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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Mar 26, 1896
Page
4
A Chicago Tribune report discusses urban fear of being buried alive. A cemetery grave held a coffin with flowers atop open soil and a widow’s husband, a local crank on the topic, keeps vigil. He funds tests to ensure death, while inventors propose alarms and safeguards like wires chloroform daggers and timed releases.
United States Marshal John Henry McCarty recalls asking nine of ten friends if they have climbed to the statue of Liberty top. Only less than 1 percent said yes. Macfarlane asks the question and McCarty notes the joke about Americans scrambling if the statue stood in Europe.
A terse exchange notes a dog refusing tobacco as a dig at tobacco users. The Louisville Western Recorder rejects equating all nonusers with dogs while critiquing a North Carolina Baptist remark.
Old people needing medicine for bowels and kidneys find Electric Bitters a tonic with no whiskey. It acts mildly on the stomach and bowels, adds strength and tone, aids digestion, and is sold by J. H. Bacher's drug store for fifty cents and one dollar per bottle.
A New York sportsman recounts frog warnings as a big frog near his fishing spot croaks to scare perch and sunfish away. After killing the frog with a club he resumes catching bass, then shoots the frog when it mocks his success. The tale also recalls George Augustus Sala’s Victoria Station anecdote with a cab driver.
A humorous exchange recounts a woman mortified to discover her fiancé in the reception room was actually his twin brother. The friend suggests seeking a twin for doubled amusement, illustrating a lighthearted mishap from a Chicago Evening Post snippet.
Mrs. Arthur Simmons reports severe infant colic eased after using Dr Hand's Colic Cure bought with physician guidance. She says nearly three bottles made the baby pleasant and laughing, endorsed by the remedy’s availability from druggists at 25 cents.
A western member recalls a 1879 Sierra snowbound tale with three men including an English professor and a Harvard graduate. They trap a snowshoe hare to eat, but the Harvard graduate kicks the trap, losing the animal. The hair restorer is invoked as a joke about sacrificing years for such a possession, ending with the group in silence.
On returning from Mar del Plata Pedro brings home a bottle with sand and salt water to show his ocean experience to parents who had never seen the sea. They are greatly impressed by the gesture and the tale of his voyage. The note also cites flattery and praise noted by Pliny and Louis XVI.
An advertisement urges mothers to use Dr Hand's Colfe Cure for baby colic claiming immediate relief by removing wind and calming nerves. It promises restful sleep and notes a 25 cent bottle available at drug stores. It also promotes Dr Hand's Teething Lotion for teething pain at 25 cents.
The Chicago Record quotes a remark about a daughter with numerous admirers and a humorous note that she uses old engagement rings as curtain rods, illustrating light social chatter of the era.
Mrs Phoebe Thomas of Junction City Illinois was told she had consumption and had no hope but two bottles of Dr King’s New Discovery cured her completely. Thomas Eggers of 139 Florida Street San Francisco suffered a dreadful cold approaching consumption and found relief after one bottle, two weeks later cured. Free trial bottle at J H Bacher & Co drug store with regular sizes 50c and 1.00.
An enterprising Toronto clergyman advertised a Sunday worship with the evening service subject titled Woman. The notice urged parishioners to attend and join in worship.
Buckien’s Arnica Salve proclaims itself the best salve for cuts bruises sores ulcers salt rheum fever sores tetter chapped hands chilblains corns and all skin eruptions. It claims to cure piles or no pay. Guaranteed satisfaction or money refunded. Price 25 cents per box. For sale by J H Bacher & Co.
A quoted saying attributed to Haliburton notes that the key to life is avoiding getting in others way. It reflects a pragmatic, unobtrusive outlook on personal conduct and social interaction.
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