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This newspaper page contains 24 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Washington Evening Journal
Location
Washington, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Aug 10, 1908
Page
7
In a Scrap Book opener the old parson suggests preaching from any text about divine wrath as he opens the book. A sleeping deacon wakes and shouts its yours then asks what is opened on. The reply lands with a pun about Kings.
The piece urges resilience and courage in the face of trouble. It contrasts outward defeat with inner strength, noting that how one responds defines character rather than the outcome. The verse encourages a brave, unwavering attitude regardless of slights or hardships.
A grim exchange unfolds as the deathwatch asks the condemned what exercise he prefers. The prisoner answers with a wry grin that he would choose to skip the rope, delivering a dark, macabre quip.
A Halifax weaver went to a clergyman to announce his wedding. He insisted he was not giving notice for banns but clarified they were only planning a “concertina after tea.” The parson smiled at the humorous misunderstanding.
An elderly German woman is hospitalized after illness. Her husband hears repeated doctors say she is improving, then learns she has died on day five. Grief drives him to a saloon where he explains she died of improvements. The bartender reacts with surprise as the joke unfolds.
A terse exchange centers on John visiting a sick friend last night. The friend confirms illness and hints at gambling stakes with a cryptic line about never winning four pots. The fragment suggests a private conversation amid unclear context.
A congressman is asked for a recipe for good oratory after a brilliant speech. He jokes that oratory comes natural but cites an old joke from Jacob Walmsley about preparation. The refrain mocks public speaking with advice to drink water, open the mouth wider, and then leave the task to others.
A quotation by Robert Southey contrasts the instinctive, unwavering order of beasts and insects with man's deliberate neglect of divine laws. It laments human blundering despite higher faculties and argues that nature fulfills its purpose while humans stray from moral ends.
A famous billiard player recalls chalk vanishing rapidly in his room and tells his helper to watch it, joking that he is no millionaire. Jim quips that the gents do not pockets the chalk but keep it regular.
The narrator recalls Jim using quiet diplomacy with a valued patron who had been stealing chalk. Jim confronts the man with a light joke about his chalk theft and offers a bucket of water when needed, pleasing the boss who favors enterprise.
A little girl loves pleasant days and prays for fine weather after a rainstorm. The next morning sun returns and she reports joy to her grandmother. The grandmother jokes why not pray for warmth to ease her rheumatism, and the girl agrees to try that request. That night she prays, Please make it hot for grandma.
A lady and her small dog enter a bath house after a dip at a stylish resort. The dog bolts out with a bunch of curly golden hair, causing chaos and laughter as it darts along the aisle. The owner calls for the dog to return her belongings, while the attendant jokes about the item in question.
At a Balkan banquet a diplomat lamented losing his watch to the minister of justice. The prime minister promised to recover it and later discreetly returned the timepiece. The guest asked what was said, but the host whispered that the thief does not know the watch has been returned.
A reflection on courage and action from John Foster. It argues that timid caution stifles progress and that true greatness stems from resolved perseverance, not from waiting for perfect preliminaries.
Charlie walks with a lit umbrella while nervous Fanny offers to carry it. She says his arm blocks her side from the wet and questions his control. He insists he can manage, pondering what to do with his arm. Mary Martin and Tom Clark are invoked in a teasing comparison.
A young man converted at a camp meeting proclaimed pride gone and vowed to kiss an old colored woman to prove it. In the aisle the woman rose and challenged him, saying he might have no pride but cannot "Hob sonize" her to all these white folks.
A destitute writer begged Alexandre Dumas for 300 francs claiming dire need for himself and his three children. Dumas could only spare 200 francs after a thorough search of his coffers. The author insisted on three or he would harm the children, prompting Dumas to joke that the writer could suffocate himself to spare the children.
A witty young man stops to answer a widow who asks him to guess her age. He admits having several ideas but hesitates whether to call her ten years younger by looks or ten years older by brains. The widow smiles as he departs.
A stranger recounts a three year hidden contest between George Shadwell and Herbert Bracebridge to win the same woman. George excels in 112 of 113 tests from memory to swimming to a perilous deep jump and last drinks, yet dies in a final duel abroad, leaving the narrator in mourning.
A humorous exchange hints at inviting Dr Bigfee to an at home event but the mother warns against it noting his absentmindedness and a risk he might charge the bill. The dialog preserves a witty social moment without sensational detail.
The writer argues Mrs. Humphry Ward correctly notes differences between England and America on suffrage. She neutralizes the British street methods, praises municipal rights for Ward, and says American debate centers on national voting. The piece warns against conflating the two movements and urges clarity.
A humorous party game assigns each man to describe a lady’s gown within ten minutes while women compete in a separate nonsense contest filling pins into holes. The fastest or most complete paper wins a pincushion, and the best male description is judged by three women for a prize.
A guide noting that men notice small details in a woman’s attire rather than overall price or poise. It stresses that shoes, gloves, buttons, and pressing reveal slovenliness or care. Women are urged to attend to tiny flaws, as those small cues shape judgments.
A humorous verse from National Food Magazine recalls Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden with Eve bitten by a snake and fashion costs. The piece jokes that since then men have funded Eve's clothing, blessing her while noting the enduring role of men.
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