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This newspaper page contains 17 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Vernal Express
Location
Vernal, Utah, United States of America
Date
Feb 17, 1911
Page
12
Andrew Carnegie told a New York dinner joke about a Scotch Highland inn. A US divine tipped a maid a sovereign on Christmas morning and complimented Kathleen. Kathleen blushes and Milady Janet is praised as the divine asks her to leave the room.
A Boston suburb woman waits for a car as an old starter on a keg of chewing tobacco responds with a rambling timetable. The exchange ends as a humorously vague forecast of when Meg will pass, reflecting the era’s streetcar humor.
A visitor asks about a strange sound in an apartment house. The line implies a patient dentist scene below and above, with a playful guess that Popley’s baby is getting a tooth. The exchange hints at a humorous domestic moment across floors.
A medical student jokes about choosing a specialty with the question disease of the nostril. The professor follows up asking which nostril, prompting a quip about the narrow focus in a light Success Magazine tone.
In a dim hallway at 1am Mrs Dor Dorkins confronts John about dissipation at the club while a voice outside calls to Maria. The tense exchange ends with Mrs Dorkins opening the door as John denies the charges, in a scene described by the Chicago Tribune.
The North British Distillery is to close, marking the fourth large grain distillery to halt operations in Scotland recently. The move reflects a strong temperance wave sweeping the country and portends more closures ahead as sentiment grows across the industry.
In a New York plea for the Irish cause T P O'Connor recalls a 60s 70s Irish tale of Thirsty O Grady who posed as a corpse to solicit alms outside a door. An old woman drops coins and the still figure urges not to mind the change.
An elderly Pennsylvania German man walking in the mountains started his journey at dawn and was overtaken by an automobile, the first passing there. The driver gave him a lift, delivering him to his destination in about twenty minutes, prompting the man to thank the driver and remark he would have preferred to be home sleeping two hours earlier if he had known.
Governor elect John W Tener recalls a Charleroi town lot game where a derby wearing outfielder leaped for a high fly, missed the ball, jumped over a pond, and the ball struck his hat crown and lodged there while the base runner was out.
The London Telegraph recalls a quip about a “friendly match” in golf. The old Scot’s opponent mentions breaking a trivial rule and asks to claim it as friendly. The retort emphasizes that in golf there is no such thing as a truly friendly match.
The Mexican insurrection escalates into real warfare as Orozco and rebels clash with federal troops at Bauche, seventeen miles south of Juarez. Casualties run high with both sides reporting significant losses while a Red Cross train is barred by federals. Major Lapowski in the USA notes a rebel victory as Juarez looms as the pivotal objective.
A garbled pastiche of ad copy and quotations hints at a satirical piece on finance and virtue. It mentions a gentle remedy for teething and soothing syrup, and mocks the idea of men borrowing trouble versus buying it by the bottle.
Dr Caldwell, a stomach liver and bowels specialist, asserts Syrup Pepsin treats stubborn constipation by training stomach and bowel muscles to work naturally. Supported by John Grateling and J A Vernon, the remedy claims lasting relief with tonic ingredients and nerve strengthening effects. Free sample offer available by writing Dr Caldwell at Caldwell Building Monticello Illinois.
The founding hospital at Ekaterinoslav in south Russia is closed after astonishing disclosures. In six months 1,060 infants were admitted and 1,002 died. Nurses on the payroll numbered 65, but only 3 were employed. Many infants reportedly starved, with feeding tubes in empty bottles.
In Sunnyside Utah three unmasked bandits held up Victor Albert Jenkins of Salt Lake City and George Pentley of Sunnyside in the street Sunday morning mortally wounding Jenkins and wounding Pentley. Two suspects were captured at Woodside while a third fled. a further note reports another case of a wife dying by her own hand amid embezzlement rumors in San Diego and a navy officer charged with theft.
A masked man robbed the cashier of $3,300 at Chicago's well known Rectors restaurant after securing Sunday night receipts. He fled the scene early Monday, leaving the venue in downtown Chicago.
A Cheperfield commission on submerged lands reports a large land grab in Springfield Ilu nolé. An estimated $260 million worth of public domain land has been acquired by private interests, prompting questions about the legality and impact on public resources.
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