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Newspaper
Wakefield Advocate
Location
Wakefield, Michigan, United States of America
Date
Jun 12, 1915
Page
3
A collection of witty quips and dialogue snippets on manners, marriage, and patience. One joke notes a play titled The Perous Plaster draws attention while another line mocks the idea of a woman seeking divorce as needing to marry first.
In a wartime exchange a weary cyclist asks how far Poppelton is from a village. A native explains it is ten miles, but notes a last signpost had been turned around to fool Zeppelins, highlighting wartime deception and confusion.
After rain, Della persuades her mother to let her play outside while promising to stay on the walk. Soon she leans over and denies making mud-pies, insisting she is not making mud but doughnuts.
A reader from a western town shares a testimonial about stomach trouble and dramatic recovery after using Grape-Nuts food. The letter claims heartburn and gas vanished, weight increased from 98 to 116 pounds, and daily life improved. Postum Co. promotes the product with a call to read The Road to Wellville and notes new letters appear periodically.
Scientists propose that polar wobble may trigger seismic upheavals. The Abruzzi quake near Avezzano killed thousands, leveled towns, and sparked avalanches across the Alps while damage surpassed $60 million, with Europe feeling aftershocks from Italy to France and Switzerland.
A study led by Prof. Albert B. Faust of Cornell estimates 32,243,382 residents were of foreign birth or descent in 1910, equal to 35 percent of the white population. Germans, Irish, and English grouped among the largest origins. Canada and Austria Hungary contributed substantial numbers.
A metal door wedge with a built in mechanical bell rings when pressure is applied. The base has small points to grip carpet, preventing movement. It provides enhanced security by alerting when a door is forced, and is portable enough for travelers to carry.
A quirky epigram notes a rule that those who shave themselves hear less baseball. The sentence plays on barbering and sports attendance, suggesting a humorous trade off between personal grooming and watching games.
An old advertisement touts Marine Eye Remedy for red weak watery eyes and granulated lids. It invites readers to request the Book of the Eye and promotes free trial literature.
A readerquoted line shows a baseball fan replying to a query with a playful boast about enjoying time in the bleachers among foghorns. The exchange hints at local culture and casual sports chatter from a seaside or port town setting.
Advertisement touts Cuticura Soap and Ointment to soften rough hands with daily use. Instructions include hot soaks, drying, rubbing ointment, and wearing night gloves. Offers free sample by mail with a 32-page Skin Book from Cuticura, Boston.
The Central Law Journal notes a Philadelphia tailor billed a suing lawyer for $100.25 after a client suit case, listing items such as measuring and ordering for one suit, warrant and instructions to foreman, going to cloth merchants, cutting, materials, sundries, trying on, alterations, ledgers, button dealer, and various filings. The itemized total reached $100.25.
An ex corporal of the regular army seeks park work cleaning debris with a sharp stick. He asks about civil service exams and is told by a district leader that a letter from his captain confirming bayonet drill proficiency should convince the commissioner of his qualification.
A man returns home quietly and asks for his wife while a child guides him to the upstairs war zone where she supposedly guards the range. The narrator remarks that people who are too fresh often get into a pickle.
The ad promotes the Fireless Cooter Oven version of the New Perfection Wick Blue Flame Cook Stove in two sizes at Gealer's. It notes the stove is reasonably priced, cheaper than coal ranges and a good fireless cooker. The triangle trademark is highlighted for identification.
A passenger loudly declares a radical shift in views to support the Reds, prompting a frightened onlooker to seek the conductor. The conductor explains the strong stance is about Rhode Island Reds, not political ideology, calling the man a chicken raiser and noting the breed’s merit across seven states.
In a repartee set during a historical setting two prisoners argue about the Hague convention of 1907 and the entitlement of prisoners of war to pay for tasks. One prisoner questions what compensation they should receive for enduring tough meals and forced labor.
In a wartime remark, a speaker praises General Putnam as ideal for emergencies, noting his skill at leaping into a hole and escaping. The quote emphasizes quick, practical problem solving and resilience attributed to the general.
The passage questions how Hamfat might be queering the act, suggesting the method lay in his portrayal. It implies a deliberate performance that unsettles conventional expectations by adopting queer presentation.
A young man chained in a chair of torture complains of rapid hair loss as he recalls his bald father and grandfather. The barber quips about heredity, calling him heir to the hairless, provoking the captive to bolt into an alley.
Dr Charles B Davenport of the Eugenics Laboratory at Cold Spring Harbor argues that Maine’s high cancer rate reflects heredity. He says cancer resistance is a dominant trait and nonresistance appears when both parents are from nonimmune races, with cousin marriages increasing the likelihood, especially in rural Maine coastal islands.
Dialogue notes a waiter suggesting horseradish as the other vegetable or accompaniment to beef, after a line about potatoes. The exchange frames a short dining-room moment with humor about sides.
A brief aphorism states that true greatness is not self earned but thrust upon a man. It suggests humility and reflection on whether achievement arises from personal effort or circumstance.
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