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Newspaper
Brainerd Dispatch
Location
Brainerd, Minnesota, United States of America
Date
Jan 03, 1890
Page
3
A collage of comic vignettes and anecdotes from 19th century humor pages. Tales range from a would be smokeless tobacco idea to waiter jokes, a phonograph quip, a pedes tale, a quarrel over politeness, a physician mischief, and a dentist gas prank with a twist. It highlights social foibles and shop talk with a breezy, ironic tone.
Senator Voorhees recounts a Indiana case where a woman sued a bank. The judge’s sympathy swayed the court yet the verdict favored the bank. The tale ends with the squire acknowledging sympathy while upholding the law in favor of the bank.
In 1833 John Walker of Stockton-on-Tees made the first lucifer match in England. A Vienna match factory opened the same year. Fourteen years of phosphorous necrosis plagued workers until amorphous phosphorous was used, removing the disease from the industry.
A young man laments his barrage of friends offering medicines and cures. He recounts tasting four pills three elixirs and two catarrh cures while trying to oblige friends who seek him to test their remedies. He fears the habit will be his undoing as he walks away sadly.
June marks Waterloo and Bannockburn as decisive battles of liberty and union. Magna Charta sealed in June. births include Dr. Arnold and Kingsley, with deaths of Muhammad and Garibaldi noted. The Glasgow Herald highlights Queen Victoria's 1838 coronation as a major June milestone.
Advertisers display odd appeals in a London street scene with claims of honest service and warnings against deception. Cards promise horses cared for by a devout youth, a boarding house advertises eight rooms and an acre, and a shoe dealer touts cheap styles while urging quick purchase. A hotel advertises ongoing operation by the widow on a new plan, and a wireworks maker invites the public to view invisible fences.
A prominent businessman known to locals spent forty two hours riding in a hired carriage while intoxicated. He has a pattern of long drunken rides, recently a thirty six hour trip, with four horse changes in one journey. The report notes he is well known among local social circles.
Dr. Domincos Treime of Rio Janeiro reports proof from experiments on 10 000 people in Brazil showing attenuation of yellow fever microbes offers protection against the disease.
Mr. M. Nyberg, who drew one twentieth of the Louisiana State Lottery's $100000 second prize, leaves the city to visit his mother in Michigan. He had long invested monthly in the lottery and used the winnings to fund a vacation, with the bank forwarding $5000 cash after the ticket was mailed to New Orleans. Nyberg plans further real estate investments in Montana and continues monthly lottery investments.
A Chicago Herald tale from Brain wood recounts a Scottish woman new to America who mistakes string beans for edible after being told to string and boil them. She sits with beans in her lap using a needle and thread, while a neighbor and grocer watch and laugh at the culinary lesson.
Catherine Cole in Picayune tells of a forlorn old man on an ox cart with his goods. He travels seeking a place where locals avoid scandal. A plump country lady adds a peaceful village view and a note on religious awakenings.
A Clark Street restaurant worker says she has never received a tip in her years in the business and notes this is the first time she was offered one. She explains that tips are not allowed for waitresses and contrasts experiences with male servers in other cities and settings. Chicago Tribune.
A husband refuses his wife's wake up attempts and flings a boot as nine o'clock passes. By ten thirty he finally rises for his busy day, provoking bitterness as she recalls her failed efforts to rouse him. The scene captures domestic strain and frustration.
Ernest Redforth, a two and twenty year old clerk in the foreign office, plans to spend Christmas alone in London. Amid a flood of family letters urging reunion, he abandons the idea and heads to Fossett Hall in Hampshire with gifts. The story hints at a moral urging duty to family during the holiday season.
Ernest watches as Ellen and Mary guide a late afternoon service at Fossett parish. A soft voice from the rafters guides him to assist Mr. Fenton yet lingers with a hidden mystery and a possible confession to the clergyman.
A young man Ernest Redforth saves a widow in peril at a church when a ladder collapses, earning a ring from Mrs. Leigh who later turns out to be the widow’s guest and Mrs. Redforth’s guest with a mysterious return of the gift. Ernest meets the elegant Mrs. Leigh at a Christmas dinner, recognizing her voice and presence.
Ernest Redforth loves Mrs. Leigh and hides a diamond ring. She discovers his feelings, hints at marriage to Mr. Fenton, and later reveals her new wealth from a lawsuit granting her three thousand a year. The ring remains with her as she weds another.
A New York Sun detective warns that most city crimes are hatched in boarding houses. He says life there breeds scandal and concealment, with workers and their spouses sneaking around Broadway while husbands stay downtown. He notes women in boarding houses take risks, and upper-town life lacks detection.
Mr Gladstone offers conjectures on pork use across ancient economies. He suggests sanction or restriction in warm climates like Egypt and Phoenicia, thrift keeping pork popular among the frugal, pork kept for food despite laws, possible Phoenician spread to Greece, and classed pork uses from luxury to common fare as reflected in Homeric Odyssey imagery.
An Ocean writer extols sea birds especially gulls for endurance and flight above storms. Their physiology and behavior are described, including sleepless flight and habit of resting on wings, with humorous sailor antics using tied twine and blubber to tease gulls as ships pass.
An ambitious Vienna physician Dr. Hoffman tested artificial glanders bacilli after acquiring a colony from Dr. Kowalski. He found the poison remained deadly, injected it into animals, then contracted the disease himself. His body developed ulcers and he died in hospital, ending in unconsciousness.
In early 17th century Paris physician Renaudot built a news network by printing a weekly sheet to inform his clients. The format began as newsletters with irregular editors, then weekly publications, and eventually daily papers, shaping the origins of modern newspapers.
A Virginia company forms to build railroads in South America. In a Bangor News recount, Dr. Hardy initially hesitant, takes a buckshot shot at a turkey but aims at a high flying eagle and hits it, earning awe from militia marksmen and a reputation as a sharpshooter.
Ad copy asserting universal benefit or cure for liver, blood, and lung diseases with a money back guarantee. Claims torpid liver, billiousness, impure blood, skin eruptions, scrofulous sores, swelling, and consumption respond to the medicine. Describes it as tonic and blood cleansing.
A man asks how to turn $3000 a year into $12000. An Atlanta resident suggests moving to a small town near Atlanta with a few wealthy residents where $3000 can seem lavish, making a wife a respected figure and delivering more fun than city life.
The Palazzo Morosini in Campo San Stefano Venice is for sale with its entire contents. The palace is preserved exactly as it was 300 years ago when home to a doge, a rare exemplar of a sixteenth seventeenth century Venetian patrician residence. Five thousand miles of railroads have been built in the United States this year.
Five members of a Christmas sleighing party in British Columbia were killed when a tree toppled onto their group. Authorities investigated the accident and identified the deceased, with recovery teams working at the scene.
Men insist their aspirations are high but constant coughing and nose toward the earth signal illness. Adam, a praised man since birth, lacked Salvation Oil for rheumatic pain and 25 cents to try it, highlighting the need for Dr Bull’s Cough Syrup in time.
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