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Newspaper
Marble Hill Press
Location
Marble Hill, Missouri, United States of America
Date
Dec 10, 1896
Page
2
A column of satirical observations and anecdotes from Marble Hill Missouri cites Uncle Sam diplomacy and European capitals, comments on aging amusements, a judge of character in Gustav Erickson, and a quip about a jailed Kwak in Korea. It blends politics, humor, and small-town portraits with tongue in cheek flair.
In Salt Lake City a man and his wife ran for the state senate. The wife defeated her husband by a large margin and was elected by an immense plurality. He may feel anger, but with six wives the winner holds a one sixth interest in him, softening the sting.
A Bayonne New Jersey milkman attempted to drown himself on Tuesday but the water proved shallow. He tied a large iron anchor to himself and remained in about two feet of water for hours before being rescued. He now says he regrets the act.
The Spanish cruiser Princesa de Asturias, seven years in build, stuck in the mud during launch at Cadiz. After thirty days of failed attempts, engineers abandoned the effort and waited for luck, only for the ship to slip into the water unaided one afternoon.
Russell Sage sues the Erie railroad for causing the death of a horse by its employee’s shooting after it fell through a trestle and broke its leg. A veterinary report says life could have been saved with leg splints, revealing Sage’s unexpected sympathy.
An extended reminiscence recounts a sweltering summer with incessant rain. It weaves a jokey Noah tale where a wily serpent piloting the ark seeks a bride, is betrayed, and causes a swarm of pests as punishment. Interwoven are insect battles, aging family memories, and a political speech ending in a comic misfire.
In Maine about forty miles north of Greenville Jim Berry and a friend encountered a lynx while watching a caribou carcass bear prey. A sudden stalker, the lynx fought back as Berry clubbed it after a leg rake, ending with injuries amid the rugged encounter.
A bizarre scene in a Wilkes Barre saloon unfolds as Stanley Maklinsky buys a fine pipe for four dollars. William Krokinosky offers to trade for it, even proposing to sell his wife to the pipe owner. The plan collapses when the wife refuses and a second buyer, George Kopchinsky, steps in, paying ten dollars yet failing to secure the marriage. The episode ends with the wife disputing the sale and the would-be buyer facing a contested arrangement.
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