Our Wit and Humor Defined By Newspaper Humorists
A compact collection of illustrated definitions and jokes offers a light page of wit. It presents humorous exchanges and light satire styled as Bright Side humor from everyday newspaper life.
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Articles on This Page
This newspaper page contains 34 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Ames Times
Location
Ames, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Jun 28, 1894
Page
5
Matrimonial Agent Pitches Woman With Asset
A matrimony seller explains a 20 year old woman owns $30,000 but lacks beauty yet possesses health concerns. The client bluntly seeks a wife to make him happy and asks to be shown the candidate.
A Chip Off the Old Block
A dialog item shows a son named Johnny Smith, twelve, who says his father is a baker on Manhattan Avenue. The scene includes a joke about size and baking, ending with a quip about the resemblance to a loaf.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Sonny
Johnny Smith
Aker
Manhattan Avenue
Marriage in High Life on Third Avenue Car
In a Third avenue street car a chatty scene reveals social climbing as a sister’s marriage to a Vanderbilt relative is humorously implied. A later tale shows a Pettigrew household lie uncovered by a servant’s absence and vanished note. An extenuating defense features a hungry man denying theft, claiming a melted five dollar bill in a grocery till.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Aveue
Vandert
Third Avenue
Not as Bad as It Looks Musical Item Tale
A playful newspaper snippet reports a judge downplaying a romantic intrigue as a stage hands actors club act, then shifts to a humorous musical scene. A boy in a New York music store asks for music for his sister, confusing the storekeeper about singing or piano needs.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Tion
Nateur
Club Aractice
O’rielly
New York
Never Arrested Before. A Texas Justice Question
A terse exchange unfolds as a Texas justice asks a Black man if he had any prior arrests. The man replies that every time police grabbed him, it led to trouble because he can run fast, signaling a perilous confrontation framed in a racist context.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Texas
Darkey
Dally
Hope Springs Eternal in a New York Transit Sting
An elderly woman, about seventy, testified before a New York police justice after claiming a young man in a Third Avenue car pickpocketed her. She described him squeezing into the corner, smiling, and she feared he might propose.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Third Avenue
Justice
Ost
Old Maids and Beef Explain English Complexion
An American and companion debate Prof. Huxley on why English look healthier. The theory attributes rosy complexions to roast beef and red clover, aided by bumble bees, field mice, and cats kept by English old maids.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
England
Prof
Huxley
Old
Miss Hubbell and Delehanty Homer in Puck’s Cracked Ball Scene
In a humorous exchange from Puck, Miss Hubbell of Doston reacts to a ball clearing the fence as Delehanty hits a home run. The kids joke that the play earns the term Homer Homer, noting the game’s playful vulgarity and the famed poet being referenced.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Miss Hubbell
Doston
Delehanty
Homer
Homer Homer
Poe
Puck
Aristocrat Mother Reacts to Rumor of Suitor
Mrs Snobberly a New York society matron hears a friend gossip that her son has been seen with a seamstress. The mother dismisses the talk as unimportant while fearing a potential family scandal and shows concern over marriage to the young woman.
Love’s Young Dream and Goldbug’s Death
McGinnis recalls loving Miss Jones before her marriage to old Goldbug. Gus De Smith urges silence as buried love resurfaces. Goldbug dies of apoplexy last night, prompting a village reckoning and whispers of the past.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Mcvinnis
Miss Jones
Old Goldbug
Gus de Smith
McGinnis
What a Complexion at Yerger’s Exciting Moment
A humorous exchange mocks Col Yerger’s complexion noting his face turns crimson when pale or excited. The retort emphasizes the color as natural, with a jab about his reactions turning purple and blue during excitement.
Baby's Compliment Sparks Ideal Mother Image
The narrator recalls a day spent with a child named Baby. They play, build a blockhouse, read, and chase in the rain while a nurse says good night. The child climbs up and kisses the narrator, saying you’d make a good mother, a compliment that feels deeply true amid adult praise.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Fatty
Baby
Fractional currency profits and redemption figures
The Farmers' Review summarizes how fractional U S currency yielded profits to the government. It notes roughly 8 million dollars lost or destroyed, total emissions around 368.72 million, redemptions near 353.45 million, and an outstanding amount possibly 15.27 million but listed as 6.9 million. It estimates final profit near 15 million, with 8 percent of redeemed notes counterfeit, highlighting widespread imitation and public attachment to bad money.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
United States
New York Herald
Congress
Treasury Department
Republic
Farmers’ Review
Farm Surroundings and Farmhouse Beautification Comes Up
An agricultural convention speaker argues that farm youth abandon farming due to unappealing home surroundings. He urges transforming pig pens, pools, and privies with shrubbery and evergreens to convert odors into pleasant natural beauty and productive spaces.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Nature
Waste to Fertilizer From Roadside Washings
A plan urges gathering disinfectant and absorbent material from roadside washings and mud heaps to create a usable fertilizer. Securing quantities daily would reduce nuisance conditions and produce valuable soil amendments.
National Wealth and per Capita Across U S History
A Washington correspondent surveys the idea of equal property division and outlines census valuations. It tracks total real and personal property from 1850 to 1890, noting per capita growth and listing the states by wealth, led by New York, Pennsylvania, Illinois, and Ohio with others follow in order.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washington
United States
Uncle Sam
New York
Union
Pennsylvania
Illinois
Ohio
Massachusetts
California
Missouri
Iowa
Texas
Michigan
Indiana
Wisconsin
Kansas
New Jersey
Nebraska
Kentucky
Colorado
Vision of P C Preaching Causes Conference Debate
A young farmer converted at a revival sought a preacher license after claiming three visions. He described a blue ring in the sky with golden letters P C meaning Preach Christ, but an elder suggested it might read Low Corn. The convert remains a farmer. Cincinnati Times Star.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Wal
P. C
Cincinnati Times Star
The Great School and Self‑reliant Thought
A philosophical proclamation urging individual learning over inherited beliefs. It extols self thinking, progress beyond past traditions, and the duty to pursue knowledge for personal and collective growth without reliance on others.
Carrs Heart Roaster Recipe Instructions
Clean and soak the heart in warm water for an hour then drain. Stuff with bread crumbs flour salt parsley lemon thyme and melted bacon fat. Wrap in buttered fools cap paper and roast an hour and a half. Serve with gravy flavored by mushroom ketchup or a milk flour butter gravy with nutmeg and sugar.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Carr
Proper care and use of drippings for frying
Drippings are healthier and cleaner than lard for frying fish and potatoes. They do not spatter, making them preferable for cleanliness. To clarify, pour boiling water with a pinch of salt over the drippings, simmer, skim, and strain into an earthen vessel, then keep covered. after water and impurities are removed, they will keep for weeks.
Five Little Boys Dreaming of Fourth of July Fun
A poem features five boys named Joe Horace Theodore and Harry imagining Fourth of July roles. Each boy expresses a patriotic fantasy from fifer and G A R member to marshal and orator, ending with a self as the boy among boys enjoying flags and noise all day.
The Bells of Liberty Poem by Ida Whipple Bentham
A handwritten poem celebrates liberty with bells ringing across the earth. It extols freedom for the fettered and free and envisions a future guided by God and love of liberty. The piece ends with a devotional line about those free who fulfill God's law of liberty.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Ida Whipple Bentham
Doubtful Vindication by The Hon Eclat Jones
A fragmentary political speech sample features The Hon Eclat Jones voicing doubt about his writing ability. He jokes that he cannot write orations and denounces sensational slander as false.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Eclat Jones
Feller Citerzens
Fourth of July Reflections and Brave Immortality
A nostalgic poem notes Independence Day joys and perils with fireworks and lemonade contrasted with childhood innocence. It cites soldiers who conquered death and achieved immortality, reflecting on patriotism, memory, and fearless heroism beyond the grave.
Death on the Fourth Statistician Tracks July Fatalities
A man collecting data notes twenty five deaths per million annually tied to patriotism. A national party marks July 4 as its birthday and urges nationwide remembrance with ceremonies in a proclamation by its national chairman.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
National People's Party
Policeman and Stranger Debate Grass Rule Over Sheep
In a humorous exchange a policeman cautions a stranger not to walk on the grass while sheep nearby wander there. The stranger retorts that animals can be foolish, then questions whether he himself is treated as a mere vegetable or mineral rather than a person.
Marital Talk Sparks Divorce Rumor in Small Town
In a casual chat, Dora-Edith is praised for her husband while Clara predicts an impending divorce within the family due to his cross eyed condition. The joke hinges on whether he eyes the wife or another woman, illustrating domestic gossip and rumors.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Dora
Edith
Clara
Fruits. Condition of peaches and apples a¢ report ed
The June report from the agriculture department notes extremely low peach conditions nationwide, signaling a likely crop failure while apple prospects are slightly better. Northern districts show bloom, New England and New York report frost damage, and conditions worsen quickly in New Jersey and Pennsylvania due to March weather.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Washmeton
Department of Agriculture
New England
New York
New Jersey
Pennsylvania
GLADSTONE CANNOT VISIT THE UNITED STATES
A representative of the Associated Press at Dollis Hill spoke with Rt Hon. Wm. E. Gladstone who said no invitation to visit the United States had been received. He noted no movement toward such a visit beyond newspaper reports and doubted any possibility of him traveling, suggesting the invitation was only a compliment from leaders of the movement.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Londox
Associated Press
Wm. E. Gladstone
Dollis Hill
United States
Cloudburst Triggers Turtle Creek Flood Fatalities
A cloud burst in Brappock Pennsylvania wrecked crops and swept eight houses from foundations. Three people are reported dead including miner John Hodovisky who drowned in Plum Creek and Mike Boski who was said to have drowned in his sleeping room. A Wansell daughter is also reported missing. Total damage estimated at $100,000.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Brappock
Turtle Creek
John Hodovisky
Plum Creek
Mike Boski
John Wansell
Doings of Congress June 18 23 amid tariff and anti option bills
Senate and House activity across June 18 to 23 shows focus on tariff measures and the anti option bill. Amendments on income tax, free and dutiable lists, and a labor holiday note feature amid committee and floor debates. House passes anti option bill 149 to 87 while other sessions advance deficiency appropriations and trust controlled product free listing.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Senate
Washington
Hill
House
Hatch
Warner
Bryan
Minnesota
ENATE
Hovss
Crain
Trouss
Harris
Sexnate
United States
Housr
Paxton Pays $19 Fine For Unrecorded Marriage Certificate
New York June 20 Rev Dr John R Paxton paid a $19 fine for neglecting to record the marriage certificate of W. P. Breckinridge and Mrs Wing performed in April 1893.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
John R. Paxton
W. ©. P. Breckinridge
Wing
Lyons Released on Own Bond in Revenue Case
Lafayette Ind June 20 John Lyons a well known wholesale liquor dealer arrested for violating federal revenue laws has been released on his own bond of three dollars to appear at Indianapolis facing the case in the federal court route-to-Indianapolis proceedings noted.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Lafayette
Ind
John Lyons
United States Revenue
Indianapolis
Also Mentioned on This Page
Fe Arter
Sing Sing
Vanderbilt
Austin
Pettigrew
Sol
Society Note
Love
St. G. Lawrence
National Wealth
Horace
Theodore
Harry
the Bells of Liberty
America
Gladstone
Turtle Creek Valley
Doings OF Congress
Dr. Paxton
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