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Newspaper
Keota News
Location
Keota, Colorado, United States of America
Date
Jun 23, 1911
Page
3
A Toledo Blade quip questions remedies for headaches with a remark that liquor the night before cures headache. The line reflects a humorous take on hangover lore.
A witty exchange in the Chicago Tribune features a lawyer with slight hearing loss asking if the husband recently left a widow. The matronly caller replies that he left her for a widow, delivering a sharp turn of phrase.
Hewitt declares he does not care who builds the airships of the country as long as he can manage the funerals of the aviators. The exchange appears in the New York Press with Gruet’s creed reportedly discussed.
Two men speed along a Connecticut highway in a high powered car. A guest asks what cemetery they are passing through. The driver clarifies the white stones are mile-posts, not graves, in a San Francisco Chronicle item.
A humorous exchange between a wife and Solomon as she asks if he is really devoted. The Wisest Guy replies that she is one in a thousand, delivering a witty line about love and rarity.
A street urchin asks for a quarter pound of tea in a grocer shop. The grocer asks black or green and the boy replies it does not matter, as it is for a blind woman. Tit-Bits reports the anecdote.
The Colorado and Southern Railway offers reduced round trip homeseekers excursion tickets to numerous New Mexico and Texas points on the first and third Tuesdays of each month in 1911. Final limit is 25 days with liberal stopovers. For rates and details contact a Colorado and Southern agent or T. E. Fisher, General Passenger Agent, Denver.
Rocky Ford plans Chau tauqua and Swink moving picture project. Salida to open postal savings bank June 26 and Delta to have bank after July 3. Glenwood Springs strawberry festival a success. Elks of Carion City to house own club. Mike Logan of Salida to end his life after three attempts. Pueblo officer Grady badly cut in fight with drunken Mexican. Windsor creamery and cheese factory prospects. Colorado Springs rail improvements cost 15000 dollars. State Teachers College opened in Greeley with 600 students. Trust companies to reorganize under new banking law. Cheyenne Indians beat Trinidad 3 to 1 in Cheyenne. Two children drown in irrigation canal near Golden. L. M. Anderson gets 3 to 5 years for check forgeries. Colorado National Life consolidates with Columbian National Life. Longmont strawberry crop fair with 150 to 200 acres shipping daily. Experimental dry farming farm proposed at Sligo. Frank Volpe convicted of murder at Moffat, 10 to 20 years. Pueblo Western county voters to decide Pueblo Irrigation District. Wray game: married men beat single men 12 to 1. Grand Junction to host five mile motorcycle race for 250 purse. Akron oil wells at 1065 feet. more cable awaited. Duck hatchery project near Greeley under study. Beets: 8000 planted for Greeley factory, 1000 lost. Fort Lewis term arrangements under way. dairy department to start with 20 purebred cows. Dummy Rosson joins Des Moines team. Niwot farmers raise 5800 for cooperative creamery.
Wise broker jokes aside as Jiggs explains a scheme where a marriage broker was to claim ten percent of a girl's estate for arranging a match with a French marquis but ends up taking everything by marrying the girl himself. Wiggs laughs at the ruse and notes the irony.
An old timey ad-style item extols red cross bag blue as the best laundry bluing and praises its value from a humorous angle. It also nods to other products such as Garfield Tea and a quip about Thompson's fish tale, reflecting period promotional chatter.
Women suffering illness are invited to contact Mrs Pinkham in Lynn Massachusetts. Letters are read and answered by women and kept confidential. Mrs Pinkham offers guidance from experience and asks only for the writer’s will. The Lydia E Pinkham company notes many have benefited and urges requests for a free 80 page Text Book by mail.
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