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This newspaper page contains 13 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Mitchell Capital
Location
Mitchell, South Dakota, United States of America
Date
Jul 24, 1908
Page
5
In 1902 memoir style, a veteran narrator recalls Gettysburg wounds and a romance in Washington. He uncovers Loretta Blake’s mistreatment by her aunt, helps her escape to her physician uncle, and reveals Loretta’s father funded education.
A narrator seeks an interview with St Peter about heaven’s marriage ban. Editor Rhadamanthus and the gatekeeper mock the premise, arguing little things drive happiness, including meals, hair, and domestic order, as the Daily Fidget pushes for authoritative statements.
In a satirical dialogue with Judge Rhadamanthus set in Elysium, a narrator probes marriage rights and freedom for spouses. The judge grants liberties to all, notes few meetings between married pairs, and jokes about Lethe water erasing memory. A dramatic interruption ends with a misfired doorway escape.
London Tit-Bits recalls a courtroom exchange where Mr Petigru argues that law requires a black coat, and the judge insists on proper attire while acknowledging the letter of the law. The barrister asks if a cocked hat implies a cocked sword, and is allowed to proceed.
A faded notice from Falmouth England lists Roger Giles offering various odd goods and services. It claims he teaches grammar and language, sells musical instruments and household items, handles falderal like fake livestock, and advertises a broad, humorous catalog of wares and tricks.
New York aboard the Provence of the French line J Pierpont Morgan occupies two suites in the captain's apartments for privacy. He jokes it feels bully to be a doctor, declines to speak on Mr Cleveland, and says he is optimistic about the financial outlook with better times ahead. He insists the bottom has not fallen out and calls it optimism.
Poem condemns wartime slaughter and the cult of fame referencing blood in ink and laurel, the unborn, and ruthless sport. It laments lack of compassion and questions divine patience as war rages and famine and disease devastate. James Jeffrey Roche credits.
A humorous exchange centers on Mr Yallery whose compliments delight a young woman. The commonplace man argues about jealousy while she questions what makes his praise appealing and whether a gown can be a poem. He insists on his own flaws and mocks the waist as merely a shirt waist.
The conversation centers on a man’s awkward flattery of a woman as he uses blossoms to describe her. He veers from botanical comparisons to hesitated compliments, while she critiques his evasive about perfection. The exchange ends with her cautiously encouraging him to continue.
A bizarre fragmentary poem set names in odd couplets and jokes about family members. The pieces reference Miss Marella and a feverish cat, backyard concerts, a Miss Lena and a new gown, Louis buying booties, and a couple Roxana and Hanna with a child. The Boston Transcript is cited for Hepzibah.
A reader recalls a cartoon titled The First Spank and narrates a family-figures joke about a little boy asking his mother whether his grandfather spanked his father and whether his father spanked him, concluding with the question who started the cycle.
Adolphus enjoys the last slice saying the bread is very good. Mrs Thompson, the landlady, agrees it is better than bread from some of her boarders.
A license clerk counsels to think it over before applying for a marriage license, urging careful consideration of the decision and timing.
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