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Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Apr 11, 1903
Page
3
In Eugene Oregon the weekly column jests about gender irritability, pituitary bodies, the vermiform appendix, and national power disputes. It notes fashionable royalty, tax on titles, boyish rifles, new punishments, prison shoe policies, and a spoof on ambassadorial ranks and corporate hierarchies with playful, if fragmented, barbs.
The piece praises wholesome, unmercenary sport and warns against greed for gold. It notes Dr Gatling’s death, argues naval careers push youths toward merchant life, and defends manual training. It laments superficiality, stresses plain living, higher thinking, and humor as essential to character.
A critical piece argues that revered figures like Washington Lincoln and Webster are mythologized, erasing human flaws. It contends that idolizing greatness reduces the public to worshipers and calls for acknowledging common humanity behind famed personas. The essay contrasts this with the idea of high art in bank notes, detailing how secure engraving and rolling techniques deter counterfeiters, including the use of hard steel plates, rollers, and multi-site production to ensure uniformity and protection.
Urban workers and executives face difficulty finding time for outdoor air. Doctors urge regular outdoor exposure for ailments like gout, with some recommending car or cab rides with windows open to simulate fresh air. William C Whitney credited his long health to always riding with open cab windows, regardless of temperature.
An Indian house servant refuses to answer rebukes and mutters aloud his master’s faults in Behind the Nungalow. The narrator notes the hamal’s stubborn thinking while recounting meals and water filtration mishaps. A wife warns him to cool boiling water, prompting the hamal to suggest diluting it to prevent cracking the filter.
One of the most popular American women in London society is Countess Donoughmore formerly of New York. She is the daughter of Michael Grace, brother of William Grace former Mayor of New York. Her husband is very wealthy from South American speculation and they entertain lavishly, making her a premier hostess in London.
Historians spar over which race first invented skating with evidence from prehistoric traces across Northern Europe and the Eskimo in whalebone runners. Danish sources cite 1104 and 12th century bone skate practices, with British Museum artifacts supporting early European adoption likely via Holland and Lincolnshire exchanges.
The fragment shows Deacon Johnson questioning Abe about current actions. Abe claims to be cleaning out a bank. The line hints at roles like cashier or janitor but remains unclear. The source text is fragmentary and lacks a cohesive report.
Simon Lebois fakes a marriage to Louise St Julien after rescuing her from Indians. Louise falls ill but is kept alive by the couple as they reach New Orleans. Goupart suspects Simon and confronts the pair with a forged grant that surprisingly proves the union legal, deepening the old man and youth’s suspicions.
Brian St Julien and Goupart St Denis pace a garden path, old age, pallor, and fatigue etched on their faces as they discuss a disappearance. The Marquis decries failure to find the missing set, while Goupart questions the reliability of Tony's report amid bleak uncertainty.
A historical look explains how modern industry transforms refuse into useful products. Chemists extract grease for soap, convert residues into fertilizer, and repurpose horns bones and bristles into items like glue brushes and mortar additives. From coal tar and petroleum derivatives come dyes fuels and chemicals, while wine residues yield cream of tartar and paper fibers.
A traveller in England dines at a wayside inn and chats with the social landlord who reveals his name as Partridge. The visitor quips that the bill length suggests Woodcock, a joke said to have amused Bismarck and recounted in a new book by a noted English diplomat.
A Long Island case held that sending a worthless package by express to a recipient who must pay charges constitutes petty larceny. The defendant, who sent the package as a joke, faced a magistrate after the recipient complained. He was fined five dollars plus costs.
A Baltimore American quotation features Mr Medder grass discussing a plan to use coal oil against muskee ters. He remarks it may not be fatal to insects but likens it to past incidents where hired girls started breakfast fires and left town, hinting at harsh consequences for Jersey biters when politically activated.
A playful household scene centers on Wille and Wille Blimmery as a mother admonishes a boy for matching pennies. The girl confirms, then the mother warns against continuing the habit, underscoring a moral tone in a quaint domestic moment.
Fragmentary text mentions Wilte black berries and stern roses tied to a disguised event or scene. No clear people, places, dates, or actions emerge beyond plant references.
A patchwork of poems recalls nostalgic scenes of youth and memory including Ben Bolt and The Holy City. The verses touch on ruined cabins, grassy graves, and enduring friendships, weaving in religious imagery of Jerusalem and salvation.
A Rochester Chronicle correspondent recounts Jame Reynolds theory that drunkenness and poverty stem from ignorant wives not cooking nourishing meals. A drunken husband beats an Irish wife who asks Reynolds for help, then admits fault and attributes blame to bad cooking. A supper scene shows a young man debating food's link to character as he dines with Miss Dash.
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