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This newspaper page contains 22 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Vienna Progress
Location
Vienna, Georgia, United States of America
Date
Aug 22, 1901
Page
7
A mother disciplines her son with stern affection and forgiveness follows. The speaker recalls the boy’s bed and his mother’s fading tears as she prays beside his bed. The piece ends with a prayer for forgiveness at life’s end and for mercy from God.
At a reception a professor meets Mrs. Goldwin and remarks how Prudence has grown from a lively 16 year old to a graceful 20 year old. He reflects on time passing and celebrates the daughter’s coming of age.
A colonial English regiment's colonel laments that trombone players spoil the battalion's appearance. He instructs the bandmaster to enforce perfect marching by having the men move their sliding parts in and out together.
An inexpensive two gallon aquarium can be created from a drugstore globe bottle with sand stones and brook plants. Snails daces salamanders and other tiny creatures from the brook supply life. Plants provide oxygen and balance the water, reducing the need for weekly changes unless animal life is excessive.
A British officer writes home asking for $50 after losing another leg in combat. The reply quips that since this is the fourth leg he has lost, he should manage with the remaining limbs and wobble along.
A light exchange from the Catholic Standard and Times jokes about a circus act. Willie affirms readiness as a younger brother prepares for a risky knife-throwing routine, prompting playful banter about the danger.
Jones claims he places nine buckets of water on every tree each night to pass the time, while Smith notes this is to amuse himself rather than for the trees. The quip appears in the Chicago Record-Herald.
A bald husband recounts forgetful misadventure after sticking his wife's commission to the crown of his straw hat. Winds blow the hat into a construction site and he ends up forgetting entirely until his wife discovers the note was glued to his head.
A rustic speaker jokes about stealing turnips from a farmer to fill a barrel and hurry to the next village to sell them, promising a handsome profit from today’s work.
A humorous tale describes a farmer discovering his prized turnips vanished, prompting loud laughter from a performer in a village. The sketch ends with a gag about a barrel with no bottom and a massive 19,000 horsepower figure.
A witty exchange contrasts a Sabbatarian with Waggs over the idea of a sacred concert. The Sabbatarian calls it sacred, while Waggs asks for justification. The dialogue then shifts to a quip about how newspapers and magazines differ in their offers.
A playful verse describes how robins build nests with yellow hay, downy floss, feathers, moss, and woven twine. It portrays robin folklore of nest construction and a robin guiding the tale from leafy hiding places to early spring warmth.
Nathan Straus recounts a tale about his world famous pacer Robert J racing a stranger’s bay pacer on a dirt road to a speedway. The rival rider doubted Robert J’s speed but the pacer quickly drew away, leaving the man astonished at the pace and his own horse halted at the curb.
In Pittsfield Mays an explosive expert Maxim, famed for forgetfulness of faces, mistook a stranger for an acquaintance. He greeted the man with a hearty hello only to learn he had clashed with him the day prior, sparking a comic memory mix up.
The New York Sun details the typical larder of the ocean liner Deutsch land on a New York to Hamburg crossing. It lists 40 tons of ice and items such as 14 beef cattle 10 calves 29 sheep 26 lambs 9 hogs 1500 chickens eggs oysters potatoes vegetables tomatoes lettuce flour oatmeal butter milk cream ice cream fruit wine beer and water carried as a liberal margin for each voyage.
An old horseman ponders why fragile paper unsettles horses while tugs, carts, and even progress fail to frighten them. He notes some horses fear a lone piece of paper yet ignore loud circus bands and nearby disasters. The piece highlights lasting habits of rural work animals versus new transport.
Leicester Harmsworth met a red headed crofter in Caithness during the recent British election. The crofter mocked politicians then warmed to the candidate and finally declared Sir you are the very man for us. The exchange shows a shift from distrust to support.
The major domo of Stafford House, residence of the Duke of Sutherland, is cited as among the elite in royal service circles. A famed remark attributed to him claims he said Hamlet proves why the lower orders have many ways to earn a living, reflecting elite disdain.
Ex Speaker Reed was in the Supreme Court at Washington when the justices were slow to assemble. Reed waited with elephantine patience. A friend whispered, Can you count a quorum. He replied with dignity that when he counted a quorum there always was quo ram.
A New York Times account recounts Joseph Ramsey Jr. becoming president of the Washington Bash railway after millionaire coalman Joseph Walton met him in Pittsburg. Walton sought Ramsey to lead a projected road and, after discovering Ramsey’s hands on skill, aided his rapid advancement.
The Chicago Journal notes Lillian Russell delivered a caustic retort at a banquet with a Russian noble. The noble complained about American cooking and mocked the dishes, prompting Russell to slide a dish toward him and remark with quiet dignity as he allegedly stumbled.
A Boer farmer and British staff officer exchange a clash over forage as the officer orders the destruction of oat straw. The straw bursts into flame, the officer departs, and the farmer quips that Khakis are strange people, joking about selling straw to the English. The tale features colonial tensions and humorous miscommunication.
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