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Newspaper
Whitewater Register
Location
Whitewater, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
Dec 13, 1861
Page
1
A surreal, archaic battle poem fragment depicts Cottinienitels and Grenmliers amid gunfire, banners, and marching troops. The piece names provisional figures such as Ellise and bankers, with vivid chaotic imagery of guards, cannons, and stormy skies, conveying a warlike mood.
A secretive group of wealthy and Unionist men forms a Guion Club to help the cause while keeping the old American flag sacred and hidden. The text notes fears of desertion, alleged deception, and warnings of increasing Lynch law as revolts and brutal slave punishments unfold, with suppression of such news to avoid unrest.
In Washington reports the North agrees it is foolish to protect and fund the element aiding government opposition in the South. The piece notes ships and acres confiscation talk is idle without targeting pro rebel forces. Lord Lyons reportedly complained to his government about broken legation dispatches while Seward counters that legation seals often conceal valuable intelligence.
The Secretary of War outlines a plan to redraw Delaware Maryland and Virginia borders to protect the capital. It proposes transferring Alleghany and Washington counties to Virginia and adding Maryland land to Delaware, with slavery policy tied to representation and revival of the District of Columbia. It also discusses arming liberated slaves if necessary and using slave labor as war property, arguing the rebel states’ wealth rests on slavery and must be repurposed to end the rebellion.
A Great Bors, an Italian of St Louis, unveils plans for an electric war steamer 300 feet long and 400 feet wide at a cost of 1.5 million dollars. The vessel features an armored potato shaped hull, electrified upper sections, a revolving underwater bow drill, and magnetic defenses to deter cannon fire and boarding attempts. The inventor claims it could defy foreign fleets and enter cities unharmed, with a model to be sent to Washington for inspection.
In Napoleon's Egypt, a snake catcher is invited to demonstrate in a villa. He prostrates, squirts water, and hisses as a real serpent appears. The General suspects trickery, but the man handles the snake, kills it with a throat squeeze, and then displays the venom and dance, earning praise as a lucky charlatan.
A critique of women’s tendency to venerate and idolize men with real or perceived superiority. The piece notes how great men shield themselves from flattery, cites historical preachers, and reflects on women’s ardent fidelity and flirtation, with a closing note on local name changes and a Wisconsin foundry update.
The document surveys U S post offices 1861 totals 28 680 cases acted on 10 688 including presidential appointments. It cites Postmaster General actions 8 286 and presidential actions 337. It notes Atlantic steamship traffic, department expenditures 1861 15 606 750 and net revenue 12 340 000. It details deficiencies, receipts from dead letters, and the impact of loyalty in mail service, plus a treaty with Mexico and a proposed international rate with Great Britain. It ends with remarks on mail safeguards against treason and the Chief Justice’s authority.
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