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Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Aug 09, 1902
Page
4
An ornate promotional snippet asserts Hood's Sarsaparilla cures eruptions thinning blood and muscle waste, promising radical, permanent recovery from a sickly state. It touts restoring strength and capacity, claiming thousands benefited.
A collage of quirky quotes and ads: Willie asks where the other Robbie is while a Heaven joke lands, a Monopole coffee pitch promises higher grades for true connoisseurs, and a Portland firm seeks grocers. Lane fragments include marital quips and Humour from Philadelphia and Atlanta papers.
A Chicago Tribune note reports the manager naming a new pitcher Dropcurve from Demopolis. The reporter probes pedigree and value, asking the sale price while the manager confirms the signing details and local fame of the player’s father.
A fragmentary page includes scammy patent medicine claims for cures and free trials, a Philadelphia address, a joke about a boy wagering a cent with his father, a Teething Syrup ad, and a classroom joke about insomnia. The clumsy clippings imitate 19th century newspaper filler.
An advertisement promotes Foot-Ease as a remedy for sweating and tired feet and as a fit for new or tight shoes. It invites readers to try it and mentions a free offer with an address in Olmsted LeRoy.
Readers weigh safety of golf after two friends were trayed on the links last season. The piece notes concern over risk and reflects on how players perceive danger in the sport.
An English physiologist argues a girl’s collar bone explains throwing limits a meteor report notes iron and nickel abundance in space and a tropical coast Mosquito belt earns the title of worst. Observations on Caucasian snow and moonless night light are offered with stars and zodiacal glow discussed. Savages’ vision and deer sex guessing stem from environment knowledge, while Mont Pelee gas theories link to lethal eruptions and oceanic chlorine. A New Orleans relic hoax amuses visitors as guards reassure crowds at the bell site.
A New Orleans man recalls an April Fools joke about the Liberty Bell staged during an 1885 exposition. The Times-Democrat headlines proclaimed a dastardly theft and the bell’s disappearance sparked chaos, with reports of a damaged display car and a dramatic search before the hoax was revealed.
The piece outlines undergraduate life at Oxford for an American student, noting college assignment driven by Rhodes scholarship wishes, the equal standing of twenty two colleges, varied external features, and students living mainly within college walls. It covers expenses from 500 to over 1500 dollars a year, with economies urged for some colleges and higher costs for others, plus daily life rituals and college tutors.
The piece recounts satirical vignettes from 19th century anecdotes including a shipboard rat drama ending with a sea gull and wind driven voyage to shore, a missionary gift of a milking stool poorly used by a farm worker, Lincoln era quips about presidency, the Rochambeau statue unveiling flag stunt, naval officers' Sabbath fidelity and a humor parable about a prisoner seeking a menu change versus a venue change.
Chief Officer Scott recounts the Roratma disaster near Martinique harbor from Sealle's Monthly. A common reed chair hung suspended beyond the flames in the stern while a passenger perished, his fate witnessed from a nearby stateroom. The next morning the chair remained intact. Also notes about artists colors using mummies and ancient Egyptian rulers in pigments per London Tattler.
A historical survey lists alphabet lengths for many languages. Sandwich Islanders 12 letters, Burmese 19, Italian 23, Bengali 21, Hebrew 29, Syriac 29, Chaldee 29, Samaritan 29, Latin 26, Greek 24, German Dutch and English 20 each, Slavonic 20, Arabic 28, Persian 32, Coptic 32, Georgian 8, Armenian 38, Russian old Muscovite 43, Sanskrit and many oriental languages 50 each.
In a quirky conversation, Edgar and Ethel discuss a fire sale treasure new stockings priced at 17 cents a pair. The joke notes the stockings are fine except their feet are burned off, implying comedic mischief rather than a serious event.
A visitor asks where the skeletons came from at a medical college while a medical student and the visitor exchange lines. The embrolled doctor M D reveals in a loud whisper that they raised them, presenting a sensational tease from the Chicago News.
The Awatrian government reportedly decided to arm several cavalry regiments with swords forged from magnaliuum a new metal claimed to blend aluminum lightness with steel strength and flexibility.
A major New York manufacturing house reports a surge in altering and restoring old fashioned cameo jewelry this season, more than in twenty years, reflecting a renewed interest in vintage designs and craftsmanship.
In a playful exchange, two college girls recount a row after the class game where spectators mobbed the umpire. One recalls calling the official "mean old thing" and "perfectly horrid" as part of the crowd’s reaction.
A Portland Cordage Co statement argues its Pure Manila binding twine offers best value. It cites July 15 price quotes, notes being one cent below Eastern prices, and stresses long length per dollar while opposing monopolistic claims. It urges farmers to choose Pure Manila for economy and reliability.
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