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Newspaper
Washburn Times
Location
Washburn, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
Jan 16, 1908
Page
7
An old bank scene shows a woman signing a deposit slip with difficulty while the poem Gold extols wealth and its moral ambiguity, followed by a joke about a tooth and a boy planning to stuff it with sugar for later fun.
In the wire grass region of Georgia a camp meeting featured Uncle Mose Bradford delivering a sermon on contentment from St. Paul. He opened an invitation for testimonies and attendees spoke of peace under difficult circumstances, including an elderly woman who proudly noted she had two teeth and thanked God for them.
A professor tries to calm a quarrelsome situation by singing to a crying baby. He recalls leading a college glee club and performs in the corridor until a new neighbor girl arrives with news of a sick person next door.
A humorous quarrel over shopping plans hinges on a forecast. The wife asks about favorable weather while the husband reads aloud a dire, dramatic forecast predicting rain hail snow thunder and floods. The tone mocks conflicting weather reports.
A London morning paper reports a public accusation after an umbrella theft. The ad warns the thief to return the umbrella within 24 hours or have his name printed in the paper. The next day many umbrellas arrive with apologies for the mistake.
An Irish audience member at a Dublin opera exclaimed Thank God hell is full while Satan led Faust toward a trapdoor scene near the end of the show. Faust, overweight, could not pass and the remark drew quick humor from the crowd.
An odd tale follows Jack who steals a feather bed to please a sweetheart. He exits the house by descending the stairs backward, a risky move that raises suspense as a door opens and a female figure appears.
A man named Jack tries to move a bed upstairs despite a stern mistress objecting. She accuses him, denies any Mr Sullivan aiding him, and rages. Jack apologizes and abandons the attempt, ultimately leaving with the bed in a calm, orderly exit.
A humorous anecdote attributed to Robert G. Ingersoll recounts a Hebrew man tempted by bacon in a restaurant. He fears provoking Jehovah yet indulges, then exits to a stormy sky and trembles at the controversy over a small piece of bacon.
A commercial traveler jokingly tells a sleeping car porter he has a birth in the family twins. The porter corrects him that it is a section, not a birth, highlighting wordplay.
In a New England funeral parlor a curious visitor asks about a new eight day clock. The widow replies that there is no clock and points to the deceased, saying they stood him on end to make room for mourners. The jest reveals local mournful humor amid grief.
A secretary wakes the congressman, reports burglars in the house. He mutters that there are burglars in the senate as well, reflecting the era’s snappy wit.
An African American woman Dinah appeals to a physician in the night claiming her husband is badly ill. The doctor asks for details and Dinah insists the problem is indigestion of the kidneys after he ate four plates of stewed kidneys and did not sleep. The humor hinges on dialect and mispronunciation.
A Sunday school teacher used a Bible verse exercise asking children to finish phrases. The chant explored contrasts as the class filled in lines about eyes ears and a nose, ending in playful refusals that led to humorous punchlines.
A naval officer sought a nephew’s appointment to the Naval Academy at Annapolis. The officer cited a long family naval tradition. President Cleveland, after a pause, considered the merit but suggested it might be time for a family member to “go to work for a living.”
A Iowa congressman Hull sent seeds in a franked envelope marked Penalty for private use $300. A constituent replies unsure how to avoid private use fines, asking the representative to fix the issue so seeds can be planted in a private garden without violating the penalty.
A man recalls a tokay wine bottle given in Hungary to be shared with a future doctor friend. He explains how he carried it across Europe, paid duties, and finally dropped it, leaving the wine label visible behind a glass paperweight in his library. The tale comes from a New York Tribune anecdote.
The piece argues domestic dogs and horses show less wit than their wild kin due to long human companionship. It claims civilization dulls their cunning, noting that training shapes behavior without enhancing mental capacity. Quote attributed to John Burroughs via Outing Magazine.
The article notes that many local houses bear Saxon inspired names such as hurst wood and holt, reflecting forest meanings. It observes that such endings are aesthetically pleasing and safe choices while hinting at Hastings history and a Saxon tragedy linked to the town name.
The London Standard notes pomp in English towns with Chichester's chief magistrate armed with a gold mounted malacca cane, Guildford's mayor bearing a queen Elizabeth gift, York's lord and lady mayors with silver mounted oak staves, and Ripon’s horn blower signaling at 9 pm with three blasts before the mayor’s residence and at the cross.
Mr Stubb explains a scientific paper noting petrified remains of prisoners found in ancient Roman prisons. Mrs Stubb comments that these would be considered hardened criminals.
Mark Twain failed to catch a work train and did not send an excuse. His telegram to the employer stated the train left at 7 20 and he arrived at 7 35 but could not catch it.
A quotation from Smith's Weekly notes a critique of women’s behavior, stating Mrs Hix-Mrs June seem too masculine and Mrs Dix consistently fusses over aches like a man would. The remark reflects gender stereotypes in early 20th century commentary.
A brief cocktail of opinion notes from the Louisville Courier Journal reflects on retrenching efforts while still maintaining an automobile. The tone suggests caution about cutbacks yet defends keeping essential mobility and speed within limits.
A Popular Mechanics description details rugged combined steam engine and winch craft used by Canadian and U S lumber camps. The vessel can operate its paddle wheels or screws or drive a steel cable for warping across portages. It crosses streams and climbs grades up to one foot per three, moving one to two miles daily with logs laid as tracks.
In a telling anecdote the minister who opposes bazaars recalls a street robbery. A footpad robs a man but asks permission to switch to a bazaar, and the victim replies cheerfully that the thief is first, ending the encounter. The tale underscores the minister’s stance on markets.
A critique argues that theater should match actors to parts rather than forcing impersonation. Managers are blamed for choosing performers by likeness rather than suitability, ignoring essential backstories such as a character's parentage that may predate the play.
A Houston Post exchange contemplates marriage as reform. The woman reportedly tamed a husband who drank heavily, once not a drinker before their marriage, raising questions about marital change and personal influence.
A quotation from the Louisville Courier-Journal jokes about finding the time and place and girl versus the rare pairing of man, shower, and umbrella. The witty exchange contrasts romantic planning with a practical mishap.
A brief dialogue from Harper's Weekly notes a claim of American citizenship by birth. Pat asserts birth in Donegal, Ireland, while highlighting the date of birth as the Fourth of July.
A Philadelphia Record quips that a wife’s demand for new neckties may influence a man to grow long chin whiskers as a humorous social remark.
Indignant mother questions the daughter's response to a kiss and the daughter insists she said no. The exchange turns on the daughter's misheard words "Don't stop" which sound like a contrasting instruction. The playful misunderstanding reveals social tensions over boundaries and communication.
A brief dialogue captures Uncle John teasing Tom about eating, with Tom replying that he feels bigger inside than he appears outside, a playful exchange reflecting character and humor.
An Exchange quip notes Howell and Powell debating a writer's finances. Howell claims the fortune came from his father-in-law's check book, while Powell suggests the man is not an author. The remark mocks the source of wealth through a family financial document.
An illustrated 40 page trap book shows 46 wild animals in natural colors. A fur and gun trap catalog lists prices for hides and furs. Free after postage with 10c silver stamps. Fur Dept. N W Hide and Fur Co Minneapolis Minn.
The ad warns that kidney trouble progresses quietly and can become fatal before symptoms are noticed. It urges taking Foley's Kidney Cure at the first sign of trouble to correct irregularities and prevent Bright's disease and diabetes.
At the county court in Washburn on the first Tuesday of February 1908 Dora D. Rust Frank Lee D. Rust and Paul D. Rust executors of William A. Rust deceased of Drummond apply for examination and allowance of their final administration account and assignment of residue to lawful heirs by order of County Judge WoodG. Irwin dated January 2 1908.
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