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This newspaper page contains 5 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Lamar Register
Location
Lamar, Colorado, United States of America
Date
Mar 05, 1898
Page
3
A humorous vignette describes a nervous groom at his wedding who says yes and signs the register amid rain and laughter. The scene shifts to a quip about media respectability and a brief aside from a salesman offering a whisky substitute, interrupted politely.
The wealthy uncle mocks the shiftless Thomas while the poor relation bristles at being called a failure. He retorts that the rainbow has none to support and cannot make both ends meet, a compact exchange of pride and poverty.
A wry quip from Pick-Me-Up has an eminent eye surgeon replying that mastering the operation in ten seconds cost more than ten seconds felt, noting the expert has ruined more eyes than the patient could imagine.
A local signature claims a genuine butter find linked to Placer Pete and Juneau Jake, amid a humorous note on an Austrian language dispute and a punchy war of words. Authorities say the tale is part of regional lore and accounts for nothing more than a playful exchange.
The Monitor reports a two year verification of Reuben Petch's claimed paralysis cure after taking Dr Williams Pink Pills for Pale People. Initial reports described five years of paralysis and two years unable to dress, with a $1650 total disability payout by Canadian Mutual Life Association. Careful follow up shows return of movement, sensation, and independence, leading to assertions of permanence and praise for the medicine.
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