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Newspaper
Garland Globe
Location
Garland, Utah, United States of America
Date
Apr 21, 1906
Page
5
A collage of quips and gags from 19th century humor columns. It lampoons city life with lines about avoiding urban pitfalls, doctors and nature, odd nickels and eccentricities, and a staged interview about a talented child.
A girl asks for a postage stamp at a drugstore. The clerk offers a two cent stamp and admits no one cent stamps. Frustrated, she pays a cent, leaves with a resentful glare, unhappy with the purchase.
The speaker states a plan to leave three houses to his three daughters Susie at the cross-roads Magele at the hill and Rosie by the river free from all encumbrances. He adds he must see which daughter the other person loves before finalizing the choice.
Poetic dialogue depicts March teasing April about wind and weather. March boasts of calm and force, while the season counters with its own swift, shifting breezes amid an Instant of quiet. The playful exchange frames March as stronger than expected.
A terse exchange explores romance amid illness with lines about love and longing. The dialogue questions lingering affections and features a doorway farewell as two lovers share a final moment.
A humorous encounter recounts meeting two remarkably happy men one newly married and the other just divorced. The tale highlights the ironic contrast in their circumstances and reflects the upbeat mood of the moment.
Onlookers describe the crowd as a chorus of taunts and jabs as Miss Butte departs, each woman delivering a distinct verbal volley. The scene is likened to a rap on the body, a harsh, rhythmic critique of her exit.
A dialogue snippet questions whether women refuse to learn from experience. It satirically attributes this to a supposed constitutional aversion to aging and wrinkles. The exchange reflects dated gender views and social norms of the era.
A man laments his first business failure after a woman's refusal. Miss Gold rox remarks on the difference between love and business and notes his acknowledged financial acumen. He admits he viewed the venture as a financial stroke rather than a venture of affection.
A street exchange features a poultry man boasting of many eggs while another jokes the birds are ill with tonsilitis and cannot cackle. The banter plays on sounds and rural imagery.
A fiery orator proclaims the nation decadent mirroring Rome’s fall. He compares current rot to the past and then notes an egg striking him as symbolic corroborative evidence while declaring his final remarks before retirement.
A Detroit Free Press item notes an agent recalling a misused finiment left yesterday. The product, mistaken for furniture polish, damaged piano legs in a single application.
Witty remark contrasts a college nephew’s noted cleverness with reality after entering the world. A speaker recalls hopes that vast knowledge would benefit him, but finds adult opinions proved worthless.
Greene and Redd discuss what causes more trouble for a man wives or automobiles. Greene says wives bring more trouble, insisting he has had two wives but only one automobile. The exchange reveals a humorous take on domestic vs motorized burdens.
A dialogue shows lodge members admitting frequent disagreements but insisting they remain true brothers. They acknowledge quarrels occur yet emphasize brotherly ties and solidarity despite conflicts.
A humorous snippet notes a young man who saves money and hopes for wealth. He marries a woman whose birthday is December 25 and insists on marrying on that exact date, creating a year end coincidence for their anniversaries.
A loud knock drew a long colloquy with the caller and the answering servant. The mistress learned a gentleman sought the wrong house.
Nell recalls a moment when someone kissed her hand, expressing disbelief that he would stoop to such an action and noting her disagreement with the gesture.
Traveler notes many guests collecting Oliver spoons while hotel clerk explains it is the same old keptomanta.
Dialogue snippet shows Eva and Jack engaging in a slow exchange of apologies while Edna mediates. Eva notes Jack’s slowness and limited responses, while Edna expresses willingness to continue the discussion. The fragment hints at a social interaction about forgiveness and affection.
In a playful aside, readers speculate on the source of inspiration for the book titled A Step Backward. Theories include observations of a woman stepping from a streetcar and a gunner’s cue influencing the tale.
A Milwaukee Sentinel excerpt notes a savant reopens the kissing topic claiming it unhealthy while another voice dismisses the charge as baseless. The debate highlights public health anxieties around intimate contact.
The body of Paul Nocquet, sculptor and aeronaut, was found in a marsh near Catt's Island after a perilous ascent from New York. He disappeared en route across Long Island Sound following an evening launch from One Hundred Thirty-eighth Street.
Paul Nocquet died during an ascent near New York. His balloon wrecked and stranded on Long Island beach. He fought through swamp and creeks toward Amityville lights before succumbing, Captain Henry Purdy hearing his desperate cry as dawn rose.
A fragmentary report recalls Nocquet’s doomed attempt to cross from James Beach to the shore near Jones Bay. He faced fourteen small islands and treacherous channels carrying coat overcoat and life preserver. The journey, taken in daylight, is described as spectacularly perilous and a testament to human endurance.
A overheard summer chat between a couple reveals a blunt firehouse dilemma. The man claims he would save his wife but explains he would not choose her over his mother because he could not have another mother. The exchange, heard on the Latrador mall beat, reflects family loyalties and humor.
Miss Hall rode northwest to Lake Nyassa and waited six weeks for a boat across Lake Tanganyika. She then went to Lake Victoria Nyanga, meeting white men only twice. Two German soldiers and several servants accompanied her. In Uganda she found the king and his men playing football, a sight she found cheerfully significant.
The French quinquennia census fell on a Sunday during Edward VII’s Paris visit. Embassies and legations remain extraterritorial and fall outside normal jurisdiction. Census compliance was treated as courtesy. the king’s private visit delayed routine registration while race or prior status were not deemed necessary to document.
Observers in Washington note many public figures keep late hours and little exercise. Diplomats are the main exception with Chekib Bey, the Turkish minister, who rarely rises before 4 pm and dines long after others have eaten.
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