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Newspaper
Seattle Star
Location
Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Date
Jun 26, 1916
Page
4
A fragmentary column mocks moral debates and social mores with quips about business men, buslmen, and Guardsmen while lampooning dreamers of comfort and a dangerous chorus of youth. It offers a sharply satirical take on gender expectations and public policy through ironic dialogue and counsel.
In a bustling provincial town readers chuckle at a White Elephant party misfit shoehorned into society rituals. The scene features a clash of fashion, weddings, and a cranky bride’s father, with a dash of New York World critique and a sermon critique that mirrors wartime anxieties.
In a crowded urban scene, Frank Marley the streetcar boss and socialite Molly Morley encounter Sledge the powerful rival. A plot to extend lines and buy land unfolds as Bendix, Glider, and others scheme around Molly’s party and Sledge’s schemes.
A public editorial declares resolve to fight if Mexico forces war with the United States. It criticizes centuries of Mexican governance, praises Wilson’s restraint, and urges pacification of Mexico or victory at the border. It emphasizes duty over desire to kill and warns of ongoing political provocations by Carranza Villa Trevino and others.
The City appoints special policemen for duty on the docks awaiting the longshoremen strike. They should be paid by the City, not private interests. Extra precautions may incur city expense, but reliance on private goodwill risks trouble and should be avoided. The Water Frontees union paying wages is dangerous and ought to stop.
A comic note suggests Willie Hearst remains unwed and that Leap Year could make him particularly eligible, offering a neighborly nudge about a potential marriage link amid a fraught domestic matter.
An old man near a century asks for life insurance and shows vigor of a twenty year old after taking iron supplements. The piece promotes nuxated iron as a safe, effective strength booster and endurance aid, claiming dramatic, rapid results with a money back guarantee. It notes tests, cautions against older iron forms, and cites Dr Saver.
Molly’s ride leads to Sledge veto of the Bozzam deal threatening her father’s business. Bendix, disgusted, proposes a plan to favor old stockholders pro rata with undivided surplus in stock. Sledge nods in cautious approval as the surplus remains in stock.
In a tense meeting the group discusses transferring old shares for new stock and convening a stockholders meeting to declare a 60 percent extra dividend. Plans involve Marley Borzzag and a timetable, with Bendix and Sledge weighing motives and partnerships. Bert Glider is pressed to finalize a Porson tract deal.
An arrival bursts onto Molly's front porch as Ben Sledge and a chained bull Bob arrive to meet Molly. Bob, described as one eyed and battle scarred, is introduced to Molly with playful banter before the party crowds gather and gossip begins about Mike. The scene ends with a tease for the next issue.
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