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Newspaper
Monticello Express
Location
Monticello, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Aug 24, 1899
Page
4
The Kansas City Times describes a self experiment to prove one foot moves faster than the other. By walking casually in a clear area without aiming to stay centered, a person naturally veers to one side within 100 yards due to a longer stride or quicker movement by one leg.
A fragment from an English 1804 magazine treats a duke’s lavish daily eating routine and muses on health, wealth, and vitality. It then cites brief maxims on beauty and wealth, followed by notes on Indian elephants and Australia’s population potential.
A compact collection of humorous quotes from Chicago Tribune Atchison Globe and Galveston News. The lines pair a train rush joke with a note on worry and village grievances, reflecting witty regional flavor.
A Chicago description tells how a naive looking man, known locally as a rube, is approached by a shrewd thief. The thief tries to sell fake diamonds and jokes about selling to the innocent passerby who is amused but wary, and mutters that he was mistaken for a rube after the incident.
A Chicago Inter Ocean item notes women on the South Side L train flashing gilded teeth, with two upper gold replacements and a 22 carat lower tooth. The piece explains cheap shell implants allow quick imitation gold smiles, tracing the fad from actresses to urban taste and the ease of swapping or plating teeth as needed.
A Chicago News tale recalls a mean man who painted a football to look like a watermelon and displayed it in his yard while letting a savage bulldog menace passersby. A sharp observer notes another man who profits by dodging tips, revealing a sly, self serving trick in a restaurant encounter.
A passerby argues that smokers seem healthy not from tobacco but from sulphur in matches carried loose in pockets. He suggests smoke and sulphur ward off microbes, offering this note to old chronics who claim they can quit anytime but never push the time.
A sensitive plate exposed to dark heat waves will become affected. With the plate covered the same result occurs from light waves such as sunlight. A fair test is to expose an aluminium disk to their action. X rays penetrate this metal, and heat waves may affect the photographic plate.
The daily sundown ritual at Gibraltar features the keeper of the keys marching under a military guard through the town center. A regimental band plays stirring tunes as enormous keys are carried aloft, symbolizing Britain’s vigilance over its prime military treasure.
In a tale from Cornhill Magazine a young Count Ito hides beneath floor space as assassins threaten his wife. She urges him to live, empties the hibatchi firebox, and helps him hide, enduring brutal abuse while Count Ito later becomes a premier of Japan.
A red heifer about two years old is on a farm four miles north of Monticello. The owner may reclaim by proving ownership and paying the required expenses. 8w2 Jacon EDEN.
Saturday excursion to Clear Lake offers a $2.50 round trip ticket from Monticello with travel on Saturdays and return by Monday. ADVERTISEMENT notices promote DeWitt’s remedies and public notices on cures, health claims, and local personnel achievements. James Clark of Quincy, Ill. celebrated his 100th birthday as the oldest Mason in America.
The Dr. King's New Discovery proprietors claim over ten million trial bottles given free to aid the sick with coughs colds and consumption. They assert thousands cured and offer a free trial bottle from D C Prader Co with regular sizes 50c and 1. A testimonial from Thomas Rhoads Centerfield Ohio credits DeWitt’s Witch Hazel Salve with curing long standing piles.
Abra ham Hare of Belleville Ohio declares Electric Bitters the best selling bitters in his 20 years of experience. The tonic improves stomach and liver function kidneys bowels and blood while strengthening nerves and rebuilding vitality. Only 50 cents at D C Prader Co druggists with guarantee.
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