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Newspaper
Defiance County Express
Location
Defiance, Ohio, United States of America
Date
Jul 02, 1887
Page
8
In Kokomo on July Fourth the young Hoosier Jake Poe known as Pedro Jake rides Barnum's famed trick mule Pedro to a daring three-lap run. Barnum awards Jake a $100 gold purse and proclaims him the crowd favorite as he becomes the local hero for the day.
In Bolney's Grove the Fourth of July event turns comic as Colonel Swagerty plans to read a Declaration of Independence. Miles Brewer objects, the crowd disperses, and a pack of aggressive dogs chase the speaker up a tree. Miles later greets bloodhounds at dawn, joking he missed the reading.
A boy asks his father if dogs go to heaven and concedes a glue factory on Bone Street. The exchange turns humorous as the father struggles to respond to the boy s sober line of thought.
Rev Pitl and Deacon Longhair discuss a Fourth of July plan as the Deacon mentions taking his son Tommy to the circus. The minister jokes about wanting a Tommy to take to see the animals and cautions about wandering into the performers’ tent.
Mrs De Mot accuses Terrence the gardener after he amputated part of the house cat. He retorts that she ordered him to fetch cat tails and that the dirty prints on the parlor walls are hers. She complains about the mess for the Fourth of July company.
A granger questions his city nephew about the Fourth of July visit on the farm. The nephew admits he shot the dog he had borrowed, prompting a tense exchange about blame and celebration.
A collage of jokes and quips spans cab jokes about a rushed wedding, letters and invisible ink, a Kentucky lawyer with large feet naming boats, a minister and bride kissing, pantaloons for missionaries, malaria remedies, and satirical lines about detectives and a Homeless Club.
Attempts to extract heat and power from artesian wells move beyond water supply. In France at Grenelle a 1502 foot well yields 500000 gallons daily with 60 psi, water hot enough for nearby hospital heating. Pesth Hungary is drilling the world’s deepest well for hot water, currently 176000 gallons daily at 158 degrees, aiming for 176 degrees.
The Hartwell Sun reports a large mule died three years earlier and a skull hung in a mulberry tree to deter hawks. When a Black nine year old boy shook the tree during summer fruit, the skull fell and struck him, causing fatal injuries.
A Providence Journal note recalls a clever Danish woman who explains her Danish club evenings as solitary reading time. She says saying she is engaged at the club is always accepted, letting her stay home and read without interruption.
A modest reporter faces a bejeweled antagonist who accuses him of writing horrid things about ladies. He pledges a brief ball notice while she demands proper naming and description. The scene parodies press intrusion and ends with unrelated product endorsements from Puck and Spirit of the Times.
A Lake Worth man arrived with health certificates and claimed a negro challenged him at a stop near Enter prise. The man says he held the paper upside down to test the observer who, after glancing, pronounced it valid. The witness observed the assessor seemed too ignorant to know the orientation.
A humorous exchange about coats leads to a critique of doctors and medicines. The piece cites Dr. V Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery as a cure for fevers and coughs while noting Vinarata's strict medical laws and a coroner's contrary testimony on morphia and alcohol. It argues law cannot create intelligence or morality.
For dyspepsia indigestion low mood and general debility the Ferro-Phosphorated Elixir of Calisaya by Hazard Hazard Co New York is praised as the best tonic and preventive against fever and intermittent fevers. The ad pairs this with a moral quip about neglecting a husband’s shirt front.
A recent tale set in the Isle of Man recounts a medieval Manx court custom. Before 1545 bishops and archdeacons appeared on the bench and jurors answered whether the man of the chancel could remain seated. A yes or no verdict could lead to death if clergy were expelled.
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