07 Aug 1845
Page 1
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This newspaper page contains 12 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Guernsey Jeffersonian
Location
Washington, Ohio, United States of America
Date
Aug 07, 1845
Page
1
A mixed page excerpt blends a sentimental poem about hidden heartache with a comic domestic tale. The poem uses a speaker who asserts a beating heart beneath others’ claims of coldness, while the prose follows Jane Baker outwitting her mathematically minded husband through practical puzzles and household signals.
A humorous sketch describes a New England district where a single, unmarried schoolmaster becomes the center of village gossip. Brides-to-be and committees weigh his merit against tradition, while the schoolhouse fills with girls eager for instruction and a bite of his culinary influence.
seated myself by him and rubbed out figures and signs as fasts he could make them, and we came to an agreement that he should do my bidding always, and I would leave him in quiet when possi ble. "Why," said I in astonishment, "I thought he loved you." Love me!- he loves nothing but his problems, and we came to the comprom ise from no other desire of his' but to save his darling signs and demonstra tions. "And," she continued, energet ic ally, "If you marry, marry anything but a quiet man in love with abstrac tions, fractions, equations, roots, factors, binominals and trinominals."
Willis recounts a Regent Street stroll to a London opera where Taglioni in Sylphide and singer Ros sicci Caccia impressed yet faced critique. He notes prices, dress rules, a royal box sighting, child dancers, and Queen Victoria amid the performance with a closing personal farewell.
Old Colonel Brown recalls his son John Simpson, a poor inventor living near Branson's, who pursued perpetual motion. John converted a garret into a workshop filled with wheels, springs and weights and sought his father’s view on a machine he believed near final success.
The dialogue describes John proposing a machine with added wheels and adjusted weights. The Colonel urges practical test and outlines an odd compass-based method to verify operation by lifting the inventor into the air. The exchange ends with cautious optimism about success.
A satirical piece from Yankee Blade extols discreet kissing and sneers at public displays. It argues private, tasteful affection over public flirtation and offers vivid, risqué imagery to advocate intimate, private moments rather than crowded social scenes.
A humorous unsolicited notice lists absurd enlistment for a churchyard corps to stare at entering women, claiming men of all sizes will be inspected for brains, with mock refusals for those beyond donkey intellect. It mocks courting rituals and social pretenses with multiple comic vignettes.
A Canadian mother and her children flee a pack of wolves pursuing them behind a horse sledge. The horse maintains a miracle burst of speed, reaching a village as the sledge survives a near breakage and the wolves fall behind at the farm gate.
A playful, tangled rumor travels through whispered gossip from Mrs Funday to Mrs Armory. The tale traces through multiple connections to a captain of a clam boat from the Fejee Islands and ends with a far fetched image of mermaids wearing shark-skin bustles stuffed with pickled eel toes.
A compact exchange paper wisdom urges not to grumble at mischance and to put the best foot forward. Avoid sharing private misfortune with acquaintances, keep a vigorous, cheerful spirit, and treat poverty like a panther by meeting it squarely and moving on.
A religious reflection notes that God favors thankful songs from widows and orphans who feel relief and comfort, praising music that expresses gratitude and joy. The author is Jeremy Teyler.
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