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Newspaper
Washburn Times
Location
Washburn, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
Jun 13, 1900
Page
3
A collage of jokes, verse, and anecdotes from early 20th century columns. It includes John G. Saxe verses, tales of patrons and patronage, and cartoonish snippets from the Senate cloakroom with humor centered on mischief and miscommunication.
The piece portrays Champ Clark in his Bowling Green home and on the campaign trail, noting his vanity and appeal to constituents. It includes villages across the district, residents praising him, and humorous scenes about his sleep and boasts alongside other light vignettes from Detroit Journal and Truth.
A Detroit Free Press passage describes two boys fed and entertained by Marion who then cleansed grime from a sunburned face. She hands them a quarter each and sends them away saying mercy and noting the washed-off picturesqueness.
A young woman asks which mushrooms are poisonous and a confident man claims to know. The excerpt hints at newspaper reads and a bizarre remark about a man Rupert who vanished after attending the opera, with comic witticisms from Puck.
A Scottish tale from Forfarshire reports grocer Sandy Brown trying to pass a bad two-shilling piece through his rival shop. The village idiot, Daft Jimmie, returns it as change and hints the mischief was done in Sandy’s own shop. The woman of the house is away, and a boy leaves a note claiming the back of the house is on fire.
A man enters a jewelry shop to judge a diamond he borrowed on Saturday on approval. The jeweler critiques the unset stone, noting it lacks fire and has flaws but offers a finer option, while the customer withdraws, requesting £8 back and canceling the deal.
An obituary note recalls Thomas K Beecher misplacing a watch while hurrying to a train and musing on time. A Collier’s Weekly quip followed about a professor choosing a day with no watch. A Philadelphia Press gag imagines a Bible with divorces alongside births and deaths for family records.
Clara asks about George and Emily after their engagement ends due to absent mindedness. Emily, fondly addressing George as Frank, mixes up Wednesday night with opera plans. George will sail for Europe next, per Gertrude in the Philadelphia Call.
Huddleson recounts a vivid nightmare in which he was forced to perform actions he told friends he would do if in their position. The remark appears in Brooklyn Life as a humorous anecdote about guilt and accountability.
George W. Peck, running a small pineries weekly in the early 1860s, is approached by Brick Pomeroy of La Crosse Wisconsin. He is offered a job at the Democrat for 25 dollars a week. He replies by telegram, I accept your offer quicker than instantly. For heaven's sake, don't withdraw it.
A judge confronts a beggar who proclaims a wife and six children, only to learn the man replies that his sons study at Harvard and Vassar while his wife travels to Paris for the exposition, revealing a wry social exchange.
A brief exchange between a man and a woman about past and future love. The line pairs explore whether dwelling on past or future relationships is worthwhile, ending with a playful concession to avoid digging up either.
A New York Press quote records an east side resident describing a morning commute. He says the car was not crowded and that he had a strap to himself, reflecting on the passenger crowding.
U. S. Senator W V Sullivan of Mississippi writes from Oxford praising Peruna as a cure for catarrh. He reports notable relief and calls Peruna the best remedy he has tried, urging others to insist on Peruna and to request a free book from The Peruna Medicine Co.
A London Good Words note dismisses Thibet brick tea as harsh and uninviting. It critiques its composition from off-scourings and dust, notes its strong but unpalatable flavor, and says mutton fat and salt are traditionally added by Tartars. Habit, not taste, drives tea enjoyment.
The text traces the origins of month names from Roman and Saxon roots. It explains January from Janus, February from februo, March from Mars and Lenct, April from aperio, May sharing Maia and Juno, July and August honoring Julius and Augustus Caesar, and September to December from Septem to decem, noting calendar changes and old month counts.
Dr Andrew Gerber a wealthy Mount Joy physician left a will giving his son Christian half the life income from one farm and almost the entire remainder to unborn great grandchildren. The court ruled Christian receives the portion intended for his branch, while the future generation bequests were overturned.
Invading armies aid plant dispersal with abundant forage sent to fronts from Cape Town. Seeds from Canada and England travel with this supply and will germinate along river banks and veldt, shaping South African botany for years.
The piece explains trek oxen as the backbone of British South African transport. It notes Zulu oxen as small and less serviceable than Natal oxen, stresses careful handling, grazing for six hours daily, and restrictions on overworking. It describes night trekking, eight-hour daily limits, and hauling capacity of eighteen oxen pulling a wagon carrying around 6000 pounds over rough roads.
The article explains how wounded horses are treated during battle when human life danger is present. Veterinary officers inspect and decide on removal or slaughter, often under danger. After battles, badly wounded animals are shot while lightly wounded horses go to veterinary hospital lines.
A New York supplement reports sailors in the Europe to New York lane rely on carrier pigeons for news but say the birds tire easily at sea. A pigeon from the French steamer L A quit a week ago reached a schooner seven miles from Newport the same day, suggesting pigeons are less reliable for long ocean flight.
Ask your grocer today to show you a package of Grain-O the new food drink that takes the place of coffee. The children may drink it without injury as well as the adult. All who try it like it. Grain-O has that rich seal brown of Mocha or Java but it is made from pure grains and the most delicate stomach receives it without distress. One fourth the price of coffee. 15¢ and 25¢ per package. Sold by all grocers.
The Philadelphia Press reports Marcus Daly, famed copper magnate, tells several amusing tales about a New York man sharing his name. The man visits a real estate agent, is treated to champagne and cigars, is shown luxury homes, and declares he needs something cheaper since he earns only 25 dollars a week.
An advertisement for The Science of Life or Self-Preservation promoting a 365 page health book with engravings priced at 25 cents to 1 dollar, available from Peabody Medical Institute Boston Massachusetts. Pros ection and free Mecum offered. postage six cents. order today for health vigor and happiness.
The article notes a rising flux of Japanese arrivals in British Columbia with 026 people brought from Japan since January 1 via ships docking at Victoria. Of those, 2781 stayed in Victoria while many others continued to Vancouver.
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn Shake into your shoes Allen's Foot-Ease a powder for the feet It makes tight or new shoes feel easy Cures Corns Bunions Swollen Hot and Sweating Feet At all druggists and shoe stores 25¢ Sample sent FREE Address Allen S Olmsted LeRoy NY
In Algeria a nickel in the slot is claimed to yield blessed prayers from a hall. A warning notice in Arabic over the machine warns cheaters that attempting to buy prayers with a lead disc or fake coin will face eternal punishment.
Parisian oddity Sar Peladan faces a pending divorce filed by his wife. He proclaims himself reincarnated from Abyssinia, dyes his hair indigo blue, and wears a yellow robe while writing novels that echo Nordau’s ideas. He revived the Rosecrucians order in Paris and pursued other flamboyant acts.
Mail your order to Sears Roebuck Binder Twine Department Chicago with how much twine you need and when you want it. They will quote a price that could secure your order or force your supplier to offer a lower price.
The Washington Times recalls the old cordon of forts around the capital as a model of impregnable defense. It notes how the forts would turn three miles of the Potomac into a sea of fire to deter invaders.
Farmers urged to write T. M. Roberts Supply House Minneapolis Minnesota for a special binder twine offer. The firm is described as well regarded by commercial agencies.
Journeymen bakers in Deptford, England threaten to strike as employers conduct Sunday night prayers before dough preparation for Monday bread and refuse payment for that time.
An ad claims Lane's Family Medicine moves the bowels daily for health, acts on the liver and kidneys, cures sick headaches, and is sold for 25 and 50 cents. The annual fire department report notes 196,800 acres of territory and 277 miles of waterfront protected in New York City.
Pupils at a Syracuse school collected 20 009 tussock moth cocoons in a day under prize incentives. A petrified potato was found in a Maine kitchen garden. Piso's Cure is praised as a cough remedy by J W O'Brien of Minneapolis.
An advertisement notes Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken internally with a price of 75 cents. The listing repeats the claim and price. It also mentions unrelated items about ice prices in New Orleans and other consumer products.
Clara Kopp of Rockport Indiana writes that four years of doctoring and various patent medicines have failed to relieve her back aches nervous symptoms irregular menstruation and bearing down pains. She asks Lydia E Pinkham for guidance and states she hopes for a prompt reply.
A Rockport Indiana woman praises Lydia K. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound after seeking advice and regaining health. She urges suffering women to follow Mrs. Pinkham's guidance based on her extensive experience with female ailments.
Cincinnati Enquirer describes Khama of the Bamangwato as a wise strong ruler with 40 000 subjects called Bechanas who resent the term. He bans alcohol in his dominions and enforces strict teetotaler laws with heavy fines for brewing beer or intoxicants. He is depicted as old, lean and devoted to native welfare.
Consul J. C. Covert notes Russia lags the United States in cotton output yet strives to build a Turkestan cotton center. India yields about 3 million bales, Japan near 300 thousand pounds. harsh climate, limited rain, and extreme heat push irrigation to sustain crops and boost raw material for Moscow mills.
A Chicago man climbed a telegraph pole and sang "A Bird in a Gilded Cage" to neighbors who testified he could not sing even on the ground. The magistrate sent him to the bridewell for adding insult to injury.
The reader is urged to mention seeing the advertisement in this paper when contacting the business. This standard line helps track ad effectiveness and confirms the source of inquiry.
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