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Newspaper
Osceola Record
Location
Osceola, Nebraska, United States of America
Date
Mar 11, 1909
Page
4
A collage of light humor and quick gags features a milkman escaping doughnuts, misheard phrases about real estate gains, and a cheerful classroom chorus debating proper expressions. Snappy jests mix with playful wordplay and puns.
A famed physician visits the countryside for rabbit shooting but fails to wound any. He laments his luck, while the host suggests he write the rabbits a prescription instead.
In a dialogue between Grouchly and Mrs Grouchly they plan to economize due to hard times. She proposes firing the cook while he questions the idea and she asserts she will cook herself to cut meals.
In a light exchange Mrs Kay laments her husband’s smoking while Mrs Eli recalls breaking her own habit by acting as purchasing agent and buying all his cigars. The women share a humorous wartime style domestic tip about smoking cessation.
A brief dialogue joke features a witty exchange between The Woman of St and Miss Overton about age. The punchline hinges on a boast about having shed years, delivered as light humor.
Dialogue reveals DeYoung pressing Oldgold about reconciliation. Oldgold confirms a monetary advance of several thousand dollars as part of attempts to mend their marriage.
A husband jokes during courtship that nothing in the hat line is good enough for his wife, explaining his refusal to buy a new hat. The witty exchange underscores a playful domestic moment.
A quip about love letters from wise men. A clerk jokes that wise men never publish their love letters, prompting the timid reader to admit she lacks the collection. The exchange plays on secrecy and wisdom in a humorous bookshop moment.
Pearl-Percy Cauliflower struggles with two suitors as in one encounter a father supervised with gloves and in another a brother, a pugilist, intervened with gloves. Ruby and Pearl recount the incidents in a breezy local note.
A witty exchange about a husband’s habit of counting to ten before speaking. One woman jokes the habit stems from always treating home like arithmetic since his dyspepsia. The brief humor reflects domestic foibles and light couplet humor.
A brief excerpt shows a bold exchange as a young girl asserts she is only shopping and resists patronizing remarks. The dialogue highlights social dynamics and gendered expectations in a public setting.
A Washington Star quip jokes about marriage and getting the last word and last sword in an argument. Mr. Meekton quips that agreeing with his wife hinges on having the final say, invoking playful banter on domestic debate.
A daughter calls the letter only a business note while her father mocks it as a sealed proposal, with curious onlookers noting the exchange as a formal, restrained scene in Baltimore society.
Bronson explains the season ends because courses close to encourage actual play. Woodsoap questions the closure and suggests people should go play rather than chat about it.
A playful exchange frames a crime of stealing a calendar as a joking sentence about receiving twelve months. No real incident reported.
A Detroit Free Press note describes a sociologist praised for his broad appeal and talent to entertain a room full of guests. The remark highlights his ease in engaging diverse audiences and keeping attendees lively.
A brief comic exchange questions a man’s worth and illness. The respondent suggests the man is not rich, estimating about five dollars, and concludes the issue is simply laziness despite mentions of ennui.
A suburban man recalls a burglar who stole every squeaky phonograph in the area. The visitor asks what punishment fits the crime, and the man jokes that the thief deserves a monument for his mischief.
Silas Hofardapple asserts Chicago is the most honest city in the States. Cyrus cites his boast of carrying a dollar watch and the lack of theft as proof, while Sias recalls the moment for the remark.
A man brings a parcel to a Mrs. in Baltimore, containing a fish marked 7 O D. She instructs delivery to return to the dealer, noting she ordered trout. The snippet captures a casual domestic moment reported by the Baltimore American.
The Brooklyn Life quips about absent and present treatment in a humorous dialogue between Brown and Jones. Brown asks if treatment was ever absent, Jones replies yes and vows to have present treatment at home, highlighting playful wordplay on absence and presence.
In 18ST the Crown Prince asked Prof. Leopold Schroetter for the truth about his illness. Frederick, a soldier who could face death, pressed for a plain diagnosis. Schroetter, struggling to keep control, said the serious complaint might develop into carcinoma but could not be confirmed at that moment.
A Manchester Chronicle writer contrasts Keir Hardie's residence at Neville’s Court in E C with a country village image. The article praises a well kept house at No 14 and an isolated suburb feel while noting the political usefulness of living among workers.
Mr Benson learns a wig wearer, the wealthy Colonel Stubbs, is his mirror image in status and hair. After failed restoratives and six months with a specialist, he realizes the man with the rich wig may hold the key to his own hopes.
The Nebraska House and Senate unanimously vote to congratulate William H. Taft on his presidential induction. Speaker Poole and President Pro Tem George W. Tibbets dispatch the message to Washington, praising the Union and Nebraska loyalty.
Old Square Bemis settled a dispute involving Ephraim Gregg and Bill Henderson over a colt that damaged a garden. Bemis asked no fee and urged abiding by his decision. Gregg offered four dollars but Bemis noted damages from blackberry vines would exceed that, suggesting to drop the case. Gregg decided to let it go.
A fragment reflects on women in factories and sculleries, condemning the factory system. It contrasts yearning for personal life with chained, bare existences and harsh labor conditions in London kitchens and sculleries.
A fragmented verse finds its return as the author recalls a poem titled Washington and Bema after a quick retrieval. The lines hint at creative rebirth and immediate feedback from the cultural moment.
In a quiet gathering the topic of spirits and séances commands close listening as participants seek signs from beyond. The air fills with speculation and curiosity about messages from the other side.
Mrs Mary Baldwin was found murdered in her Saugatuck area home. A deep head wound and a hurried room search are noted. The Baldwin barn was burned by incendiaries last Thursday night. Possible enemies are not yet known.
United States pursues damages against American Sugar Refining Co for alleged fraudulent weighing. Judge Holt to charge after defense closes. verdict planned tomorrow.
Madison Wisconsin Senator Isaac Stephenson completed Spooner’s term and won election to a six year term on the 33rd ballot in the Wisconsin joint assembly. He received 63 votes out of 123 cast, a narrow majority.
A Wednesday afternoon ice jam on the Elkhorn River between Stanton and Norfolk collapsed the two span bridge south of Stanton. The river rose four feet quickly and drifting ice bent 14 inch oak piling like toothpicks. The bridge had been built two years earlier after the river altered its channel.
Readable text notes Taft and Roosevelt as old friends and peers in a March encounter. The piece hints at strong bipartisan sentiment and a joint public stance stemming from the era’s military and naval service history.
Taft recalls his early ties with Theodore Roosevelt and their shared stance on political reform and practical progress. He describes Roosevelt as a loyal, capable leader who valued team effort and accepted responsibility for his subordinates.
Paris papers praise Theodore Roosevelt as a remarkable and influential figure while lauding William H. Taft as a capable safer successor. European observers note Roosevelt’s athletic action role and Taft’s steadier approach. London chambers of commerce plan a congratulatory petition to Taft upon his presidency and goodwill toward America.
Five hundred iron shipbuilders and boilermakers at the Chicago Shipbuilding company in South Chicago struck yesterday to protest a 10 percent wage cut. The union members earn about $2.50 to $5 a day for nine hours. The strike has halted yard operations.
Omaha reports show Greeks have abandoned South Omaha after the riot last week. Few have returned and those remaining are preparing to leave. Italians and other residents believe Greeks will not return. Some Greeks stay in Omaha or in Council Bluffs, but most have moved away from the area.
In Sacramento the senate adopted a resolution urging Congress to enact an Asiatic exclusion law to bar Japanese and Chinese aliens from the United States.
News from the isthmus reports a quake last Saturday with cracks in Mozozvntle Chianas and fissures in the ground. Shocks were felt at Tona'a San Cristobal de Las Casas Tustla and San Juan Bautista but no major damage is noted. residents were terrorized.
In Omaha police arrested John D. Sclavinus who used the alias Savis while trying to sell a pearl necklace valued at least one hundred thousand dollars to jeweler Albert Edholm. The single strand of sixty three pearls was secured with a large diamond clasp and experts corroborate Edholm's valuation.
Resignation of P. R. Anderson as Superintendent of the county poor farm at Kearney. Death of Charles Teipel at age 7 in Plattsmouth from influenza, with family survivors listed. Advent of Adolph Schneider, a German traveler, plans a three year world voyage on foot. Rev. J. J. Parker arrives in Kearney to lead Congregational church. Mrs. Reed of Beatrice suffers paralysis in Battle Creek Michigan. Emma Stanke marries Frederick Thewle in Leigh. John F. Montgomery of Oak marries at Syracuse and undergoes appendicitis surgery in Omaha. Beatrice Library Board approves $200 in new books and boosts fundraising toward $1,000. Judge H. D. Travis in Nebraska City opens term then returns to Plattsmouth for murder case. Washington memorial service in Humboldt features Washington address by Hoff and inspection of Company C. Grand Island board fights tuberculosis by screening pupils. Fire at Grand Island Kelso broom factory area uses garden hose to extinguish. Beatrice: Mrs Hanks killed by train at Fort Worth crossing. husband-in-law informed. Hastings plans for church floor skating rink denied by Congregational trustees. Nebraska City Greeks’ clothes stolen from Missouri Pacific cars. thieves escape. Ogalalla: life sentence for murder of Walter Mann, with solitary confinement anniversaries. Silver Creek Board re-elects Prof. Gevarze P. McGrew as principal with higher salary. Bayard H. Pains runs for Grand Island police judge. Grand Island Elks to hold charity fair, committees named.
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