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Newspaper
Emmons County Record
Location
Linton, North Dakota, United States of America
Date
Mar 17, 1905
Page
2
The Linton Emmons County sheet presents a collage of quips and anecdotes. It notes misquotations and a dictionary of quotations while poking fun at books and fashion. Short items include a New York man fined for giving whisky to a horse and Carnegie slated as a Cleveland witness.
The remark imagines Herr Hoch losing presence of mind like Adam and adopting an innocent look to claim he was not to blame for all the women who married him.
A controversial French physician advocates an oyster heavy regimen urging six dozen oysters daily. The proposal, framed as a health cure, would dramatically boost demand for oysters and benefit local oyster dealers while drawing skepticism from medical critics.
If the garter purse is adopted it could spark streetcar rides to observe ladies quarrelling over who pays the fare. The notion reflects a curious social trend noted in the era.
A Maryland man nicknamed Freezer Fry stands at the center of a local quip about moving to St. Louis where residents must handle both tasks. The remark reflects regional humor about labor and routine life.
The veteran Colonel John L. Sullivan may prove Captain Adrian C. Anson wrong by getting on another one while Anson contends batting is a lost art.
The remark notes that P. T. Barnum’s autograph sold for three times Henry Clay’s, arguing Clay never ran a circus on Barnum’s scale. The comparison highlights Barnum’s enduring celebrity and public appeal.
The draft note suggests Russian students find a zemsky sobor too tame after recent rioting and widespread public unrest, implying a stronger response is desired by the populace.
A Baltimore professor proposes using chloroform on men reaching age sixty, noting no woman would ever reach that age. The remark lampoons gender differences and age expectations without detailing any program or supporting data.
Reported quarrel over Mr Alexander and fellow-directors view of Mr Hyde as too frivolous for top insurance post. The piece mentions a $100,000 ball invitation and a New York theater fire that sent chorus girls in tights to the streets, boosting their publicity for leading roles.
The Nashville American condemns a cheap witless valentine as an abomination. A Spokane wife wins a divorce after her husband wastes earnings on a flying machine instead of family needs. A London couple seeks a speedy divorce by traveling 1500 miles to New York to evade the law.
A letter-poem from Anna Be Reardon urges a brother abroad to wear the shamrock as a symbol of Ireland. It speaks of Irish pride, the triple leaf, and hopes that Freedom will dawn for the Emerald Isle while the heart remains rooted at home.
The piece argues Saint Patrick began as Luccat a slave rescued into priesthood and later editor. It praises Patrick as editor of the Brehon code shaping law to Christianity while banishing social vices as symbolic snakes. It notes his Confession as Ireland’s first autobiography and his hymn as Gaelic origins.
Medieval legend spoke of an entrance to purgatory in a cave on Lough Dearg Ireland seen as St Patrick’s purgatory. Henry of Saltrey’s 1153 poem popularized the tale inspiring pilgrims and possibly Dante. In 1497 Pope Julius II ordered the cave destroyed after a Dutch monk’s report.
A historical note on St Patrick's mission in Ireland describes not only his life but legends of miracles dogs turning to stone and enchanted fires. It recounts churches founded converts spread, idolatry and snakes defeated, and nobles and commoners embracing Christianity by 458.
The piece portrays Patrick as nearly an ideal missionary driven to save the Irish. He endures hardship as a faithful servant of the cross, blends practical work with spiritual intent, and seeks to transform lives through Jesus' beauty.
A fragment from the Atlanta Constitution quotes a poetic line about love and life, appearing as a literary or musical aside. The piece shows elevated language and symbolic phrasing without a clear news event or named individuals.
A reader notes severe Western cold and winter hardship in February while Western Canada enjoys perfect weather. The writer contrasts trains and cattle woes with fine conditions and cites a St Paul paper from February 13 with bold headlines.
During January the influx of settlers to Canada set a new record, with western lands rapidly filling. Government agents in the U S and Canada plan excursions in March and April to guide prospective settlers seeking information and opportunities.
A humorous exchange cites Brown scolding about bad cigars given to a minister. The quoted minister’s retort suggests a moral line about bringing the undesirable to light. The dialogue is described in a Chicago News style, reflecting satirical banter.
Local dialogue between Finnegan and Flanagan references an elderly woman throwing mush morning meal at him. The piece captures a humorous street exchange quoted from the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The Garfield report concludes packers faced no extortion or improper profit. It finds very narrow profit margins, with 1902 profits at two to three percent and 1904 about one to two percent. It states cattle price fluctuations were not driven by packers at major centers and endorses the integrity of Western packers under official U.S. investigation.
The article recalls two unassisted triple plays by one fielder, Paul Hines in the 1880s and Harry O Hagan in 1901 with Newark, plus a pair of triple plays by Kansas City in a single game at Toledo last season, illustrating the rarity and skill behind the play.
A lady and gentleman riding by ricksha from Salisbury to Ardbennie encountered a lioness about twenty-five yards ahead soon after crossing the railway. The beast followed for over a mile while the drivers focused on pushing the vehicle, believed kept at bay by their bright light. South Africa.
French actor M. Coquelin announces his bid for senator from Boulogne sur Mer. He vows to rehabilitate actors social standing, allow funerals in Paris churches, and reward theater with Legion of Honor style recognition. He calls acting a noble calling and pledges to fight for fellow performers.
A speaker recalls a poor scholar who treasured Virgil, resisting theft and envy. The narrator swears to keep a beloved companion safe, declaring loyalty and defiance against those who would rob him. The tone echoes a maritime setting from The Atlantic.
The Maharatti women of western India are presented as ideal wives. They are depicted as worshipping their husbands, loving their children, and taking an interest in their jewelry. The piece frames domestic peace as their defining virtue.
A correspondent reports police confiscate all typewriters in a Russian town. The machines are seen as dangerous sedition instruments and as channels for unapproved literature. Each typewriter is registered with known address and can be arrested on suspicion at any moment.
Canadian authorities announce that advertising at the recent world’s fair sparked lively interest in the United States and is likely to lead to increased immigration to the Canadian West.
A voiced exchange shows a cranky woman lamenting her husband as hard to please. Miss Sly notes how men change quickly, recalling his proposal years ago as a contrast to current behavior.
A bold theft targets an unspecified item at Milwaukee location described as desperate. The brief notes unusual wording and hints at a misread OCR of a Milwaukee Journal report. No clear names, dates, or precise goods are readable.
A tavern tale reports a traveler’s horse refused two dozen oysters on the half shell. The man ordered the oysters for the horse then sat inside while the crowd returned to see the animal not eating, with the owner asking for ale instead.
A fragment from the Chicago News notes a quarrel between a wife and husband over money. The wife demands funds while the husband admits being broke, with tense dialogue reflecting strain in the relationship.
George W Renoff of 1958 North 1th Street Philadelphia writes he suffered kidney and back pain for five years with swelling and poor appetite. After using Dean's Kidney Pills his back grew strong and appetite returned. He remains healthy four years after stopping them. Address Foster Milburn Co Buffalo NY. For sale by dealers. Price 50 cents.
A Chicago Journal quip notes that a woman’s age implies her birth date. The speaker jokes that if she stated her age, one could deduce she was born on her tenth or fifteenth birthday. The remark reflects playful wordplay on ages and anniversaries.
An advice piece promotes health for young and middle aged women focusing on sleep, rest, hydration, fresh air, sunshine, and exercise. It endorses Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription as a cure for weakness and change of life, with testimonial from Mrs. Mary EnsMinger and notes on related products and free medical book offer.
A barber spins a lurid tale about using lead pipe on a leather strop to sharpen razors. The man’s dull blade is coerced into trying the unsafe method, with the barber claiming scientific leather chemistry supports the edge. The vignette reads as cautionary, with a grim, wry tone.
A Brooklyn resident recounts five months of facial eczema and doctor visits. After using Cuticura Soap Ointment and Resolvent, the skin improved from disfigured to clear in a month, enabling the person to go out again.
Medical science has grown so far that as we view the rangers said to beset us on every side we cannot understand how anybody ever lived.
An old advertisement claims PAZO OINTMENT guarantees to cure tile issues in six days with a refund if it fails. The copy is sanitary and sensational, noting the alleged efficacy and promising money back regardless of outcome.
A Dallas News exchange recalls a lifelong regret with the reply Yes indeed to a question about actions tied to a thirty day consequence. The brief quote captures a reflective moment on past choices.
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