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This newspaper page contains 9 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Athena Press
Location
Athena, Oregon, United States of America
Date
May 07, 1909
Page
5
Begin Hood’s Sarsaparilla today to strengthen the system after winter. The advertisement claims it purifies blood, restores appetite, and boosts health using a blend of over 20 ingredients. Available in liquid or Sarsatab tablets, 100 doses for one dollar.
A collage of 19th century patent medicine claims and anecdotes on Amelia Bloomer and Dr. Lino. Mentions Bromo Quinine laxative, Groves signature, Dr. B B Kline, and Pettit's Eye Salve. Includes a courtroom quip about copyright and a shoplifting joke from a judge.
A collage of jokes and brief anecdotes touches on domestic quirks, dubious tonics, and whimsy. Bits include a humor column on watches and selfishness, a home brew purifier recipe, punny exchanges about airships and theatres, a medical claim for piles, and quips about printing paper from cornstalks. The page also features light verse, weathered slang, and social gibes in compact rows.
A string of aphorisms warns against sin and deception while urging piety and honesty. It contrasts truth with deception, notes human foibles, and encourages self-reflection before judgment. highlights mercy, righteousness, and the perils of vanity in a cryptic, moralizing tone.
A motorman explains how a woman crossing the street twice forced him to stop and restart the car, noting “men don’t do that” while recalling a regular rider who once dodged a stop. The passenger asks if women understand mechanics, and the driver remarks on dangers and the need to stay ahead of delays.
An old Black man tried to mail a heavy letter at a Mississippi post office. The postmaster warned it needed another stamp to meet weight rules. The man replied with astonishment asking if an extra stamp would make it lighter. A humorous exchange reported by the Buffalo Commercial.
A quip on medical fees contrasts a doctor’s brisk, expert operation with the patient’s protest over cost. A later aside hints at a marriage joke about heaven and punishment, followed by garbled lines about childhood and a child’s memory.
Forty years ago many mothers gave paregoric laudanum or morphine to help babies sleep. Narcotics can cause death or lifelong harm in small doses. Druggists must label narcotics poison and should not sell them to children. Castoria does not contain narcotics if signed by Chas H Fletcher.
A historical note states nearly two women teach for every man in New York's secondary schools reflecting gender imbalance among educators. It also mentions a tiny fraction of the public uses a world’s cables, implying limited public access or interaction with certain communications networks.
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