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Newspaper
Yorkville Enquirer
Location
York, South Carolina, United States of America
Date
May 29, 1908
Page
4
A Philadelphia Ledger humorous item recounts an Indiana justice of the peace who presided from a fence on the Ohio line. He ordered peace in the name of Indiana, but the fence gave way and toppled him into Ohio, crying I’ve lost my jurisdiction as he fell.
A father's annoyance over his son's forgetfulness is highlighted as he laments the boy cannot recall the latest election figures. Mrs Harding expresses concern, and the father suggests writing down numbers to avoid memory lapses, contrasting their approaches to memory.
George Conklin, famed animal trainer, tells a reporter that gentleness is key in training. He warns against sudden actions and recalls a Scottish host who joked about muffins, illustrating hospitality and calm under pressure.
An expert at two major naval banquets in San Francisco used a new method to collect and absorb all smoke. Col. George Pippy recalls a dairy cook who tried to condense kitchen smoke with a bag on the chimney, sparking a small roof fire and a warning to keep quiet.
Jane Addams at a Chicago dinner mocks wartime beauty obsessions. She cites women who mock suffrage yet spend hours with electrical massage devices face steaming masks and flesh reducing machines. An elderly woman dyed her hair gold and asked if it made her look younger. The response was Yes about three weeks.
A Chicago geographer recalls how explorers like Peary received all sorts of mailed items before journeys. He notes George Ade once warned Peary of a package sent by express marked for the furthest north, which proved to be a small keg labeled axle grease for the pole.
A Washington Star quotation portrays H. K. Adair commenting on Paterson anarchists. He compares their view of freedom to his son Bill’s simple question about entering a circus without paying. The exchange satirically questions limits on liberty in a free country.
Two Irishmen Pat and Mike improvise a joke when their supply of riddles runs out. Pat asks a riddle about a creature around a barnyard in feathers and barking like a dog. The punchline reveals the answer is a chicken with Pat noting the dog bark was added to complicate it.
Lancaster County reports say five alleged safe crackers arrested near Wanwyck will be tried in Raleigh on the first Monday in June. Witnesses named include R. P. Horton and Dr. S. H. Bazzell among others. Also noted: obituaries, crop observations at local farms, and school staff reappointments.
A New Thought healer in a studio office explains gossip as a mental microbe tied to Uranus aspects. A worried wife seeks help for untrue rumors about marriage, finances, and health. The reader learns gossip harms only if given power, with tips to stay calm, ignore chatter, and avoid gossips. The piece ends with a brief joke about a pie shop.
The piece recounts William L. Buckley’s tale of limited opportunities for black youths in New York. A bright boy may be offered weeks pay with no long term prospects, while upward mobility is constrained to menial roles ending at head bellboy.
J Henry Gladden of Chester, D C, reports severe back and loins pain years ago. After using three boxes of Doan's Kidney Pills he was cured and has had little kidney trouble since. He first endorsed them on April 3, 1908.
If you consider buying a cabinet organ visit us to view our broad in stock line and prices. We will order any instrument not in stock. We promise competitive prices and a fair deal on sewing machines with cash or credit terms.
The letter argues that while all insurers use similar policy forms the handling of losses varies. It claims some companies are liberal and settle honestly, while others are not. The writer offers expertise with many fire companies and promises a square deal if insured.
A local hardware firm invites customers to remember them for rough and dressed lumber, lime, cement, brick, paints, oils and varnishes, Devoe Paint, hardware, fly screens, lawn swings, and repair jobs. They encourage phone orders for small repairs and emphasize complete project help.
J. J. Keller & Co. will run special weekend trains from Chester South Carolina to Mortimer North Carolina starting June 1 1908. Depart Chester Saturdays at 445 PM reach Lenoir 945 PM Mortimer 1110 PM return Mortimer Monday 700 AM Lenoir 820 AM arrive Chester 1200 PM. The service lets travelers spend two nights in the mountains without missing business. E. F. Reid G P A.
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