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Newspaper
La Crosse Tribune
Location
La Crosse, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
Mar 06, 1913
Page
3
Reading President Wilson's inaugural address reveals a broader aim beyond pity as the nation seeks to safeguard health and rights. The text argues justice underpins government and insists society protect men women and children from the effects of industrial and social forces.
The speaker links law to social welfare through sanitary, pure food, and labor standards as essential to justice. He notes limited hope for sweatshop control but highlights the president's appeal to patriotism and humanity. The president asks honest, patriotic citizens to join his effort and promises not to fail if supported.
An expert close to Central and South America places American capital in Mexico at about 1 billion dollars, far above British or French holdings. Railroads, oil, sugar and utilities dominate, with major players including Guggenheims, Phelps Dodge, Southern Pacific, Intercontinental Rubber, and Brown Brothers.
The column plays with the idea that Amundsen claimed Milwaukee has a worse climate than the south pole, joking that it was not climate but other factors that made Milwaukee famous. It uses humorous quips about progressives, congress, revolutions, microbes, and a famed explorer.
The season brings unsettled feelings as the speaker laments indecision over selecting a spring tonic and an Easter bonnet, highlighting personal dissatisfaction with available options.
A playful note suggests creating a Woodrow woodchuck as an alternative to Teddy bear or Billy possum for Wilson, proposing a new character name idea without details on production or availability.
The Fireside Sermon by Lucius C Clark D D delivered on Thursday March 6 1913 notes Elizabeth Barrett Browning born March 6 1809 and cites Isaiah 57 15. The text reflects on eternity as a stern colossal image before God with a watchful presence and divine reverence.
A poem satirizes Arcadia as a land of supposed bliss where food, entertainment, and wealth are scarce. The speaker scoffs at rustic wages and sheep herding while contrasting urban pleasures like pictures, bowling, circuses, and laughter with Arcadian simplicity. The town’s appeal feels limited despite the fantasy of happiness.
A humorous Tit Bits vignette contrasts a banknote hoarder who burns cash for heat with a fabulously rich financier who relies on luxury. The millionaire boasts items like a gold topped hat and a mirror worth a hundred thousand pounds, then quips to his wife about limiting the diamond playthings for the children.
Reggie on a visit complains of a rude remark by a stranger who allegedly suggested that upon his death his head should be given to a collar button factory. The American friend questions the remark’s intent and impact.
Mayor Fitzgerald of Boston blames gasoline price hikes on greed and proposes supplying motorists with motor oil at wholesale rates. The remark references a bar scene with Sanders MacHoot of Peebles as a rivalry joke about paying for drinks.
President Hibben recounts a tale of a Princeton professor who proposed to the daughter of a prominent Princeton figure. The scholar, shy, asks Agnes to speak to her father. Agnes finds the father in the library and returns with a note pinned to her dress saying the match is approved by the author.
A regular amateur jester breached office security yesterday to test the staff with his prepared gags. He forced a card and joked about adulteration by watering wine and sand in sugar, labeling it a grocer swindle.
A train stopped at a Midlands station and a hungry traveler shouted for a boy who looked like a refreshment department worker. He asked, “Hi, boy, here’s two-.” The incomplete line hints at a comic or curious incident on a routine journey.
Mrs Margarette Murphy of Chicago praises Father John’s Medicine in a letter noting her two year old son’s illnesses including pneumonia and whooping cough and a diphtheria recovery. She claims it helped him and says her family now uses the medicine. The ad states it is alcohol free and safe for all ages and urges readers to buy a large bottle by express prepaid.
A traveler asks for buns on a speeding train. A boy offers two buns for pennies, keeps one penny, returns with a bun and a single penny saying only one bun remained. The lighthearted meeting ends with a shy apology as the boy munches.
The pretty storekeeper was unpacking and assorting new goods when her best young man entered. She paused behind the counter and rose with a flushed face. He remarked on stocking up, and afterward the pair felt an unaccountable coldness between them.
Washington March 6 Five members of the Democratic National Committee elected Homer S Cummings of Stamford Connecticut vice chairman and Rollo S Wells of St Louis treasurer Wells had served as treasurer during the campaign and Cummings succeeds William G McAdoo as secretary of the treasurer Plans were made to establish a permanent organization to secure the party's success four years hence
Legendary corn remedy Get-IT claims to remove corns in two seconds without pain or damage to healthy flesh. It also treats warts callouses and bunions and is sold in stores and by mail order for 25 cents. Local La Crosse outlets listed.
In the Mount Hope room of Mr. Gilmore a gambler and a wretched helper Joe Montgomery converge. Gilmore, a man of refined taste, awaits the coroner at the courthouse while Montgomery enters seeking aid and admiration for the lavish parlor and its treasures.
A man named Montgomery praises female pictures as costly and raw while discussing art with Gilmore. Montgomery admits plans to quit his job after days of worry, seeking Gilmore as a solution. The scene ends with Gilmore shifting topic, promising continuation next.
Lipton confirms sending a challenge for the 1914 America's Cup to the New York Yacht Club via the Royal Ulster Yacht Club. The Oceanic, due in New York within a day or two, carries the challenge and Lipton expresses regret that news of it leaked prematurely.
Honor able Levi P. Morton former vice president and former governor of New York is seriously ill at his Fifth Avenue residence. Age and frailty limit doctors’ hopes for recovery. He is a renowned financier and veteran Republican figure of the old school.
Mrs B outlines hair care and a cleansing routine using canthrax to remove grease and dirt, prevent dandruff, and leave hair fluffy and manageable. A tonic containing kardene and sugar dissolved in alcohol and hot water is suggested to improve overall health, taken before meals to remove poisonous accumulations and bring a glow to the cheeks.
It asserts an easy method to reduce weight using parnotis treatment prepared at home with four ounces of parnotis dissolved in hot water. A tablespoon before each meal supposedly dissolves fat without harming skin and promises symmetry of the body with no ill effects.
Ada advises strengthening weak eyes with two or three daily drops of a tonic made by dissolving an ounce of crystal in a pint of water. The soothing remedy promises to give eyes a strong, clear, and brilliant appearance with regular use.
Marion advises a homemade blood purifier to cleanse impurities appearing as pimples and a muddy complexion, promising a simple cure prepared at home.
An old health quack claim suggests dissolving an ounce of quinzain in half a pint of alcohol and half a pint water to make a scalp tonic. The remedy allegedly stops itching reactivates hair follicles and, with regular use, cures dandruff and promotes abundant bright fluffy hair growth.
Teachings advise discarding powders and rouge and using spurmax lotion mixed with hot water and glycerine. Four ounces spurmax dissolved in a half pint hot water, two teaspoonfuls glycerine, applied to face neck and arms to clear and tone skin, reduce coarseness and wrinkles, and protect from tan freckles and bad weather.
A brief ad advises that using a paste of delatone and water removes facial hair without using an electric needle. It claims skin becomes smooth and hairless after a two to three minute application on the face neck or arms.
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