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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Dec 05, 1912
Page
4
A collection of quips and satirical notes on society and science including remarks on gender language, lawsuits, tuberculosis cures, hygienic marriages, aging, hair loss in 600 years, egg production, autopsy quirks, heartbeat registries, wealth without work, Royal adoption of a typewriter, theft notices, and fashion trends. A piecemeal montage reflecting early 20th century newspaper humor and social commentary.
A Boston man argues poetry is as much the stomach as the brain. He says one empties the stomach of ideas to fill the other with food.
A Chinese newspaper with a 1500 year history has paused publication. The move sheds light on the origin of many old jokes and their historical context.
New York restaurant proprietors along the great white way reserve tables for men only likely for members of the Ali mony club.
The statement claims perfumes make many people ill and should be banned by law. He suggests that perfume users could be treated as a common nuisance.
The original Treasure Island, now renamed Christmas Island, has been sold. Its reported crop is copra instead of pirates, skeletons, or buried treasure, signaling a quiet economic shift from legend to commerce.
The remark notes that even when the sentimental burglar is restored on the victim’s plea, the items would still fetch little at the pawnbroker. The line hints at minimal monetary worth despite emotional appeal.
A beauty doctor advises watching shoulder blades to avoid protrusion, noting not everyone can attend evening events where decollete is in fashion.
Fashion commentators foretell women will wear hair very thin atop with the decline of rat and puff styles and the end of elongated hatpins, signaling a change in current headwear aesthetics.
A German proposes sending missionaries to teach people how to make love but critics doubt the method. The idea faces opposition from those who see it as an unwelcome intrusion into personal relations.
A New York college professor intends to walk to Chicago. The move appears aimed at delaying arrival as much as possible, suggesting a deliberate pace or detour to prolong the journey.
The piece recalls Dakotah Bub who trekked 25000 miles and aimed for Porto Rico for wintering but was seriously injured by an automobile. The tale mirrors a veteran who survived 100 battles yet was later killed by a mule.
Mme Paquin notes fashion for women rests largely on individual taste though women will still follow dressmaker dictates.
London dispatch reports three German inventors have created a machine that digests vegetables and yields chemical milk. The next step is to adapt the device to process fertilizers earth and water to grow gherical vegetables.
Des Moines reports the Iowa State Horticultural Society plans three day convention December 10 to 12 with morning and afternoon sessions and evening sessions on Dec 11 and 12. Executive board meeting December 13. Officers to be elected December 12 at 7 30 p.m. with current officers listed. Board of directors named from multiple Iowa towns. Savery hotel to serve as headquarters. meetings in the horticultural room at the state house.
Joe Thomas a farm hand armed with razor and revolver and clad only in night clothes stood off would be rescuers at Overlook farm near Bronson all night. Authorities report he was drunk and believed to be crazed. He escaped with razor seized earlier and left town. search is underway.
Record shows C. E. McCaffree’s trio of cows produced 25 590 pounds of milk from Nov 1 1911 to Nov 1 1912. Milk sold to local creamery yielded $381 47 in checks, about 127 16 per cow.
Harold Tafferty, eight, son of Mr. and Mrs. J. W. Tafferty, living on a farm near Rhodes, died when he was drawn into a corn sheller belt while watching workers. His neck was broken in the accident.
Denison area druggists form a county wide group to promote business. Mrs Murray state organizer for the Druggists Mutual Insurance association has been active in the county and a Arion meeting to organize a branch is planned for this week.
Miss Terresa Carri gan aged 20 a school teacher near Ayrshire was instantly killed when returning from school Thursday night. Her horse became frightened and pulled the buggy in front of a Minneapolis St. Louis train.
Constantinople reports reliable word that Greece has concluded peace with Turkey, retaining Salonika. Disputes center on Adrianople and war indemnity, with Turkey seeking no indemnity and control of border regions. A commission will map positions at Tchatalja to aid formal demarcation. Durazzo is occupied by Serb forces as Austrian ships depart with refugees.
The mortal remains of Senator Isidor Rayner of Maryland were laid to rest in Rock Creek Cemetery after his death from neuritis. President Taft, cabinet officials, and members of both houses attended, with Maryland sending an official party to honor one of its favored sons.
In Daly City California Willie Ritchie defeats Ad Wolgast in the sixteenth round to win the lightweight world title as Referee Jim Griffin disqualifies Wolgast after repeated fouls. Wolgast collapses on the canvas and the crowd erupts as the championship transfers to California for the first time in Queensberry history.
Plans here call for cement paving of forty city blocks this year marking the first such project for the municipality. The initiative aims to improve streets and infrastructure with public funds and contractor work.
Lake Clear Lake freezes to a glassy surface thick enough for skating. Ice boating activities are anticipated to begin within days as locals observe the winter conditions.
Burglars entered S. M. Frohm's butcher shop in Council Bluffs and forced the bottom from a safe, escaping with about $500. They rolled the safe into a large ice box, turned it on end, and cut the bottom out with chisels.
The Fenton Reporter will suspend publication until editor Jake Schwartz recovers from smallpox, as he also serves as printer and pressman.
S. R. McClosky received a twenty-five year sentence in Fort Madison penitentiary for second degree murder in the September 2 Webster City killing of Thomas Brown.
Auto accident just west of Fremont killed driver Lawrence McCreery and injured Mr. and Mrs. Harry Mc Burney. The crash left the others hospitalized with injuries described in local reports.
The trial of George W. Fitzgerald charged with stealing $173,000 from the government sub-treasury was postponed due to illness of Federal Judge Carpenter.
Jacob Souers of Huntington, age 99, prepared to celebrate his hundredth birthday on December 14 and asked for his first professional shave at a local barber shop. The event marks a rare personal milestone for the city’s longtime resident.
Cecelia Farley was acquitted of first degree murder in the shooting of Alvin Zollinger in a Columbus city park last May. The verdict came Saturday after her trial, ending the case.
The jury found Joseph J Ettor Arturo Giovannitti and Joseph Caruso not guilty of murdering Anna Lopizzo during the Lawrence textile strike riot. Each defendant faced additional indictments including conspiracy to incite riot and assault with a deadly weapon. The trial linked Ettor and Giovannitti to IWW leadership and a January 12 strike that drew 30,000 workers.
Four New York gunmen named Gyp the Blood Whitey Lewis Lefty Louie and Dago Frank were sentenced by Justice Goff to die in the Sing Sing electric chair during the week of January for the murder of Herman Rosenthal.
Miss Blanche Bates the famed actress and George Creel Denver editorial writer and police commissioner were married in Bates home in Newcastle on Thursday.
The new trial on appeal of 106 Koreans convicted September 28 of participating in a conspiracy against Count Terauchi, the Japanese governor general of Korea, began Tuesday in Seoul.
Princess Marie of Belgium the countess of Flanders died in Brussels after pneumonia. She was in her sixty eighth year and was King Albert’s mother. The death occurred Tuesday.
Governor Colquitt of Texas and his staff headed a procession of about 18 000 turkeys through Cuero on Tuesday creating the largest Thanksgiving display of the year.
Ortie McManigal testified in federal court that the McNamara brothers planned to destroy Los Angeles with a city bending explosion and fire after the Times bombing. He described efforts to force money from the executive board and a scheme to blow up the Panama Canal locks under construction. The discussions, at the international headquarters in Indianapolis on April 7, 1911, occurred days before their Detroit arrests.
A Brunswick Home for the Feeble minded on Long Island burned killing one and leaving several missing. In Bilbao a moving picture theater disaster killed fifty. A prairie fire devastated a large Sioux reservation area in South Dakota. In Alais a coal mine explosion killed twenty four. John Schrank, Roosevelt’s would be assassin, was committed to an insane asylum in Wisconsin.
Secretary Meyer of the Navy department denied rumors Tuesday that he planned to resign. The denial followed widespread circulation in Washington.
Ed ward M. Brown, 72, collapsed and died at Thanksgiving dinner in Bloomington Illinois after finishing a blessing. Relatives were present during the family reunion when the fatal incident occurred.
Former United States Senator John Percival Jones who represented Nevada in Congress for many years died in Los Angeles after a long illness. He served in the Senate for an extended period and passed away on Thursday.
The National American Woman Suffrage Association closed its annual convention in Philadelphia on November 28 after adopting resolutions praising the citys hospitality and services.
Hamilton Bermuda November 28 President-elect Wilson showed improvement from his illness attending a dinner in his honor hosted by the governor general and Lady Bullock.
Des Moines Iowa eyes a new cold storage regulation as part of a broader set of measures favored by Dairy and Food Commissioner Barney The proposed law requires licenses inspections quarterly reporting and strict labeling for stored goods It also bans sale of aged items unless customers are notified and limits storage to twelve months with possible extensions.
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