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Newspaper
Marble Hill Press
Location
Marble Hill, Missouri, United States of America
Date
Mar 03, 1904
Page
2
The Marble Hill Press column runs a garbled set of aphorisms and quips touching pop culture, politics, and jokes. It lampoons figures from Herod to Pope Pius X and mirrors a satirical, chaotic fashion with scattered references and skewed wordplay.
Three sisters were operated on in Chorgia the other day for appendicitis. The society reporters fail to say what the favors were or what kind of refreshments were served.
Count Zephelin of Germany seeks funds to construct an airship and is likened to Prof Langley as a financier in this effort.
At a teachers convention the question of how to engage youth in Sunday School was discussed. One idea proposed was using a Christmas tree each week to attract interest.
A Kansas paper describes a collision between a freight train and a heavily loaded passenger car. It notes the dangers of passengers on tracks and advises against walking on railroad lines after loading or incident.
A remark notes old belief that amassing a first thousand guaranteed wealth, while modern experience shows even a million may not secure riches. The quote reflects shifting attitudes on wealth and luck.
General Jiminez is reported to have won a significant victory in Santo Domingo. He has lured away the army’s only private, leaving the government with only officers remaining on its hands.
The quote suggests that melo dramas strengthen morals but warns that a wrathful urge to hurl objects at the stage may be immoral. The remark implies moral nuance around audience reactions and artistic influence.
A from the scene remark notes the Pilgrims on both sides of the ocean raising healths in cocktails, yet observes they lack skill in mixing drinks in London, a humorous clash of manners and tradition across distance.
A historical remark notes a scientist’s theory that money carries microbes and suggests the public reaction of burning or avoiding cash. The speaker reflects that if the idea prompted people to attack him, he would have learned to anticipate such hostility.
A newspaper correspondent notes that the motto E Pluribus Unum contains thirteen letters and warns that meddling with the phrase has long been considered unlucky, a reflection on superstitions surrounding national emblems.
The Brooklyn public school principals advocate restoring corporal punishment, proposing the use of a short piece of rubber hose for discipline. The remark evokes a bygone era of harsh school discipline.
The piece notes Panama promising to bank nearly all of a $10,000,000 canal fund and touch only the interest, a sentiment echoed by many expectant beneficiaries as they consider future gains.
A reader asks what a billion is and the Tribune does not answer directly. The line suggests that a billion is an inconceivably large sum beyond ordinary reach.
Representative Sibley has introduced in congress a bill to prohibit issuing and cashing money orders on Sunday. A wall from Newfound land warns that the codfish crop is ruined. Delaware and its peaches are still to be heard from.
President Harper argues every professor needs a wife to prevent the belief that they know it all, reflecting a humorous or satirical take on academic leadership.
Two months remain until the St. Louis World’s Fair opens with vast palaces finished and painted. Exposition grounds cover hundreds of acres with outdoor displays and 51 nations represented, promising unmatched displays of industry, art, and technology.
The aquarium sea cow, eight feet long and 800 pounds, has needed constant food supplies this winter. Since arriving Sept 3 from Florida it has eaten ninety eight bushels of aquatic plants, averaging about five and a half bushels weekly. Baymen report the harshest winter in 25 years, with ice up to ten inches thick requiring divers to cut holes for eel grass and fennel weed to feed the animal.
Swiss industrial schools exist for clock and watch making in Geneva Locle Chaux-de-Fonds with art and industrial working schools for women in Zurich and other cities. Hand trade institutes are found in most towns teaching drawing arithmetic geography bookkeeping German French and trade practice.
A horse hitched to a delivery wagon in Bells Falls drew attention as it gobbled three sheets of heavy wrapping paper without showing any change of expression. The odd dietary display surprised onlookers in the town square.
The old Fairfield Connecticut mansion in Sherman is noted for its extensive storage with no fewer than sixty closets, described as closets within closets, ample space for a housekeeper.
The foreign population in Korea totals about 36 000 with roughly 30 000 Japanese, 5 000 Chinese, 300 Americans, 100 British, 100 French, 190 Russians, 50 Germans and about 50 others from various nations.
Authorities in charge of Japan's telephone service decide to use only female workers for both day and night shifts at the exchanges. This policy targets staffing at all main offices and aims to improve service efficiency and customer interaction across regions.
Prof Seggel of Munich reports two brain growth spurts in girls at ages 10 to 11 and 17 to 18 and two in boys at 12 to 13 and 19 to 20. The peak height growth 12 to 14 shows brain growth below one hundredth of body growth, while at 17 to 19 it is one thirtieth as fast and by age 20 brain growth reaches one seventh of body growth.
No fewer than forty two couples were married simultaneously at Plou gastel in Lower Brittany. Work in the village and surrounding hamlet was suspended for the day because almost every resident was related to one of the couples. The town is noted for marrying within the commune.
The average American makes twenty nine railroad trips per year. Some trips are very short, yet Americans ride trains ten times more often than their English counterparts.
The shark has reappeared in European waters, notably in the Baltic Sea where they had been unknown since 1759, now observed in considerable numbers.
The Japanese Department of Finance reports 4,257 miles of railway in Japan, with 1,427 locomotives, 21,000 freight cars and 4,864 passenger coaches in operation.
Dr Martin Philadelphia health officer warns pneumonia is contagious and crowded street cars are chief contagion sources. Public health measures urged to reduce spread and protect residents.
Thirty-five miles of roadway have been constructed within the World’s Fair grounds, marking a significant expansion of access for visitors and exhibitors alike. The completion underscores ongoing infrastructure work shaping exhibition layouts and transportation during the event.
A French visitor in New York learned American traffic signals the hard way after speeding past Central Park. Policing placed a horse in the automobile’s path to halt him, and in court the driver mistook the officers signals for praise. He was fined five dollars for the lesson.
Returns of indirect taxes in France for 1903 show receipts totaling 505,380,380 dollars, up 26,557,580 from estimates and 30,175,860 above 1902 totals, indicating a sizable revenue increase.
A starfish that cannot see hear or smell hunts with a hidden method. It lies on its prey and wraps its arms around it. It ever pushes its stomach out through its mouth to envelop and digest its prey, even a large oyster, within its stomach. The starfish mouth sits at the center of its rays.
In Brewer, Maine, the toll habit frustrates locals as drivers regularly attempt to pay a Bangor police officer stationed near the tollhouse, highlighting ongoing friction over toll collection in the area.
The article notes a steady rise in banks per capita over the past decade. Ten years ago one bank served 7.10 inhabitants, five years ago one for 4.597, and now the ratio is one bank per 4.410 people, indicating rapid expansion of banking outlets nationwide.
The United States has maintained a population about twelve times that of Canada for forty years, while the number of divorces in the United States has been roughly 10 000 times that in Canada.
It is anticipated that several Southern states will soon pass savings bank laws similar to those of New York and the New England states.
Gainesville Texas February 22 Mrs L E Burton of 107 Glad Street writes she suffered kidney troubles and found Ikind's Kidney Pills ineffective after doctors. She finally used Cod's Kidney Pills and was cured, noting she showed the druggist the pills and asked them to stock them.
A visitor recalls Victor Hugo walking in a garden pondering what he would say to the Creator when they met. The poet muses aloud about greeting the Creator as if addressing a fellow writer, and the friend imagines the line would be My dear confrere.
St Mary's Hall at Oxford known as Skimmery has been absorbed by Oriel after a 600 year existence. The transfer was planned years earlier and depended on the life of the hall's principal who died after a 45 year tenure leaving four students remaining.
A West Virginia man nearly wasted away, misdiagnosed as consumption, improves after his minister provides Grape Nuts. He gains over 40 pounds in two months, claims he was raised from the dead, and credits the food with saving his life. Endorsed by Postum Co. and tied to The Road to Wellville promotion.
A misc old newspaper clipping notes Ida Bing Ding, the sole Chinese washerwoman in New York, famed for gaudy attire and gossip of marrying a free American. It shifts to farm seed ads for Salzer alfalfa varieties, endorsements by A Walford and H F Hunter, plus a Columbus man’s double life and a Michigan professor’s career move.
Tickets go on sale daily in March and April for daily Pullman Tourist Sleeping Cars between St Louis Los Angeles and San Francisco. Details available from any company agent. H.C Town send G. P. & T. Agent St Louis.
Emigration from England to the United States continues to rise, with nearly 20,000 Britons leaving monthly. Dealers note Defiance Starch sales rise as customers switch to the product for use with cold water or boiling.
The piece notes England using 40 pounds of salt per person annually while France uses 30 and Russia 18, Austria 16, Prussia 1¢, Spain 12, and Switzerland 8. It taps a college professor praising slang as beneficial for children and questions the value of such educators for the country.
The survey lists Brooklyn housing and facilities with numbers for apartments stores stables factories hotels schools churches theaters lodging houses clubs stations engine houses and hospitals. An ad promotes Lewis single binder cigars from Peoria Illinois and notes a ring once owned by seven murderers and a girdle made from hair of female criminals.
A powerful whirlwind during a storm at Trowers Hill Sussex carried an entire hay row aloft, tossing it to a great height and dropping it near Leigh Hill Surrey several miles away, causing astonishment and property disruption.
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