Topics of the Times satirical musings and quips
A collection of aphorisms and light observations touching politics religion culture and technology. Mentions include Edison politics in the Oranges and playful takes on dreams of influence in towns and national debates with dated tone and humor.
Small Town Paving Pervasive and Pneumonia Rise
A Hamilton Ontario consul reports durable tarmacadam roadways in the city business district at sixty eight cents per square yard, cheaper and longer lasting than asphalt or brick. Separate notes warn of pneumonia’s rising deaths, now rivaling consumption, with Chicago mortality data and contagiousness evidence. Russia sees a petroleum corner stymied by railroad authorities in a high stake market intervention.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
United States
Hamilton
Ontario
Health Commissioner of
Chicago
Russia
Maku
Rockefeller
Baku
Salem Witch Trial Reflections On Democracy And Despotism
The piece argues that enforcing Sherman laws would curb imperial commerce power, contrasts democracy with despotism, and questions the Salem witch trials. It notes no mass fire executions occurred in Salem and Massachusetts and defends Cotton Mather and colleagues for using gallows over the stake, framing their actions as humane from their biblical view.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
United States
Russia
Salem
Massachusetts
Cotton Mather
Washington Star
Gallows Hill
New England
Guiteau the greatest statistician of our era
John W. Guiteau brother of Charles J. Guiteau, famed for his figures, is described as the world’s top statistician. The piece notes government contracts worth 25,000 dollars, insurance clients, and his claim that many business names have disappeared in twenty years. It warned of widespread speculation and financial ruin caused by get rich quick schemes and gambling on the stock board.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
John W. Guiteau
Charles J. Guiteau
Garfield
Guiteau
Gulteau
Dunn's
Headstreet
Rome
Antioch
Kead
New Orleana
St. Louis
Board of Trade
Two Kids Suits For Boys Ages Four To Ten
No. 1 features a chile plaid linen Russian blouse cut for a boy aged four to seven. No. 2 presents a white duck sailor suit trimmed with turkey red stitchery and braid, with a red alk tie, for a boy aged seven to ten.
Lithographic Stone in Greece Discovered Near Pharealia
In Theo caly near Pharealia a large deposit of fine grained limestone suitable for lithographic plates has been found. Solnhofen in Germany is famed for its lithographic stone and archaeopterix fossils, but Greek stone reported here may surpass earlier European examples.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Greece
Solenhofen
Germany
Athens
Theocaly
Harealia
Pompey the Great
Julius Caesar
Europe
A Vaciated Remark On Value And Parental Resolve
A short, reflective note contrasts a person’s outward status with true character. It dismisses reliance on appetite or appearances and suggests that genuine virtue comes from steady, practical actions rather than flashy, nonsensical acts.
Oregon Washington Idaho Resources Book Promotes Northwest
A press notice reviews the new jointly issued volume Oregon Washington Idaho and Their Resources by Rinaldo M Hall for Oregon Railroad Navigation and Southern Pacific. It highlights immigration, land, school, grain, irrigation, and industry coverage with chapters on farming dairying lumber mining and markets, praising railroads as builders of the Pacific Northwest and urging readers to obtain copies.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Oregon
Washington
Idaho
Oregon Railroad & Navigation Company
Southern Pacific Company
Rinaldo M. Hall
Pacific Northwest
Union of States
Illinois
Wisconsin
Ohio
Indiana
Iowa
Rocky Mountains
United States
Inquirer
Nebraska
Portland
Spokane
Southern Pacific
A. L. Craig
W. EF. Coman
Thirteen Inventive World Needs Offer Fortune
The Atlanta Journal lists thirteen possible inventions that could earn a fortune, including a wall-papering machine a quick-acting monkey-wrench a rust joint without nuts and bolts a scrubbing machine and an envelope that cannot be opened without detection.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Atlanta Journal
Hemming Lesson Sparks Dark Jokes On Bench
A young girl asks if anyone would mourn her mother s death and a plump peer retorts with a cold jab. A thin woman jokes about her father s death as a means to critique men seeking daughters, revealing sharp sarcasm and social nosiness among the bench group.
A Man of Business and a Rejected Heir
An angry father ejects a young man from the front steps while he touts his firm’s rubber soles and heels. The youth insists on the business prowess of his house, prompting the judge to ponder whether a great business genius is being dismissed by family kinship.
Expert rat catcher runs steady city business
A highly skilled rat catcher maintains a regular circuit of warehouses and hotels where rats are paid 144 pence per head. Live rats fetch 8 pence for terrier keepers, and nightly hunts yield 200 to 800 catches. Glove makers pay half a crown per skin, with large shipments from the metropolis.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Metropolia
Do you think It polite in Crimson Gulch cards scene
A colorful exchange in Crimson Gulch features a boastful fool and Three Finger Sam. The fool criticizes a man in shirt sleeves playing cards while Sam warns that fewer sleeves reduce suspicion. The passage then pivots to a social quip on girls choosing partners amid paternal indulgence.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Crimson Gulch
Three
Sam
Habits of the Seal For the Far and Oil
Immense seal rookeries near San Francisco attract visitors to Seal Rocks as crews of sealing ships drive perilous hunts across icy seas. The article details seal biology, hunting methods, and the dangers faced by sailors, noting the seals’ intelligence and gentleness once trained.
Splendid Exercise and Baseball Fans at the Game
A fan proclaims baseball benefits the liver and claims personal experience as he watches a game. The remark frames the pastime as a healthful pursuit and entertainment during the match.
Plea For The Bridegroom In A Humble Veiw
A lighthearted society piece applauds the groom for his quiet support and the bride for her charm. It notes the groom’s role fades in the wedding glare but shines in home life, proving the couple’s mutual happiness and merits.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
CP Hatiog
Gowen
Chicago Chronicle
Seals in Ocean Life and Human Commerce
A historic sketch describes northern seals surfacing during respiration and their curious behavior near shores, including flocking to bells and watching passersby. It notes their thick woolly skin, outer hair, and retractable nostrils and eyelids. It covers sealing fleets, crews, and the pursuit of oils and skins as wealth, with March departures and broad hunting gear. It ends with a punchy digression on baseball as exercise from a New Orleans paper.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Voyager
America
Newfoundland
South America
Count Proposal Through Silent Cipher Romance
A C hicago Record Herald excerpt recalls a courtship scene where a count communicates about money using a paper and pencil. The narrator describes translating dollar figures from a sequence of digits, culminating in a plan for marriage. The moment ends with an embrace and the prospect of becoming a countess in three weeks.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Papa
Chicago Record-Herald
Negro Voter Counts Across States Reported in Survey
The article lists estimated black voter totals by state including 30 000 in New York 21 000 in New Jersey 3 000 in Delaware 60 000 in Maryland 15 000 in West Virginia 1 000 in Indiana and 14 000 in Kansas. It adds a remark that the distinction between a cook and a chef is mainly salary.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
New Jersey
Delaware
Maryland
West Virginia
Indiana
Kanana
Dust storms and shell strength and stimulants debated
The report notes a 30 hour sandstorm near Teneriffe aboard the Africa mall steamship Horneo and recounts a stoat’s predation on Pennybill, Pa. It cites Scientific American on egg shell strength under external and internal pressure and eye pressure. It warns against stimulants like alcohol, saying they do not supply real energy and can harm kidneys and liver while aiding temporary vigor.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Africa Mall
Horneo
Teneriffe
Scientific American
Gladstone Statue Placed in Westminster Abbey
A marble statue of Gladstone has been installed in Westminster Abbey in the north transept near Dean Stanley’s old site. Crafted by Mr. Brooks for the Royal Academy, it sits on a marble pedestal with no inscription. The figure of Gladstone faces slightly toward the Doctor of Civil Law at Oxford, and the display conveys a quiet, dignified tribute to his public service.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Gladstone
Westminster Abbey
Dean Stanley
Londes
Brookes
Oxford
Paris
Naval
Also Mentioned on This Page
Topics OF the Times
Irlab
Miss Stone
Turkey
Servia
North Carolina
Thomas A. Edison
The
Oranges
Washington and
Boston
Inland Empire
John Carpenter
Forest River
N. D
Red River Valley
Great Inland Empire
Richard McGahey
Walla Walla
Samuel Drumheller
Bruce Ferrell
Wisdom
San Francisco
Bay
Clif House
New Orleans Times-Democrat
San Francisco Bay
Aueer
T! Safes
Ife Kirk
Warn Ibar
Hall
Eae
Prieto