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Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Jun 06, 1903
Page
5
A collection of light comments and observations on society politics and technology from a late era newspaper page. It jokes about Edison Siren promises and public officials while noting crime gambling and railway innovations. It includes remarks on youth crime and a naval engine fuel study with speed fuel figures.
A historical sketch traces John Green Brady, once a New York street urchin selling papers and shining shoes, selected by Judge Green in Indiana as a tough youth, his name later refined by Mrs. Green guiding him toward opportunity and ambition, becoming governor of Alaska.
The piece traces public virtue and self improvement from youth through Yale and Sitka to governorship, then argues reading as serious work and duty to society. It surveys the shift from patronage to merit in civil service, noting growing classified appointments and reform across states, praising efficient administration and equal opportunity.
The 26 mile Lake Erie trough shows the wind push west to southwest winds creating a rocking sea. Rhythmic gusts and strong west or southwest blows move the lake eastward with rises at Buffalo of eight feet or more in hours. After maximum gale, water swings back and days with fluctuating wind show continued rockings.
The list outlines traditional anniversaries from cotton at year one to diamond at year sixty. Highlights include paper for year two, leather year three, tin year ten, silk and fine linen at year eleven, china at year twenty-one, pearl at year thirty, ruby at year forty, gold at year fifty, and diamond at year sixty.
A German physician with years in Togoland notes in the Revue Ep cyclopedique that African babies are born with European skin color. By two to three months their skin lightens to white, ten days later to a light chestnut shade, and after three to four months the skin becomes completely black.
Editorial notes stress full concentration and decisive action as keys to superior work. It urges settling tasks, avoiding half measures, and embracing vigor to overcome deficiencies in education and execution. Historical medical insights link climate to crime and self-harm, with rain dampening violence.
A New York Independent editorial notes a provocative theory that leprosy may be linked to eating badly cured fish, observed in regions with high leprosy prevalence. While not settled, the idea gains support from India field reports and prompts cautious further study to combat major diseases like typhus fever, yellow fever, malaria, and consumption.
The piece argues climate and surroundings mold traits from rugged northern births to sunny southern upbringings. It cites the London Standard asserting sunlands sap energy and ambition while temperate climates sustain health and vigor, with studies suggesting cold, calm weather improves student performance.
Savannah News notes that ambitious country youths rise from farms to city life and succeed, while acknowledging some fail in urban settings. It praises improved rural conditions and signals ongoing outflow from country to city, urging continued entry of capable country boys into urban work.
A Brooklyn Eagle excerpt cites a London weekly quote by William K. Vanderbilt arguing that inherited wealth hinders ambition and happiness. It claims wealth should spur broader social good, invest to reduce misery, and that true happiness comes from contributing to others rather than self-enrichment.
In a rural tale told by a deacon and Uncle Ned a New York Truly man recalls Pete Jackson, jailed for stealing chickens. Pete claimed alibi with a graveyard scene, while a farmer pursued another man. the judge gave Pete two months, and the wife had chickens for two days.
A correspondent recounts Rex a pureblooded Skye terrier in New York State. The dog shows human-like reasoning, claims his own spot by the fire, sofa corner, and bed. In late evenings he paces the parlor, yawns, whines, and glances at his master, finally unhappy as visitors linger past eight.
Rex, the dog, interrupts a retirement hour with comic tricks. He carries a rubber to the parlor and presents the master’s nightgown on the floor, drawing laughter from guests and prompting the Master to bid good night amid the unsettled visitors.
An ostentatious curler boasted of cutting sandwiches and arranging four farmers to send down four pots of Irish stew, which arrived during the match. To keep it warm, top coats covered the dish, but a hole melted through the coats and pot, dripping to the loch bottom as play ceased.
A boy aged between 10 and 12 warns his family that he will run away from home if a dispute about floor space or wet conditions continues. The fragment suggests a domestic stress scene centered on a youth’s threat to depart.
A compact humor piece titled Extra Careful with His Auto mocks a postal clerk and Miss Pert over stamps and weight. It also parodies Johnson's cautious driving with a pun on the risk of jolting machinery. The snippets reflect light satire and playful banter.
A humorous exchange contrasts cycling habits with weight loss and introduces Monsieur X as a prolific writer. The dialogue riffs on a journalist versus a legislative stenographer, ending with a playful distinction.
Quote laden dialogue from a historical page shows a playful misinterpretation as a man-killer is referenced. Acknowledgment of a small figure on the corner being a chauffeur leads to humorous confusion about threats and identities in a local scene.
A quarrel erupts between Chick-O and Chick-Huh over ancestral status and battlefield pride as they trade barbs about mothers and grandfathers, mixing boastful lines with humor and crude retorts.
A wordplay riddle riffs on letters and sounds to spell phrases. The verse hints at spelling Su and Fray and cide to yield Sioux eyesighed, a pun on suicide, with a darker ending. The poem tests phonetic trickery and reader wit.
In an excerpt of dialogue characters discuss election time aiding a father’s business. A caller notes a grandpa’s age and the reminiscence of parents disciplining children in the wood shed, with Rudolph estimating eighty years.
A lighthearted exchange between husband and wife turns on a joke about treasure. The husband wishes for a buried hoard while the wife retorts that she is the treasure, prompting the punchline that he is pot bur iel, a playful mishearing that adds humor.
Quote shows Mrs Hayskeep and painter arguing over a job cost. The customer recalls estimating thirteen dollars, but the bill came fourteen. The exchange hints at superstition about overcharging. Report reflects a brief, domestic anecdote from a Philadelphia Press page.
A garbled OCR excerpt shows a slangy college boy, an old man with a telegram reference, and a distorted exchange about a request for ten bucks. The text includes errant phrases about Indian reservations and a dilapidated shanty, with unclear actions and speakers.
A busy Bais burgh street tale follows an old lady attempting to enter a passing cab with help from the driver. She gains entry despite effort, and the driver remarks on her age before the fare increases upon arrival. The passage includes a child’s remark about damp ground and a young man boasting about courting an heiress.
A street dialogue from Cleveland Plain Dealer shows a cheerful man telling another he looks happy due to having no wealth to burden him, and asks for a dollar. The response explains the happiness stems from lack of wealth.
A terse exchange reveals tension after a driver confesses difficulty controlling a car. Mrs Gunner probes why the cook was not tried to manage the unruly vehicle, highlighting domestic friction and responsibility in a wheeled mishap.
The Yonkers Statesman quips that excessive focus on acoustics of opera houses diverts attention from other concerns. The Observer of Events and Things notes the remark highlighting ironic balance in cultural venues.
A patient faces a physician’s order to halt mental work for a year. The doctor proposes the alternative of continuing magazine story writing, prompting the patient to weigh income loss against creative work. The exchange highlights tension between rest and vocation in a medical context.
A Philadelphia Press quick quip questions the term domestics for servant girls. The cartoonish exchange notes that many work away from home at night, hinting at social attitudes toward labor and gender.
A circus owner and an advertising agent discuss a program line about a wonderful hippopotamus. If the hippo fails to arrive, they suggest using the pun b po to imply hippodrome, keeping the stunt flexible and witty.
A curious exchange in a private office has a man seeking a medical sanity examination after claiming a cache of letters he wrote to his wife during a voyage. The doctor probes the reasoning behind the alleged need for confinement as the man reveals fragmented snippets about schooling and identity.
A reflective piece extols language as the subtler instrument than music, linking national expression to cultural progress. It discusses Greek and Roman linguistic legacy, the role of speech in intellect, and ends with a definition of a crank as a man with a small conscience.
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