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Newspaper
Washburn Times
Location
Washburn, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
Jan 02, 1908
Page
7
A regiment lined up for church parade but the church was under repair and could hold only half. The colonel ordered the men not wishing to attend to fall out on the reverse flank. About half stepped out, then the rest were marched to church, as they needed it most.
Coleridge contemplates the paradox of a good and great man gaining wealth and honors. The speaker argues that true treasures are inner virtues and steadfast companions rather than public favors, with the self, the Creator, and death as the ultimate companions.
An old lady argues for civil behavior over engineers while a humorous debate about giant ants and their imagined roles on a western tow road ends with a twist of elephants in the east. The dialogue preserves a folksy newspaper vignette tone with brief, quirky exchanges.
A man borrows a grip mistaken for his own and hides it among his baggage on a station bus. A young woman later discovers the digression, asserts ownership in a firm voice, and retrieves her grip. The exchange ends with a polite apology and request for his pipe and nightshirt.
A man hired to inventory furniture in a mansion naps in the parlor beside an empty bottle. The master list remains, with only one notable entry at the top: a solitary revolving carpet.
A clergyman asks his wife about a curate’s sermon and learns it was the poorest ever heard. Later the curate reveals he preached one of the unseen sermons the clergyman had prepared but never used, turning critique into clever wit.
In a courtroom exchange the prosecuting attorney questions a woman who refuses to reveal her age. The judge presses for an answer, while the witness insists age is none of the court’s business, sparking a tense dialogue over truth and impartiality.
The prosecuting attorney moves to punish contempt but the witness refuses to answer, noting women’s rights and public sentiment. She heckles the court with a pointed critique of elected officials, prompting the judge to drop the question.
A woman asked Abraham Lincoln for a sentiment and his autograph. He replied with brief practicality, advising that when writing to a stranger for a letter one should enclose a postage stamp, then signed A LINCOLN.
A small town beginner in newspaper work sends a telegraph query about a column story. The telegraph editor replies with six hundred words, prompting the writer to claim it cannot be told in less. The editor then challenges with the twist that the creation of the world can be told in six hundred words.
A German professor disciplined a child for mischief at home. He later learns the girl he whipped was not his own, revealing a mixup as the family discovers another child had been visiting. The incident ends with astonishment and a humbling realization.
A local vignette recalls Pat laughing at a wedding toast about “May all your troubles be little ones” and singing a rephrase wishing long life to the couple with “troubles” becoming “little babies.” The anecdote, cited by Lippincott’s, highlights a playful nod to wedding congratulations.
A hostess recalls a luncheon where Kipling the dog behaved oddly. He sprang up at the waitress, dived for the cake on a sideboard, carried it to the parlor, left cake crumbs on the sofa and rug, then sat and glared. The guest learns Kipling was not the writer but their pet dog.
A lady sought a physician of a bygone era to treat her infant who was slightly unwell. The doctor prescribed castor oil. The mother protested that castor oil is old fashioned, but the doctor replied that babies are old fashioned things.
A Harvard student aiming for a PhD asked President Eliot to award his degree as F. D. or D. F to reflect his spelling reform specialty. Eliot agreed, joking that the degree could be D. F. if insisted.
A 19th century summary notes the Roman senate as an executive body without law making power and contrasts it with the largely legislative American Senate. It traces seat counts from Romulus to Caesar and Augustus, outlines eligibility rules, and cites wealth requirements leading to senators losing status, ending with a Pottsville area reference to Senator Hoar.
A street wagon carrying lamp globes collides with a truck in New York, many globes smashed, and strangers rally to help the driver. An old benevolent man initiates a hat collection, but the driver reveals the donor is his boss in disguise.
Visit notes a Walters trial in an Arkansas county for stealing a watch. The jury debates amid conflicting evidence while the judge offers help and a lingering juror asks if the prisoner actually stole the watch. The scene captures courtroom tension and doubt.
The Livingston Democrat notes the Genesee River’s winding course from Genesee to Mount Morris, describing a path that travels 28 miles by river but only six miles by road, with loops around Piffard and Geneseo and the river bending back toward Piffard.
A seafaring father returned from abroad to stand as sponsor for his infant son. The christening occurred in the vestry with the minister sprinkling, prompting the father to whisper a quip about catching a “pinny” after noticing more than his face was wetted.
Young James Cook at seventeen faced theft charges after swapping a bright shilling in a Staithes shop till. The master accused him, but Cook proclaimed his innocence and refused to stay, saying a thief remains a thief. He then moved to Whitby to pursue a sea apprenticeship.
After Ramillies, Lord John Hay compelled 1,200 king's foot to surrender their arms and cut a notch from their breeches to prevent fleeing. They marched under guard of 25 dragoons and a sergeant. Charles XII similarly used a constraint on Muscovites after Narva.
An Irishman in Dublin crosses the street to ask a passerby the breed of a dog. The man, irritated, replies it is between a monkey and an Irish man. Pat retorts that the dog is related to both of them.
In Perth Scotland a man named Jamie, famed for convivial habits, lies at the foot of an outside stair one night. An acquaintance asks if he has fallen, but Jamie replies that he fell while going down, accepting the outcome with resignation.
An illustrated 40 page trap book and fur catalog lists 46 wild animals in natural colors with prices for hides and furs. Postpaid for 10c stamps of silver. Free to customers who ship to or buy from N. W. Hide & Fur Co. Minneapolis Minnesota.
A historic advertisement touts Dr Shoop’s Cough Cure as a harmless remedy for tickling coughs in both adults and infants. It cites a green mountainous shrub resin as the healing ingredient and calls the plant sacred by Spaniards, urging demand from all dealers.
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