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Newspaper
Wilson Mirror
Location
Wilson, North Carolina, United States of America
Date
Dec 02, 1891
Page
3
A collection of humorous sketches and quips from newspapers, including misheard lines about veterans, fashion, and social faux pas. The items parody daily life and public figures with witty one liners and short anecdotes.
A little boy, delighted with rubber boots, persuades his mother to wade a brook with him. He builds a board crossing so she can walk, then, with tender insight, promises not to wade further where she must watch, saying it would tempt her.
The John P. Lovell Arms Company of Boston introduces the Lovell Diamond Safety, a high grade bicycle at a price within average budgets. Established in 1840, the firm is a leading New England manufacturer and dealer in firearms and sporting goods, marking its 50th anniversary last year. The note mentions the nation’s 46,000 oil wells producing about 130,000 barrels daily.
The piece traces Thanksgiving from early colonial practice to state and national observances. It notes Washington's 1789 proclamation and Lincoln's 1864 annual holiday, with New England and New York adopting earlier traditions. It describes common foods and public charitable distributions during celebrations.
A harsh call urges readers to contact B F Johnson & Co of Richmond Virginia for opportunities to raise monthly income, claiming jobs or own business paths can add 4 or 5 dollars per month or more. It contrasts skilled labor, farming, and salary limits with bold claims and warns against delay. It ends noting Britain’s railroad capital at about 4.5 billion dollars.
Frank J. Cheney swears as senior owner of F. J. Cheney & Co in Toledo to pay for each case of catarrh not cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Cure advertised internal action on blood and mucous surfaces with testimonials. Also mentions 44000 French lady teachers and a new Paris socialist league.
A claim notes Syrup of Figs acts gently on kidneys liver and bowels while avoiding cure all pretensions. The text also mentions London returning fifty seven members to the Commons.
An advertisement claims a certain croup cure by an eminent doctor in good standing. It is sold by druggists or mailed on receipt of price. Address A P Hoxsie Buffalo New York. The note mentions a new public library in Chicago planned to hold 50 000 volumes.
An advertisement extols Dr Pierce's Pleasant Pellets as a mild effective laxative and laxative cathartic. It claims permanent cure for sick and bilious headaches constipation indigestion and liver stomach and bowel derangements with vegetable harmless pellets. The copy promises satisfaction guaranteed or money back and emphasizes affordability.
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