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This newspaper page contains 35 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Cumberland Islander
Location
Cumberland, British Columbia, Canada
Date
Sep 28, 1912
Page
3
A lively family note from Mrs Quackenboss to announce her daughter’s wedding and the joy in announcing Sage’s sister has found a husband. The household jokes about the groom’s fear of the bride’s spirited temperament and the overall happy union.
An American tourist pricing tea in a Shanghai shop encounters a paradox: five pounds cost $2, while ten pounds cost $5. The seller argues the more you buy, the richer you become, claiming logic supports the higher bulk price.
A witty dialogue features a hungry speaker denying food intake and retorting that insults are all he has swallowed today, captured in a satiric exchange between a complainant and a responding figure.
The dialogue shows Mrs Housekeep asking to stop at the butcher for mhing today and Mr Housekeep agreeing. A second question asks whether T should also visit the mint to buy sauce to accompany it.
In a hotel smoking room a Scotchman and an Englishman of equal wit begin an informal duel of tall tales. The Scotchman interrupts politely then offers a bold wager to outlie six men in thirty minutes, promising silence for half the time.
A brief exchange discusses use of Paris green on cabbages and the pervasiveness of artificial coloring. The first speaker mentions summer boarder concern about pest control, while the second agrees it is difficult to find naturally colored produce.
The speaker notes how guests were relocated from a neighboring summer hotel known for a better location and a four meals a day schedule that lets ladies change outfits more often than at the other establishment.
Elm leads Canada’s slack cooperage wood use while spruce supplies grow rapidly. Do minion figures show 80,016,000 elm pieces against 27,704,000 spruce for last year, with spruce staves up and elm staves down from 1910 to 1911. Birch may replace elm. slack work dominates Canadian output. White oak nearly exhausted. total cooperage material estimated at 62,353,190 board feet with staves 24,867,714 and headings 24,406,666.
An ad extols Parmelee’s Vegetable Pills as mild and effective for delicate women. It claims no violent pains or purgings, and notes thousands of testimonials. It recommends the remedy for women prone to digestive disorders.
A deranged exchange shows a desperate man admitting foregry while arguing it pleased a wealthier target. A woman questions her own guilt and reacts with shock as the scene unfolds. Nearby chatter notes Mrs Neaurich growing more proper and Mrs Dimple recalls her husband’s railroad stock ownership with mortified amusement.
Mr William Sikes believed a country mansion held a snugerth. At midnight he climbed Ivy to a first floor window and steadied himself to behold the jewellery and plate inside. A female head then cried Hands up or I fire prompting a sudden interruption.
The guide suggests adding a few drops of ammonia to the watering water once a week. Water should be lukewarm and not colder than room temperature. Leaves should be kept dust free by sponging or syringing.
A Yonkers Statesman quotation humorously contrasts male and female talkativeness calling a man an orator and a woman a nuisance.
An ambitious girl plagued by nervousness and hysteria found relief with Grape-Nuts. After years of illness, she regained strength, returned to study, taught for ten months, and now leads a happy home life four years later.
A patient afflicted with a sore back reports complete relief after using fewer than three boxes of the remedy. The account emphasizes rapid recovery and minimal treatment.
An old advertisement touts Dr Chase's Kidney Liver Pills as a fast relief for backache and kidney disease. It cites a patient from Haldi mand, Gaspe, claiming full recovery after two to three boxes, with permanent cure, priced 25 cents per pill or box at Holmanson Bates & Co Limited in Toronto.
A fragment from Lippincott's notes a young lady writes from Venice describing a late night gondola ride on the Grand Canal. She reflects on life feeling unusually full as the waterway glides by the city at night.
A historical notice extols Dr Kellog's Dysentery Cordial as a powerful, universal remedy for summer complaints and bowel inflammation. It claims the cordial offers unmatched effectiveness for both young and old, asserting it is the best medicine available.
A brief exchange between a clergy member and a man about stopping a downward slide. The son is warned that beauty is skin deep, and another man remarks he can back-pedal better than any club member. The reply claims not to be a cannibal.
A brief sketch contrasts two deaf mutes the first calm and patient, the second so furious his hands flared with explosive speech as he raged. The piece uses vivid phrasing to depict differing temperaments.
A vintage ad boasts a $100 reward for proof of failure of Catarrh Cure by Fol Cheney & Co Toledo Ohio. It claims the remedy cures all stages of catarrh via internal action and blood bloodstream effects. Includes testimonials offer and mail order note with other items.
Family members clash over a poet courting their daughter. They seek to verify the suitor’s employment with either a mage nzine or a breakfast-food factory before taking any action. Local dispute unfolds with cautious investigation planned.
A New York Evening Mail report highlights Jack Thayer’s courage during the Titanic disaster and recounts Dr Acthar J Smidthing urging youth through church tent work. The piece notes Thayer refused the lifeboat to stay with his father and awoke among his mother and others after the ship sank.
A young man with a dog asks if he needs a ticket for the puppy at a railway station. The clerk says a dog can travel as an ordinary passenger. A man mentions a government job, prompting envy and questions about work.
In London at the National Maritime Club in Fenchurch Street, ship masters recount perilous voyages from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific. One veteran recalls a hurricane voyage with engines stopped and decks nearly vertical for 24 hours, while others describe rescuing a doomed boat crew and narrow survivals at sea. The club now lists over six hundred seafaring members.
A village constable questions a villager after a cyclist knocks him down. The villager recalls the number but doubts the rider heard it, noting the exchange in a terse street scene. The dialogue hints at the broader reckoning of nig iron production concentrated in the UK, US, and Germany.
A Baltimore American quirky note ponders why a cat chases its tail. The writer jokes that a strictly domestic animal seeks to “make bith ends meet” as a playful aside.
A Winnipeg note quotes Mrs. Neilie McClung on human nature and virtue. She argues that happiness stems from self-perception, not deeds, and urges teaching women homemaking and men farming to boost national competitiveness.
Fragmented rhymed verse recalls a family moment with a toppled ladder and a father clinging to a picture molding as a child questions if anyone has fallen. The excerpt hints at precarious domestic tension and quiet danger within a home.
Mr Dustin Stax replies he takes no part in politics, stating a strict all or nothing rule and reflecting on personal political engagement. The Washington Star article frames his stance as a matter of principle.
A comic pair of lines centers on a misadventure at a stable and a cricket match mishap. The speaker recalls a landlord’s lesson about horse sense and a boy named Johnny. The cricket tale notes a ball striking the speaker amid a crowd of thousands.
The speaker asks if the father approved their marriage, noting a cautious reply about favorable but accurate judgment. A joke then follows contrasting tree bark with a dog’s bark to illustrate a point about sound.
A Boston Globe item notes two young girls in Parsons Kansas rushing to school. One suggests kneeling to pray they are not late, the other proposes continuing to walk and pray while hurrying to school.
A speaker laments a romantic rejection as Mise Playne-He moves on with another girl. The mood shifts from personal artistry to disappointment, reflecting on the fragility of poetic acceptance.
A fragmented composite of humorous lines and stray jokes from the Houston Post. It includes a shopping advice quip about stamps, a chemist shop misalignment, a remark about marriage vows, and a playful miswording exchange among characters. The text reads like a collage of brief witticisms and dialects.
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