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Newspaper
Advance Hustler
Location
Advance, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Jan 16, 1913
Page
3
Advert suggests Miss Freezem lending éclat for a function while joking about loans and mischief with a playful tone. It references Mrs. Austins Bag Pancake and grocers. The piece mixes proverbs with light humor and pseudo ad lines.
In a brief dialogue a star boarder and a landlady debate seasonality and wealth. Dustin Stax remarks on disparity between his labor and the servants’ unhindered enjoyment, while the prune remains a rare exception amid luxury.
A newlywed wife in Muncie visits a department store to buy four pairs of socks for her husband. When asked for size, she replies that he wears a 14 collar, revealing limited knowledge of his measurements. The brief item mirrors wry U.S. city humor from the Indianapolis News syndicate.
A Mexican laborer in San Bernardino had two beans removed from his head after months of severe pains. One bean had sprouted into an embryo plant nearly an inch long, growing through the ear canal after entering via the left ear.
In a domestic vignette Mrs Oldcastle asks about Thucydides as Mrs Gottalotte contemplates a Limp Feather Edition of the Classics. They note they never have fresh copies, only canned editions, and their grocer rarely stocks them.
Dialogue fragment shows Tom and Pd trading grim talk about laying down life or multiple lives for someone named Tabby. Tone suggests a street scene or dramatic confrontation with emphasis on sacrifice. No other details provided.
A fragment of a cartoonish dialogue contrasts Clara Brown misjudging her husband to a bigamist millionaire joke. An English parliamentarian comments on rising wages versus prices, and a Western tourist encounter mocks Indian encampment progress with a patent medicine punchline.
A brief dialogue frames a shared motto between a politician and a banker. The politician confirms the motto on the door reads Push, paralleling the banker's expression and underscoring a common stance or call to action.
The short verse portrays a husband grieving as his wife vows to leave yet remains, a wry expression of broken resolve. It captures domestic irony with a restrained, period tone.
A promoter from an unspecified western area tried to sell shares to a Penn Avenue clerk. The clerk refused, noting the mine’s proximity to the Skinned Cat and joking about living next to a steel magnate’s mansion, implying no real value.
A Scribbler states he is thinking seriously of writing a book. The dialogue notes concerns about the high cost of white paper and cautions against approaching the task with levity.
A club speech on gender roles uses a satire about a meek husband and a formidable wife. The piece plays on expectations of power dynamics within marriage.
A man responds to a boast of amassing 50 million dollars by saying he will not chase more wealth. He explains his aim is to align his conscience rather than pursue a hundred million, contrasting material gain with moral resolve.
In a humorous strip Jinks riffs on the old saying wolves in sheep clothing as a man orders spring lamb in a cheap restaurant prompting Blinks to ask when. The gag centers on misdirection and a punning play on food and deception.
A fragment notes rain dampening plans and refers to someone winning six lids on election bets, implying a turbulent betting scene amid unsettled weather without full context.
The inquisitor states belief that the star witness's name, business and residence were given fully and accurately in response to opening questions. The testimony centers on establishing verifiable facts from the witness.
A judge quips about Swampville as a slow town where a second drummer notes frogs three years old still learning to swim. The exchange highlights humor in local speech and timing.
A witty exchange hints at a woman whose bold gesture captivates others. The remark plays on perception and charm, suggesting her allure without detailing any explicit action.
In a shop scene a salesman asks about room sizes and directs the customer to carpet remnants two aisles to the right in a flat dwelling. The dialogue highlights a sales interaction and product guidance.
A lively guest declares a broomstick act for the Halloween party but the hostess lacks a broom. He proposes using a carpet sweeper as a workaround, eliciting a hesitant, comic exchange.
A father confronts a teen caught with cocktails. The youth explains it is a Halloween game, a playful ducking for cherries in a lighthearted misadventure.
A father explains to his son about the costly bills tied to Easter bonnets. The dialogue touches on parental finances and the tradition of dressing up for the holiday.
Poignant verse recalling birthplace and the moment a son entered the world through a small morning window, reflecting on family memory and lineage with intimate imagery.
A sharp remark about a wife’s diamonds follows an evening at the opera. The banter reveals social tones and subtle scandal in a domestic setting.
A clipped exchange contrasts inheriting money with acquiring education, noting one can hire education if wealth exists. The dialogue highlights tensions between wealth and learning and the perceived value of formal schooling.
A blonde woman bristles at being asked for her dressmaker while a brunette jokes that she thought the woman used an upholsterer. The exchange reveals social teasing at a fashionable gathering.
An obscure judge's remark compares Squirs Simmons to a windy winter day with little sleighing, suggesting a tempestuous, impractical character through a colorful simile. The line uses a regional, informal tone to characterize him by weather and activity.
A playful exchange contrasts old fashioned stone inscriptions with the imagined difficulty of typing on early typewriters. The banter underscores nostalgic views of communication from antiquity to modern devices.
Redd claims the automobile is worthless and cannot be sold. Greene suggests turning the car “turtle” to make it sell as soup, implying it would be broken down or repurposed for food.
A well known soothsayer warned of a marriage to a poor man. The woman wed a millionaire instead, provoking shock and the quip Poor man! from listeners who heard of the match.
A playful exchange between a dealer and a customer centers on souvenir spoons that resemble forks, prompting amused dialogue about correct utensil design and expectations.
A dialogue shows a homeowner questioning the ethnicity of a furnace inspector. The man in question is described as black, complicating racial assumptions about the Greek stereotype referenced.
A playful exchange shows a contrast between romance and pragmatism. The diffident youth asks if she can learn to love him while the practical girl focuses on money, clarifying this is a marriage proposal, not a wager.
Wingfield frets at sister Jean for trimming hats while she dreams aloud of finer things. He funds her desires, yet she insists on modest living. Billy Treptow visits, and Jean cooks as Billy holds her hand, rekindling a shared past.
Mr. Stormington Barnes reports the audience reacted with intense enthusiasm and demanded to participate, breaking into the performance with impromptu dialogue while attempting to join the battle scene on stage.
A heated scene unfolds as the end-seat hog draws attention and provokes disagreements among fans. Calls rise about whether he should stay, while others defend the seat’s appeal and attractions.
An old advertisement explains how back pain, stiff joints, and tired nerves signal kidney weakness. It praises Dean's Kidney Pills as a fast, non habit forming remedy that improves circulation and reduces poison buildup in the blood.
A column of brief vignettes and quips with stray stories and humor. Fishermen Daniel and Flarvey drift through a comic accident while calling for late trains to Lonelyville and a Scottish doctor bungling rabbit shooting adds rural wit.
A weary traveler named Dubbleigh, stranded with a dead gasoline supply on a Sunday, pleads for fuel at a roadside hotel. The landlord refuses sale that day but offers a room for seven dollars, providing shelter for the night.
A brief exchange centers on roses given by Robert Basqueau to a recipient shortly after his wife’s death. The conversation notes the belated gift value, the timing of Basqueau’s loss, and the ensuing realization of possible social tension as the scene shifts with wind and rain.
A surgeon testifies to insomnia and indigestion from coffee and caffeine. He reports improved health and steadier hands after switching to Postum, praising its instant form and uniform flavor. The ad promotes Instant Postum, its usage, pricing, and sample offer from Battle Creek, Michigan.
Dr. L F Kebler asserts 99 percent of cocaine and morphine in the United States is used by people who formed the habit through physicians prescriptions. He warns that doctors overindulge and state laws fail to curb the drug grip. Dr J A Patterson adds that most patients seeking treatment for drug habit originated from physicians prescriptions.
A large woman in a theater refuses to remove her oversized hat after an attendant asks. She mocks the complaint and replaces the issue with a quip about removing the gentleman behind her. The exchange ends with a sharp, humorous escalation.
On January 27, 1778 Don Bernardo de Galvez, governor of the Spanish Louisiana region that included Missouri, petitioned the king of Spain for aid to settlers along the Missouri and Mississippi rivers. He asked for Negro slaves on credit to cultivate flax and hemp, payable with the crops.
Numerous farm properties and acreage listed for sale or trade across the United States and Canada. Highlights include Desoto County Florida vegetable land with orange trees, 170 acres in Michigan with house and barn, 140 acres in Fall River South Dakota with fruit trees, and Cameron County Texas well watered cultivated land. Listings feature owners and contact hints such as JAMESON Punta Gorda FL and LEE Baltimore MO, among others.
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