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This newspaper page contains 19 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Rocky Ford Enterprise
Location
Rocky Ford, Colorado, United States of America
Date
Dec 13, 1907
Page
3
A miscellany of humorous snippets from Home Magazine and a Philadelphia Record comparison. A ditzy exchange about a fiancée called toot and a playful quip about a dog’s tongue balance a lesson anecdote. A late night elopement plan closes the column.
A pompous city official returns home to find dirt piled at his doorstep after a workman digs a ditch. The officer confronts the laborer’s shovel crime and is told to dig another hole. A blunt moral note closes the brief fragment with a stray sentiment about generosity.
The British bark Calcium, returning from Greenland with cryolite, reports fierce Arctic mosquitoes during loading at Ivigtut. Capt. Zureker says storms and ice did not stop the voyage, which lasted 33 days, while sister ship Alkaline faced weather delays and is due home soon.
In North Woburn a farmer Alcibiades Brown claims he saw a bear waltzing in the woods. The animal reportedly climbed trees, bit branches, sprang between trunks, then posed on its nose and feet. Residents fear the bear may spend winter nearby.
In Baddeck Nova Scotia a float supports a cradle for Dr. Alexander Graham Bell’s air ship. The cradle can tilt in either direction and be towed by a tug. When raised the airship’s vast silken surface appears as observations are made.
Washington notes Theodore Roosevelt deposits his $4,166.66 monthly presidential salary in a leading Washington bank to counter hoarding, with autograph seekers and souvenir hunters dispersing signed checks. In Columbia, Pa., Justice C. H. Stover plans a chickens dispute trial by observing roost choices to judge which party owns seven fowls.
Mrs Joannah Straw of Canton reports three years of rheumatic limb pain and back ache with headaches and dizziness. She says kidney secretions were thick with solids before starting Dean's Kidney Pills, now aged 51 and in good health, able to work and sleep well. Sold by dealers for 50 cents a box. Foster Milburn Co. Buffalo NY.
Miss Marie Cahill the actress used the Bertillon system to select chorus girls for her new play Marrying Mary. She says the method helps avoid mirages and guarantees the real thing, then shares a humorous tale about misheard marriage.
A barber explains lathering only in his shop as an Englishman mocks Yankee business practices. A former tenant, later prospering as a dentist, exacts playful revenge by opening a new clinic opposite the boarding house with a bold window sign promising steel pointed teeth.
A traveling man in a Chicago hotel boasted that no house in the country has more men and women selling his goods. When asked what he sold he shouted “Baby carriages!” and fled the room, according to Success Magazine.
A reader testimony extols Grape-Nuts and Postum as cures for indigestion and fatigue caused by heavy meat diets. A Illinois man claims improved health and weight gain after switching, noting his wife and a 68 year old neighbor also saw benefits. The ad promotes the products and the slogan There’s a Reason.
In New York, Prince Dabro of Egypt lauds the U S cotton system as superior to Egypt's lax regulation and recounts a comic Pennsylvanian undergraduate tale where a calculated risk at a skating spot wins a girl’s admiration, illustrating cleverness and courage in romance and industry.
A Piermont New Hampshire mother recalls her son’s severe infant eczema beginning at four months. Persisting until age three years four months, the boy endured great misery. After using all three Cuticura products, he improved in two months and was fully well in six months. The note is dated October 24, 1905.
A Pennsylvania clergyman at a Philadelphia house party offered a pointed rebuke during grace. He noted the younger son’s habit of quickly seizing bread and concluded with a prayer asking thanks for what they were about to receive and what the boy had already received. The scene carries Harper's Weekly’s satirical tone.
An old advertisement montage touts Hall’s Catarrh Cure with a $100 reward for incurable deafness, plus jokes and sales pitches for Defiance Starch and various patent medicines. Includes comedic quips about marriage and laundry, and a claim of permanent cures for fits and nervous diseases by Dr. Kline.
A San Francisco Argonaut anecdote recalls how Mrs Blank, after losing her cook, cooked for Judge Blank on Pacific Avenue for a week. The judge rewarded her with an ermine cloak, provoking envy among social circles. Mrs Jerome tests a similar wager, asking what she would gain in a week. Jerry Jerome predicts a long crepe veil as the prize.
A teacher assigns grammar corrections to pupils in a morning session. Illumination, or Ignatius, after 15 minutes writes a humorous rebuttal: "He didn't done it, God done it." The quotation reveals playful student wit within a classroom moment.
An old advertisement promises a 14 day piles cure with Fate ointment and urges asthmatics to write for a life changing remedy. It is framed with motivational quotes from Marcus Aurelius and Rev J R Rader in a Denver address.
The advertisement touts Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna as a trusted laxative. It claims cleansing and gentle relief without debility or dosage increases, stating its ingredients are physician approved and available only from the California Fig Syrup Co. through leading druggists.
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