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This newspaper page contains 46 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Ames Times
Location
Ames, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Mar 05, 1908
Page
7
A humorous exchange among young men about wedding etiquette. A suitor seeks a respectful term for his future mother in law and recalls his own naming progress with his spouse. He explains they eventually settled on grandmamma for ease and sentiment.
A pair of excerpts contrasts a serene, rustic ideal with a punchline tale. The first quotes Pope on contentment and quiet living, the second narrates Pat’s drunken violence and a priest’s rat threat ending with a comically grim warning from a wife and cat.
An Irishman who jumped into the water to save a man from drowning accepted a sixpence from the rescued man. He looked at the coin then at the rescuer and exclaimed that he was overpaid for the job, calling the payment insufficient.
A humorous anecdote about a lonely boy Tommy who prays for sisters Ethel Maud and May. His mother notes they are too poor for many children, and he prays for one sister now and to inform God when he can afford the rest.
A detective on an anonymous letter case notes the offender wrote eleven words wrong on a single page. The detective quickly suggests the culprit was a typewriter or a sign painter and asks for a business directory.
A Massachusetts teacher punishes a boy for foul language by making him stand by a knothole with tongs to catch a rat. After hours he traps a live rat and proclaims the catch, causing the teacher to faint.
A fragment discusses ergotisms and a broker urging stock trading as a measure of merit. It reflects on universal dislike for those who avoid enemies and the idea of silent men who have nothing to say.
A New York press column contrasts sly social maxims with a humorous elevator train exchange. It reflects on caution in speech and advice and notes a punchline about octogenarians being a “sickly lot of people” who are only reported when dying. The piece blends aphorisms with a comic vignette about aging public figures.
A noted mathematician visits a small town hotel where drummers perform and a meeting of medical men sets up headquarters. A doctor says some M D s plan to kidnap him to study his brain. He replies he will continue his work even without brains.
A Massachusetts visitor pesters Lincoln with antiwar pleas. The president reveals a baldness remedy, gifts the bottle, and tells the man to apply it and return in three months with a report. The anecdote ends with the philanthropist leaving quickly with the package.
An English country squire hosted a tenant supper and dance. After the meal a farmer's wife wept and claimed she was insulted when a young guest remarked her programme was full, noting she had only eaten the chicken wing.
Edward recalls gifting a parrot that has lived in the parlor and suddenly echoes his fiancée Amelia and a request to refrain from kissing a photograph. The odd incident unfolds as he returns from foreign service and questions linger about hidden feelings and present gifts.
The present bishop of London recalls a train encounter with Dr Creighton a meek curate on board. Creighton an ardent tobacco lover offered his cigar while the curate replied humbly that he did not mind smoking if the bishop minded his being sick.
A southern Kansas politician with a reputation for avoiding debts faced a lawsuit. He hired Archie Williams to defend him. Williams won. After the verdict the politician offered $200 for the fee, but Williams refused, saying he could not afford more and that $200 was all he could lose.
An English professor writes on the board that he has been appointed honorary physician to Queen Victoria. A student prank adds God save the queen to the announcement, turning a formal note into a playful exchange in the lab.
A meditation on leadership praising a figure who avoids mob influence and gold’s enticements. The ideal leader embodies manliness, wisdom, courage, and service, born from the people and serving the nation without vanity or title.
A young man visits a house to see a young lady but is confronted by her mother who questions his intentions. The daughter then calls from the stairs and disapproves, saying that the caller is not the right match.
An account quotes General Andrew Jacksons colored body servant after Old Hickorys death. He says he is not sure heaven awaits the general, remarking that eternal entry depends on whether the general wanted to go there or not. If he did, heaven is reached. if not, not even hell could compel him.
An Irish soldier shows a tall hat with a bullet hole to a crowd, saying the hole proved he would have been killed if his hat had been lower crowned. The scene conveys relief and the dramatic close call during a confrontation.
An Alabama man and a former servant Jed exchange a racist quip about aging and rheumatism. Jed jokes his other leg is just as old and sound as can be. The dialogue reflects dated racial attitudes and humor from the periodical.
An English tourist questions an Irish farmer about cattle prices at a fair. The farmer expects about £8 per head, while the Englishman suggests £14 in England. The farmer retorts with a quip about the Lake of Killarney and a guinea drop.
A woman on a chair at the pier watches races as two Frenchmen nearby joke. She asks if she obstructs, and a Frenchman replies he prefers the obstruction to the view.
A CNBC style humorous vignette tracks pianist Vladimir De Pachmann wandering Catskills villages during his farewell American tour. He sees a piano lessons sign and rings a bell, discovering the teacher is the one offering lessons and raises a kindly, offbeat interaction.
A famed pianist De Pachmann visits a village home where a young teacher asks for help. He spends an hour offering errors and improvements, then later notices a sign declaring her as a pupil of De Pachmann with lesson terms.
A lawyer and a physician argued about their professions. The doctor sa id lawyers aren t all crooks but their work doesn t make angels of men. The lawyer retorted that doctors have the best of them all.
An Irishman trades on the canal boat to Glasgow asks the boatman to let him work his passage. He leads the horse the entire journey from Paisley to Glasgow and quips that walking would have been easier.
A Baltimore lawyer recalls a case where a client indicted for murder awaited a governor’s pardon. The actual outcome was not a pardon but a donor relative’s inheritance. The lawyer delivered the news that an uncle left the client $200, securing his payment.
In a Montana territorial session a measure sparked constitutional questions. One orator condemned it as opposing Magna Charta principles while another legislator argued Montana should act for itself, dismissing guidance from King John and his ally McCarty.
A father tests his son at supper by asking him to speak French for peas. The boy replies he does not want any peas, creating an awkward moment as the father beams with pride.
In a prerailroad Pennsylvania village a crowd awaits the evening mail. A man reads a New York weekly conclusion and shocks the crowd with a romance verdict claiming Himeralda Fitzhugh wed Reginald Abercrombie, not the election result.
A flirtatious dialogue unfolds as a poor eight dollar a week clerk pleads for a second chance. The young woman remains calm, dismissing his threats while they imagine distant ambitions and comic misunderstandings during a travel scene with a railway conductor joke.
A Civil War era poem honors women who support soldiers. It praises wives mothers and maids for courage as they shield tears and fears while cheering battle’s bloodless sacrifices and blessing their loved ones with steadfast devotion.
A lawyer tells his wife that after doing work for old Jones last month he offered to bill him for free. Jones thanked him but asked for a receipt, prompting suspicion about the attorney's motives and honesty.
In Hartford two Congregational ministers Dr Burton and Dr Gage were friends. After a burglary, Gage boasted of trapping the intruder. Burton quipped that the moment was perfect to deliver his Palestine lecture, highlighting a claimed missed chance to teach.
An old deacon pleads for a wayward brother, calling for spiritual discipline and fervent salvation. He prays to bind hands to the gospel plow and set the tongue to truth, hoping to steer the man toward repentance and renewed faith.
A girl recounts a father’s favoring Venice during a tour in Italy. He loved the city not for gondolas or St Mark's but because he could sit in the hotel and fish out of the window, a humorous quirk of travel memory.
A Maryland farmer traveled twenty miles to hear William J Bryan lecture in Washington. He confronted Bryan after the talk, saying he expected a speech on The Price of Peas but Bryan delivered The Prince of Peace.
Senator James A. Hemenway recounted for farmers a tale of a widow paying off a heavy mortgage with one wheat crop. After the talk a farmer asked who the widow was, and the senator replied it was a true story about a woman of the kind he admired.
Two travelers tour Egypt speaking of the Pharaohs and Moses with awe and confusion. They marvel at Cheopland and the Nile while noting the oddness of ancient sites and modern confusion.
William J. Bryan recalls a Nebraska funeral where a visiting preacher invited brief tributes to the departed. After several speakers offered remembrances, an old brother rose and pivoted the discourse to tariff remarks, sparking attention amid the proceedings.
A Baltimore physician aboard a crowded car asks a German man sprawling over seats to move so a tired woman can sit. The man retorts that the seat is already taken by his wife, delivering a humorous exchange reported in Harper's.
In a legislative misstep John Allen described Mississippi elections with a grim boast about firing guns before polls open to warn black voters. The remark drew incredulous reactions as he defended election fairness with violent framing.
During an opera performance a famous soprano fled to her dressing room sobbing after a mouse appeared on stage. Her maid calmed her while the manager’s assistant asked about the curtain call. The singer balked at repeating the aria without extra money.
A child asks if dolls reach heaven. The mother explains heaven is for people. Ruth imagines refusing entry and staying with her doll and rockin chair by the fire, in a simple, hopeful exchange from Lippincott's.
A negro preacher spoke earnestly on miracles saying the greatest miracle was the loaves and fishes. He claimed 5,000 loaves and 2,000 fishes fed all twelve apostles and they did not bust.
The Sunday school session ends with the superintendent introducing Mr Smith for a short talk. He starts by saying he hardly know who to say when a small voice from the rear lisp says the children’s amen and thit downs causing convulsions among the class.
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