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Newspaper
Cranbury Press
Location
Cranbury, New Jersey, United States of America
Date
Feb 23, 1912
Page
7
A chaotic dialogue features Mr Booze and Mrs Booze debating marriage vows and a quip about Democritus and atoms. The humor shifts to a jest about magazine controversy, then a reflection on how many girls fear choosing the wrong husband.
A portrait of Hans Honest Horus a famed Pirates shortstop with Steubenville roots and a century of sensational hits. The piece traces his career from Steubenville to Warren Paterson and Louisville, his .300 plus batting, and eccentric hobbies including auto racing and a chicken farm. It notes Carnegie honors and wealth while detailing quirky habits and undisguised bravado.
Lourgéville expects Jimmy Doyle to return to the Colonels if Eddie Lennox proves himself with the Cubs. Jack Warner seeks an umpire job in the United States league while Paul Cobb favors Lincoln after visiting Royston Georgia. Sentell may play second for Chattanooga, Holmes eyes managing, Hulswitz to Columbus and Gray signs 6'6" Herbert Lindsay for a Lowell tryout.
The year’s top owners in Britain show Lord Derby headlining the list with a close season finish and $215,000 in winnings. J. B. Joel trails with $175,000 as does Mr. Fairlie, while American owners James R. Keene and Harry Payne Whitney earn $28,000 and $25,000 respectively. Sunrise leads sires with twelve winners and $165,000. Danny Maher loses the riding title after decades of dominance. Frank tops the jockeys with 187 wins from 747 mounts.
A quirky list samples baseball etiquette and rules for players. It cites famous names like Cobb Wagner Keeler and Callahan with humorous admonitions such as not placing caps on bats and not berating umpires. It reads as a period piece of sports culture and superstition.
Western Canadian farms show flax as a major money maker alongside wheat oats barley and livestock. A Saskatchewan farmer’s circular on flax seed treatment sowing and harvest cites yields near 29 bushels per acre from 25 pounds of seed and a Rosetown case of 33 bushels per acre from summer-fallow land. A 1911 example notes 3800 bushels of wheat 1800 oats and 300 flax from 100 acres of summer fallow. Government literature highlights cattle horses roots and vegetables as notable farm products.
A young suitor asks Mr. Nervee for his daughter's hand. The father explains the mother is dead and the daughter is all he has left, while Mr. Nervee notes the suitor has given her a fine recommendation.
The National Association for the Study and Prevention of Tuberculosis reports a high church death rate from tuberculosis. In 1910 a study of 312000 communicants across 725 churches recorded 7000 deaths and a rate of 2.24 per thousand, higher than the national 1.60. Ministers are urged to address tuberculosis around Tuberculosis Day.
Professor Twiggs declares man a creature of habit during a club session. Old Codger retorts. The quip remembers Canute J. Babson who has been run over by the same automobile twice and returns home along the same lane after a similar evening routine.
Henry Russell, head of the Boston Opera, described a foreign tour searching for talent. He denounced singers in one city as mean for only seeking money. He compared them to the man who discovered the Blank theater fire, recalling a fat man who yelled for his money back at the theater box office.
Paris police inspect street littering as an absent minded old man drops a hundred franc note. A sharp eyed officer demands name and address, but the man reaches for the gutter finds his note in waste paper and is released with an apology.
An advertisement touts Marine Eye Remedy for red weak and watery eyes with granulated lids. It claims oculists compounded formula used by physicians and marketed by Wirline Eye Remedy Co Chicago with bottles priced 26 cents to 60 cents.
An old advertisement promises Pazooint cures for piles with a 6 to 14 day refund if ineffective and touts Mire Winslow’s Seething Syrup for children teething soothing gums reducing inflammation and wind colic. The copy also contains a sexist aside about women and a moral quip.
A vintage advertisement urges readers to take Father John's Medicine at the onset of a cold to cure it naturally. It warns that long lasting colds can cause throat and lung trouble, and claims the product prevents pneumonia while acting as a tonic and body builder with no alcohol.
Appleton Wisconsin Miss Crozia M Bauer credits Lydia E Pinkham Vegetable Compound for relief from two years of sickness and monthly pain. A Geneva Iowa school teacher Miss Minnigz Saver reports improvement after using the Vegetable Compound and Blood Purifier and highly recommends the remedies.
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