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Newspaper
Choteau Acantha
Location
Choteau, Montana, United States of America
Date
Jul 09, 1913
Page
7
A humorous exchange has one man recalling a passerby he mistook for an umbrella dealer due to the abundance of shower baths. The quip plays on the illogic of the mistaken identity and the joke’s punchline about rain and umbrellas.
Tony comes from the old country to work as a section hand in America. He asks for a vacation to attend his wedding, but the foreman worries he would spend the money and return broke. Tony insists, saying he would like to be there for his marriage.
Peoria Mayor Woodruff criticizes modern editions of Mother Goose tales calling them spoiled and revised. He likens revised readings to an unsatisfactory marriage pivoting on a joke about a wife and husband debating changes.
Rita Reese argues the ideal wife is not a mere figurehead but a versatile partner who shares work and life, supports her husband through fortune and hardship, and remains a loving confidante and inspiration. She emphasizes adaptability, mutual respect, and enduring love as core traits across eras.
Callerani a former cavalry sergeant posed as police to confront Princess Herculan i at Bologna. He presented a $300 black hand demand and tried to take jewels. The princess refused, fired twice, struck him, and alerted aides. Police captured him after he failed to escape.
A London Chronicle excerpt notes that after-dinner speeches in the United States are often prolonged past midnight. It cites American toast lists and quotes James Russell Lowell on the ingredients of after-dinner oratory, including joke quotation and platitude.
The London Bystander describes a parrot dealer praised as a saint who sings "givine beautiful" and claims a bird converted numerous parrots, though some parrots are not used to swear. The exchange remains humorous and quizzical about language and manners.
A humorous snippet shows Old Mr. Jones in steep decline as a driver loses control during a downhill moment. A passerby quips about the brakes being at fault, capturing a light local exchange.
In a gray afternoon Walter William trudges to Sunday school only to lose a new penny. He confesses the loss to his mother and blames the coin destined for Sunday school. The anecdote ends with a humorous twist as his reply lands the blame squarely on the wrong penny.
Miss Pansy Hutchins of Sioux Falls describes two years of facial rash with large scabs and itching. After using Cuticura Soap and Ointment, the inflammation faded in two days and the rash disappeared in four weeks, with complete clearance reported.
A traditional tale highlights Alexander Graham Bell recalling that valuable lessons come from unlikely sources. A Persian poet explains his philosophy by saying he learned from the blind who never progress without first trying the ground.
Edmund Candler reports the Dalai Lama in Lassa during Younghusband’s expedition reacted with unease to a phonograph. The Nepalese resident described a recent gift from the Nepal Maharaja to the priest king. The device played an English band piece and a Bhutanese song before the Dalai Lama concluded it could not live with this voice without a soul.
British chemists report a method to convert sawdust into sugar by digestion in a closed retort with weak sulphuric acid at 90 to 100 psi. From a ton of sawdust they obtain about a quarter ton of fermentable sugar, called saccharose, with eighty percent fermentable yield.
A vintage advertisement urges mothers to examine Castoria bottles for the signature of Lu 0ba, touting its use for over 30 years. It highlights that children cry for Fletcher's Castoria, branding the product as a safe remedy for infants and children.
A judge quips about Shoreville as a vacation spot prompting questions about enjoyment. The exchange suggests a lighthearted legal figure endorsing a seaside destination as a playful suggestion. No formal travel guidance issued.
Bath affected areas in a solution of two teaspoonfuls Tyree's Antiseptic Powder to a pint of water to relieve irritation. Available for 25 cents at all druggists or samples sent free by J. S. Tyree of Washington DC. Dogs are the best friends and always offer sympathy without questions.
A Fargo based doctor Dr J H Rindlaub highlights common fears, noting that the average man fears a storm nearly as much as his wife. The remark appears in a local health feature from the period.
Canada reports a strong fiscal year with revenue reaching 168 million dollars, a rise of 32 million from the prior year. The Finance Minister notes consistent monthly gains from customs excise and railways, and a debt reduction of 23 million, reflecting high domestic credit and favorable finances despite global stringency.
Dr. H. Lucas Wentworth lauded a rational approach to marriage at a Cleveland address. He argued the rational view leads to happier marriages and illustrated it with a dialogue about enduring love and perpetual loveliness.
A new plant in London with a 40000 quart daily capacity produces milk from vegetables mainly soya beans. The product is said to taste like real milk and lasts longer while remaining free from disease germs. It sells for six cents a quart.
Dialogue features a man and a woman discussing laundry work. The man asks if his work is being hung on the line and the woman notes hers is. The exchange captures domestic humor and everyday life.
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