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This newspaper page contains 18 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
May 16, 1903
Page
6
An anxious mother pleads with a physician in a courtroom style exchange. The judge notes the case concerns a disease described as dangerous with the patient shown at an advanced stage during a breakfast scene.
Clara asks about Easter church attendance while Alice jokes about cooking plans. Little Willie plays with a kitten and remarks on its claws, calling Kittie a handy pincushion in a childlike moment.
In a clipped exchange, Mrs Newrocks vows Cynthia's debut will go off with great éclat while Mr Newrocks questions the cost. Maria listens as the chatter hints at social splendor and expense.
A Kansas City Journal item notes a pompous Speaker declaring his staunch stance at a ward meeting. A small man, raising a point, asks humorously about a wart. The quip reflects local political theater and the voice of the ward assembly.
The text warns that eruptions such as eczema or salt rheum arise from humors inherited or acquired by faulty digestion and assimilation. It cautions against treating these eruptions with drying medicines and describes an alternative approach the author uses.
Hood's Sarsaparilla and Pills claim to thoroughly cleanse the blood and build up the system. They cite cures for eczema and pimples with testimonials from J. G. Hines and Miss Alvina Walter, while noting more favorable endorsements. A Parisian physician devises a chalk shell bullet for dueling practice, marking impact without injury, as a novelty in weapon training.
An advertisement explains deafness arises from inflammation of the Eustachian Tube and catarrh. It claims constitutional remedies and offers one hundred dollars for any case cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Circulars are sent free. F J Cheney & Co Toledo Ohio. Bold liquid pills are the best.
A Detroit Free Press quip notes laziness and wickedness, saying the strenuous men break half the harness trying to start a fifty cent load, a humorous take on effort versus payoff in hard times.
A light exchange in a Boston Courier item shows Mrs Jollyman remarking on Mr Jollyman’s reluctance to hurry to the office after returning from the club. He insists time is his own. The dialogue highlights their differing views on punctuality and personal time.
An old advertisement promoting Castoria as the trusted remedy for infants and children, highlighting its long-standing presence and bearing the familiar signature. The phrase “The Kind You Have Always Bought” reinforces brand continuity and reliability.
A San Francisco schools excerpt defines words with humorous misuses. Fathom is six feet and a fly has fathom. Species is kind. A young husband notes living on love during early married life while his wife jokes about spoon victuals.
Abram Howland threads through a shop crowd as neighbors press for the price of two yearling steers. He skirts the inquiry with plucked humor, claiming only that he may reveal the cost later, while noting Western beef prices and fattening plans.
A rhymed fantasy about microbes living carefree with no master and no worries. It contrasts their life with human burdens, noting independence and simple needs. The second item details a Missouri railroad curiosity where Helen Gould owns a two mile track connecting Iron Mountain and Missouri Pacific, earning 25000 yearly in transfer charges with the road responsible for upkeep.
Machinery has been ordered for the Argentine Republic to produce 20 tons a week of Molascult, a cattle feed from molasses and sugar. The text contrasts ancient faction warfare with modern discourse and criticizes sensational claims about humanity.
A wide mix of curiosities spans geography and history from the age of shires to Cherokee monuments. Notes on corn farming in the U S, wax origins, Persepolis umbrella bearers, and long-lived farm horses mingle with species migration theories, star counts, and a runaway star racing toward unknown cosmic limits.
Forgetful locals tell of a farm cat that winds a clock each day. Tabby sits before the timepiece, watches until the hands move, then climbs to the weight to wind the clock for another day. The piece notes a Senate directory with lawyers dominating the upper chamber and details origin and ages of several senators.
In Washington dispatch controversy grows over who controls theater bow office receipts as managers dispute revenue. Timber yields impressively with one California redwood yielding up to 80 000 feet from a 20 foot diameter tree cut last year. Some art pieces lack antique status yet appear unappealing.
Brief compiled notes reference scots using bagpipes in combat to boost morale and a joke about a limping Tommy Tuffaut. The item cites historical quips from Younkers Statesman and Atchison Globe. Includes ad lines for a 82.00 trial bettie and Piso's Cure.
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