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Newspaper
Mitchell Capital
Location
Mitchell, South Dakota, United States of America
Date
Mar 04, 1898
Page
2
A chronic petty thief, E C Jones, grabs four live turkeys to create a balloon escape as Patrolman Hogan pursues through Market Street. Jones nosedives upward aided by the turkey wings, but the feathery ascent ends when their flight collides with a roof and the quartet crash lands back to the floor.
A New York farmer and his wife have not spoken in twenty years, communicating only through a black cat. The quarrel began over church attendance, with Mrs Stewart attending weekly while he refused. They plan a party to mark the settlement of their long dispute after forty one years of marriage.
A serious-minded Cleveland man visits a department store to buy infants food. The clerk names Blank's Granum Cashs condensed milk and Space s Lactatum, prompting a puzzled reply about changing brands. He exits wondering why the clerks laughed.
The piece notes light travels 146 340 miles per second and requires four years and four months to reach the nearest star. It compares this to a 31 mph express train needing 75 million years to reach Alpha Centauri and a ski cannonball taking about 250 million years to reach the same point, stating Alpha Centauri as the closest star neighbor.
The text notes fourteen asylums for the homeless besides two night shelters, hosting 144,027 people last year. Among lodgers were 248 professors and teachers, 18 students, 5 authors, 5 journalists, 120 actors and singers, 40 musicians, and 16 music teachers.
Historical notes include March temperature data from Weather Bureau records, with warmest month average around sixty degrees and coldest near negative ten. Also cited are precipitation figures, wind patterns, and a brief selection of household remedies and a postal note listing undelivered letters from 1898.
D C Rogers of Minneapolis won the Minnesota Association championship with four wins to claim first prize. F A Huxman tied for second with three and a half wins, while W E Bill and J W Clark tied for third.
Mr and Mrs John Turton, arriving from the Northwest Territory, believe the girl at the Children's Home in Sioux Falls may be their long lost daughter Aupa Russell. Superintendent Sherrard says he cannot release the girl without government consent as she is a ward of the Indians. He has telegrammed Senator Kyle to request Indian Department approval for turning her over if identified.
An advertisement extols Electric Bitters as a vegetable tonic for nervous fatigue and digestive aid, claiming benefits for liver and kidneys and blood purification. It notes a price of 50 cents to 1 dollar per bottle at Scallin's drug store and includes other local notices for DeWitt’s Witch Hazel Salve and DeWitt's Little Early Risers with various local endorsements and services offered by K A Johnson and L O Gale.
French pharmacist Monsieur Jacquemin claims a process to extract fruit flavors from leaves. From apple leaves he makes a liquid tasting of apples and from vine leaves a wine like beverage. He says fruit flavors originate in the leaves.
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