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This newspaper page contains 19 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Eugene Weekly Guard
Location
Eugene, Oregon, United States of America
Date
Apr 04, 1903
Page
4
A garbled collection of quips and jokes from a periodical page includes remarks on rational dress, a woman in minol costume arrested by a Weimar police officer, and assorted witticisms about memory, judging others, and business. It reads like a sequence of brief scraps from columns and trivia sections.
A collection of light anecdotes features an Irishman asking for the time and a quick reply that lands a sting on the nose. Other bits recount a Washington umbrella inscription, De Wet and a gemstone bargain, Wendell Phillips at a hotel, Mrs Bowen in Venezuela, and humorous barbs about aging and politeness.
A persuasive advertisement for Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound claims unprecedented demand across the country and asserts it cures the worst forms of female complaints. Mrs Pinkham invites women to write for free, private medical advice from Lynn Massachusetts.
A mother and son banter about studying ancient Greeks after a class. A candy stall comparison sparks the boy’s plan to learn by observation. A woman questions supporting a family on ten dollars weekly as a friend cites the lure of writing magazine articles.
The speaker references George Eliot describing a fat man as two spheres with the larger sunlike body and a smaller satellite figure. The contrast implies a striking, almost astronomical comparison of size and relationship between the two parts. The remark uses a vivid metaphor to convey physical proportion.
Wise Brothers of Portland promote dental care as a key to success and personal appearance. The firm claims painless, affordable work at the Failing Building and urges visits to learn necessary treatments and costs before starting.
A brief exchange from the Boston Transcript notes Millett saying he was fired when the fashion for coloring meerschaums faded, with Hanover replying that he never sees Millett at work nowadays.
The grand organ in Sydney town hell boasts 10 000 pipes and 126 speaking stops. It is powered by a 15 horsepower gas engine and has become a notable feature in the area.
A fragmentary, childlike line references a Sunday School teacher, heaven, beauty, and crystal ice. The text recalls a morning incident where a cat is mentioned in a slip of dialogue about a father. The passage is incomplete and lacks clear news context.
Two colored women meet on the corner and converse with dialect as one asks what the other is doing and the reply notes she has just been where she has been. The exchange captures everyday street speech and social interaction.
President Roosevelt has ordered a reform in Indian bureau name practices. When possible, Indian children entering schools or listed on agents’ rolls will keep their native given names while adopting their father’s surname. The policy introduces paternal naming as a new standard, noting Indians traditionally used matronymics and clan names rather than patronymics.
A Philadelphia jeweler’s rule to pay workers in full when due arose from poverty and hardship he witnessed. A poor craftsman recalls delivering a clock, being underpaid, and later choosing to never delay workers again. The piece also debates college duration with witty comparisons by university presidents.
Once overlooked as a forest weed the balsam fir now adds value through Christmas tree demand. Contractors pay three to four cents per larger tree, with 3,000 to 4,000 trees per acre on land once deemed worthless, transforming a marginal crop into a bright prospect.
A brief dialogue contrasts Pauline reproving Naughteur with Penelope's pride in not harboring false pride. Then an advertisement asserts Piso's Cure for coughs colds and consumption, touting it as a remedy priced at 25 cents available at druggists.
Chief of Police Austen of Birmingham Alabama writes to New York authorities offering a ten dollar reward for the arrest of 17 year old Charles Verdell described as a runaway with a knock kneed stance a flat nose a bumpy face and a black dew scar on one shin.
An old advertisement offers a 100 dollar reward for a cure of catarrh by Hall's Catarrh Cure. It lists F J Cheney Co of Toledo as props and includes endorsements from Weer & Tevax and Marvin, wholesale druggists in Toledo. The ad claims the remedy is taken internally and absorbed into the blood with a 75 cent per bottle price and mentions free testimonials. Hall's Family Pills are promoted as best.
A novel scheme powers a locomotive by a rotary fan attached to its front end. Tests show an average train can illuminate five cars at night with the generated electricity, and the morning battery will hold nearly its maximum charge.
A comic exchange claims complete self cure of chronic insomnia with a remark on relief from sleepless nights. The fragment then shifts to a note recommending Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup as a teething remedy for children, reflecting vintage consumer advertising tone.
A three-year-old girl, while her mother tried to soothe her to sleep, asked about a strange sound. The mother explained it was a cricket, and the child quipped that the insect ought to get itself oiled, capturing a light moment from the Young People's Paper.
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