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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
May 12, 1905
Page
2
A miscellany of quips and brief items from the era notes Sir Thomas Lipton declining to leave the cup untouched, while King Alfonso remains in bachelor dinner mode. The column parries topics from politics in Atlanta and American humor to medical and social quips, including remarks on voter ballots, theater, and a brief naval desertion statistic.
A German court ruled that poker should not be classified as a gambling game. The judge reportedly concluded from experience that players may have no chance against skilled opponents.
A college professor reports being held up by two dashing women posing as highwaymen. The incident is described as a novel experience and includes a playful wish that he could have robbed at least one of the bandits.
Secretary Taft endorses Gen Chaffee's recommendation for a new bayonet six inches longer than the previous model. The longer blade allows a soldier to reach an enemy six inches sooner than before.
A liberal prize offer failed to entice many writers as the periodical reviewed 12 000 stories and selected only sixty five as worth buying.
London reports Miss Anna Robinson the American actress has settled $10,000 annually on her husband as the new countess of Rosslyn with no conditions. The move prompts debate over who gains more from the arrangement.
The rumor that Russell Sage coughed up 100000 for foreign missions was false. Uncle Russell's lungs are healthy. He recently donated a large sum to the school from which his wife graduated many years ago.
The article notes stomach removal becoming safer due to advances in modern surgery and warns that rising costs could drive a new medical fad if expenses continue to climb.
Gratton endures brutal heat and fear in a fierce siege scene. The trench line waits as a final assault nears, a hero's nerve tested by enemy fire and the weight of expectations from West Point and family. A Spanish flag flagstaff lies near the fallen sergeant, signaling a pivotal moment.
The Sioux City Journal argues good humor should be cultivated as a safeguard against oppression and low mood. It compares mood to a safety valve that prevents explosive stress, noting humor thrives in comfort, nurtures mood, and illuminates daily life.
A Brooklyn juror claim of deafness to dodge jury duty leads a supreme court judge to expose a false medical certificate. The juror stands with hand to ear as the judge orders him back to sit ready to serve, declaring the certificate a lie.
Report notes that average weight changes through the day. After sleep, we lose about 3 lb 6 oz, gain 1 lb 12 oz by breakfast, lose 14 oz before lunch, gain 1 lb at lunch, lose 10 oz in the afternoon, then dinner adds 2 lb 2 oz to body weight. Source: Kansas City Journal.
A Cleveland Plain Dealer anecdote recalls a quarrel where a wife reportedly tried to ease trouble with a flatiron, leaving a visible scar behind a car. The remark highlights domestic mishaps and the lasting impact of a moment of anger.
A steeplejack completes Elmer Wakefield s smokestack paint job, performing acrobatic stunts at 200 feet. He entertains spectators while the firm deems him too hazardous and hires a more conservative helper to finish the project. Wakefield is taken home by friends after the display. The business would not hire a three-ring circus, only a steadier worker. The stake is safer, not a stunt show, for the smokestack project.
A reflective verse recalling childhood days and old friends. The speaker, voice of Riley, muses on aging, memory, and springtime splashes by the creek. Warm recollections of barefoot trips, hiding friends, and enduring laughter frame the sentiment.
Samuel Crawford of Sherman Pa suffered scalp injury from a pat ent hay fork. Surgeons grafted cat fur onto his skull. the skin began to knit and he recovered. Weeks later the fur grew back in, and neighbors report strange nocturnal prowling and rat hunting behavior amid lingering rumors.
A Detroit era tale reports Pat, driven to crime, robs a traveler with a pistol and speech. The traveler offers money for the pistol and then demands the cash back, only to dismiss Pat with a boastful quip about never firing powder.
A short item notes questions posed by a small boy in a two minute exchange. The questions range from why kittens shed fur at night to who cooked dinner when adults were children and why oysters lack tails. The boy asks about medicines in chemist shops and why water does not run to his legs when he drinks.
A daughter’s marriage is weighed by a father who demands fortitude and courage from her suitor. The reply affirms willingness to risk, acknowledging hardship but valuing steadfast character in the chosen partner.
A weary laborer speaks to a resident, offering to saw wood in exchange for hot grub. The resident clarifies the flat burns only gas. He insists he can turn on gas for the worker.
A public school teacher asked a small Irish boy why he was absent. he replied his mother had mumps and he needed the doctor. When told mumps are catching the boy quipped the infection is from his stepmother who never gives him anything.
The story recalls Roger Minott Sherman, famed New England lawyer, sparring with Nathan Smith. Sherman joked that Smith’s metaphysics belong in another discussion and could chop logic later. Smith pulled a hair and challenged, prompting Sherman to quip about bristles.
Special report from Clayton Texas May 1 presents the claim by J. H. Bailey that Dodd's Kidney Pills cure diabetes. Bailey says he has diabetes, used seven boxes, and can work again. He asserts the remedy also treats kidney diseases from backache to Brights Disease.
In a Northern manufacturing town a group of eager women urged support for female suffrage but met stern resistance. A strong-minded elder scoffed at the idea, claiming women already suffer and refusing to vote, slamming the door as she spoke.
A traveler on a Transvaal train asks why stops occur. The guard first cites a cow on the line, then later reveals the repeating stoppage is due to the same old cow.
The dialogue contrasts a $3007 surgery quote with today's market move opening at 326 and rising to 337 percent. The exchange frames price volatility and policy in a terse, period-voice style.
A two year ordeal with severe eczema ends after using Cuticura ointment and Resolvent along with the Soap. Mrs. J. B. Jones of Addington, Indiana, reports a permanent cure and notes sleepless nights for her and hope restored by the products. The testimonial closes with the proverb Love covers sins but it does not conceal them.
A compilation of pithy sayings about girls from wise sayings to open secrets. The lines reflect social attitudes toward femininity, love, exclusivity, and aging with humor and caution.
Doctor says Slo Pay’s case is not incurable but financial ruin blocks treatment. Wife asks if there is hope. doctor cautions that innocence advertised often conceals iniquity.
Rev Jacob D Van Doren of Fond du Lac Wisconsin testifies he suffered kidney disorders causing days in bed. He credits Dean's Kidney Pills for general improvement and relief. Pills sold by Foster Milburn Co Buffalo NY at 60 cents.
The text touts Dr. Pierce’s Family Medicines as a class by themselves as car proprietary medicines made without alcohol. It references Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription and Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Dis.
The advertisement extols Pierce's Favorite Prescription and Dr. Pierce's remedies as cures for women's ailments. It features testimonials from Mrs. H Harrison of Sioux City and claims benefits like strengthened nerves, relief from menstrual and uterine issues, easier childbirth, and nursing support. It also promotes Dr. Pierce's Medical Adviser and Pleasant Pellets as health aids.
Miss Cayenne argues that modern novels may be bad but do not tempt people into crime. The exchange centers on whether literary works influence criminal careers.
An evocative social note quotes residents arguing over Dustin Stax and his rumored preoccupation with wealth and status. The exchange contrasts purse pride with national bank pride, highlighting tensions in the community about money and social standing.
Mr. William A. Newman of Sagrada Missouri details eight years of grip suffering with deafness head and stomach troubles and heart palpitations. He credits Dr Williams Pink Pills with a complete recovery after first trial box and says they cured him in three months. The Camden county farmer notes the pills drive the grip from the system unlike other remedies and claims widespread success.
A clergyman condemns wealth as disgraceful while another speaker laments being too respectable. The exchange highlights tensions over money and social perception in a local discussion.
Advertising blurb for Mother Gray a nurse at a New York Children’s Home promoting remedies to cure feverishness headache stomach trouble teething disorders and worms. Claims include breaking up colds and destroying worms with a 25 cent serum and free sample by mail from S Olmsted Le Roy New York.
A terse exchange about certainty in bets with the reply that all sure bets have already been settled, implying a history of decisive outcomes.
A brief Regional exchange features Mike and Pat Do debating dispendent mood and how being blue affects mood, with Pat proclaiming he feels better when blue and Mike noting he only feels discontent when blue.
Alfred Wilson reports returns from two fields on his home farm in 1903. Field 1 yielded 37 bushels per acre at 88 cents, with costs totaling $7.63 per acre and profit about $24.99. Field 2 yielded 25 bushels per acre at 88 cents, profit $18.88. He notes summer fallow practices and total 19,500 bushels wheat on his farms.
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