden of Mont offers an automatic threshold. Henry E Way of Custer S D pre testing tablet. Frederick Whitehead of Butte Mont offers a water attachment for power drills. Lothrop Johnson patent attorneys Pioneer Press Building St Paul Minn handle filings.
In a Philadelphia Press item a clash unfolds over a jest about marriage prospects. Cholly-May Gabble quotes Gussie Gayboy claiming no women would marry them due to being too fastidious, to which Miss Pepperey retorts there was a misunderstanding and calls the pair two fast idiots.
Hall's Catarrh Cure is advertised as a constitutional remedy and is offered at a price of 75 cents. The notice presents a medical tonic claim and lists the cost for potential buyers. The advertisement emphasizes the product as a cure available to the general public.
A humorous Philadelphia Press quip about charity begins at home. The speaker notes their charity play left no profit, despite having a splendid house, implying the committee found actors as poor as theirs.
A fragmented wit remark from the Philadelphia Record reflects on social relations saying most people have only a fleeting acquaintance. The lines invoke a playful contrast between friendship and acquaintance.
A fragment from a dialogue mocks a physician Dr J H Rindlaub of Fargo North Dakota a specialist in eye ear nose and throat noting a summer girl’s remark about a novel and a mismatched yellow cover. The text also cites two newspaper quotes referencing the doctor.
A Chicago News item notes an undergraduate praising a woman nicknamed Miss Slick as the finest conversationalist he has met, claiming she knows all the track records for three years back.
A concise witticism on labor and trouble noting that work can distract yet sometimes becomes the source of distress. The saying casts a skeptical light on using toil as an escape from personal problems.
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