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Newspaper
New Harmony Register
Location
New Harmony, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Aug 07, 1885
Page
3
A New York Graphic excerpt details a Chinese diplomat’s possession of an ancient manuscript. It translates passages on love, jealousy, and human nature, contrasting men's and women's behavior, marriage to widows versus virgins, and views on reward, gratitude, and self interest.
A drunken Joe McFlannigan at a West Madison street saloon notices a whisky bottle sliding on the ice. He warns the bar that he has had a hic warning and vows never to touch another drop. The tale, told in a humorous voice, contrasts a whale heart anecdote with a slipping heart-in-the-ventricle incident.
A Chicago Ledger tale follows a Clark street businessman advised by a friend to deliberately shift mind from work. The plan centers on engaging, distracting activities such as cycling, riding, animals, or roller skating to break the grip of constant commerce and restore health.
Carpl remembers Lincoln's 1860 New York journey on the way to Washington. The tall gaunt president-to-be posed awkwardly as the photographer nudged his collar, joking that a shorter neck was needed. The image became popular and Lincoln praised the photographer for connecting him with the public.
A verse jeu d esprit credited to the Rev Charles Wesley contrasts Handel and Bach with sharp partisan flair. The piece railing against Handel mocks his style while praising Bach and his chromatic tunes, framed as a brief literary joke in period voice.
Tre fashionable color at the skating rinks this season is green. We presume this is on account of the large number of amateurs with which the rinks are filled this year.
A traveler recalls a hostile Selma Alabama host who balked at payment and griped at life. Six weeks later the man, now transformed after using Warner’s safe cure, greets the guest warmly. The wife says the remedy rekindled affection and softened temper, aiding many happy matches.
New York Graphic notes the rigid etiquette of carriage style for fashionable women and their coachmen. It describes posture, parasol angle, and the ritual return to curb, praising restraint as mark of refinement and class. The piece mocks any departure from practiced poise.
In Sumatra a singular race, the Kubus, dwell hidden in forests and avoid outsiders. Malays view them as inferior and the Kubus trade by gong signals, with barter carried out as traders retreat then return. They live by forest foods, hunt deer and pigs, and resemble anthropoid apes in some respects.
Mrs Smith reads a newspaper and declares Chinese customs require a man to prove courage by pulling a tooth. Mr Smith jokes about becoming a General, recalls holding his mother-in-law’s jaw during a dental extraction as proof, shared in this Newman Independent item.
In a provincial theater soon after a Glasgow calamity a well dressed woman forces herself into an empty stall. the manager asks her to leave, she refuses and warns if touched she will yell Fire. The packed audience watches as the confrontation ends unresolved while a separate strongman lifts 3,500 pounds with maximal effort.
Louisville business leader Mr. J. Helmus, vice president of the City Brewery, suffered a severe rheumatism attack in the ice vaults. Carried home in a wagon, he refused a doctor and sent for St Jacobs Oil. A week later he was cured and back at work.
A Philadelphia Times writer notes an asphalt lake in central Trinidad, an inexhaustible 100 acre black crude lake. The Venezuelan government owns the resource, leased to a Washington company with no president named A. L. Barber. The firm operates schooners to Trinidad and monopolizes the material shipped to Broad Street beyond Columbia Avenue.
A promotional description asserts that frequent meals cause dyspepsia and discomfort, but Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters offers relief and potential cure with continued use. It claims to improve appetite, aid digestion, promote healthy blood, ease nerves, and prevent malaria while addressing constipation, rheumatism, kidney and liver issues.
A humorous exchange quotes Thad boasting of a confrontation with rival Smith after a fight breaks out. The man claims he struck first while the rival strikes him on the mouth. The woman criticizes the strike as unfair to the mustache, and a domestic scene shows a broomstick chase of the man of the house.
A fragmented old ad page praises Dr. Pierce of Buffalo for Golden Medical Discovery as a liver and blood purifier and household physician, with testimonials of curing rheumatism and other diseases. It lists medical tonics, hotel ads, and a note on Ferro-Phosphorated Elixir of Calcium for digestion and fever prevention, concluding with Frazer Axle Grease claim.
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