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Newspaper
Wauwatosa News
Location
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, United States of America
Date
May 01, 1908
Page
2
Dickson and Wickson are praised for sharp mental capacity. Dickson has a bulging forehead and is called brainy. Wickson is described as brainy and capable of analyzing bridge problems and outlining deductions and six deals ahead.
A sick man tests his lawyer on who will inherit his property after his death. The lawyer affirms the will is strong and tight as requested. The exchange highlights tensions between duty and personal interest in estate planning.
Winthrop E. Stone of Pur due University warned against ignorance in an Lafayette address. He cited a tale of a cattleman who boasted about calf bound books, noting the banker’s quip that he killed all the calf bindings himself.
A Pittsburg Mellon Bank received a letter signed H C Frick requesting a $20 000 loan with promise of repayment plus interest. With little security offered the bank investigated and lent the money. The loan became the foundation of Henry Clay Frick’s vast fortune and later business from the bank greatly exceeded the initial amount.
A Tatler quip recalls the moment Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema was knighted. A lady asks if he will quit painting and live like a gentleman, reflecting the era’s witty regard for honor and art.
In a Brooklyn Life exchange, Hogan and Dugan discuss Mona Hogan-How and her singing. Dugan insists the singing is instrumental music, while Hogan calls him an ignoramus. Keegan claimed it was instrumental enough to prompt him to move two blocks away.
A baby lawyer represents a woman charged with assault and battery in an Indian police court. The attorney delivers a dramatic, flippant defense claiming his client has lost her nose leather and mocks opposing counsel with nautical metaphors and theatrical language.
A quotation from the Minneapolis Journal warns that a person cannot be trusted and should not be allowed to construct grandiose plans, likened to raising a castle in the air by beating upon a bush.
A London Echo item recounts Walter Rothschild narrowly escaping marriage in youth as a designing mother and daughter pursued him. At a watering place the daughter complains of his endless kangaroo talk. Rothschild apologizes from his room and promises to avoid such tales in the future.
A dialogue from the Baltimore American shows a lawyer asking the head of a corporation about its business. The multimillionaire evasively says it makes money, but not exactly like a mint.
A note from Mrs Baker, an old school friend, says she is just starting to live. Ann O Teek is widowed or divorced, as noted in Brooklyn Life.
A quirky courtroom exchange unfolds as a policeman asks Mary what she would do if the master appeared. Mary reveals she was sitting on his knee the night before, prompting a brief, humorous dialogue with the judge observing.
A witty exchange centers on an art collector boasting of buying a genuine Vandyke, prompting a quip about its picture status and a friend’s practical question about horsepower for the automobile reference.
A selection from Everybody's Magazine shows pub lic-school children offering humorous and mangled definitions. Examples include Stability as caring for a stable, a mosquito as the child of black and white parents, and Cannibal as two brothers who killed each other in the Bible. The list highlights faulty logic and miseducation in a candid, comic light.
In Des Moines Col John C Lopez and Milo Ward play a seven year cribbage duel with 376 straight weekly sessions. The score stands 460234 to 455234 with a finish projected in 1915. Both are over 50, one is Polk County sheriff, the other Commercial Exchange secretary.
A Japanese college student reflects on the kiss's rise in Japan over fifty years, noting initial shock but growing acceptance among aristocrats and maidens. She admits personal fondness for the kiss and describes its sensations as a warm, soft shock shared with an eager young man in Parisian attire.
A humorous verse from London Tit Bits recounts Joseph Green wooing Minnie Brown. She demands a suitor with drawing skill, and Joseph, unable to paint, fears loss. He resolves to draw a check, securing her favor as the couple unite beneath a playful misadventure.
Zick Godfrey defends his son Rube amid a theft accusation at Hawthorn mill found missing quarter notes and petty cash. The elder man recalls Sallie’s memory, contemplates trust, guilt, and a second chance from master Hawthorn as the crisis tests duty and fatherly love.
Steel belts replace leather belts in Charlottenburg Germany expanding belt life and reducing size. They do not stretch allow narrower pulleys and smaller shafts. A four inch by one fifth inch belt transmits 200 to 2.5 horsepower at 5400 feet per minute, tests show speeds up to 13 000 feet per minute.
The exchange shows Mrs Murphy admitting Denny is coming home soon after a sentence reduced by good behavior. Mr Ryley notes the original five year term and the year off for good conduct. The dialogue highlights family relief and pride.
Consul Wilbur T. Gracey reports a sharp rise in living costs in China, noting higher rents and wages across Tsing-Tau, Tien-Tsin, Shanghai, and Hong Kong. He compares past and present prices for homes, servants, and daily provisions, and explains how currency fluctuations widen the gap between salaries and the cost of goods.
Durum wheat shows rising production in northern Minnesota, North Dakota, and drier western states. Mills struggle to adapt grinding systems due to high gluten and hardness, while exporters seek it for pasta and France uses it for nutritious bread. Durum yields run 50 to 100 percent above traditional wheats and it resists rust and pests. farmers in drought-prone areas may switch to durum for higher returns and superior animal feed.
Don Marino Torlonia hosts a New York dinner where he compares an American magnate to the Roman hoarder Arpagnio. The tale recounts Arpagnio bargaining over shaving costs as he dies, boasting that four lire and eighty centesimi were saved on his food and barber by leaving minutes unused.
A brief wry quip from Current Literature about marriage aboard a ship. A captain laments his wife leaving him, and a stranger quips that he mistook her for a mate but she proved to be a skipper.
Hieland, a German big game hunter famed for the recent elephant kraal, returns to Colombo after a month’s shoot in Hambantota. He bags two elephants, buffaloes, two crocodiles, a leopard, a boar and snakes, with one elephant measured at about 55 to 55.5 inches for foot circumference and about 9 feet tall. He notes the animal’s size would rank second in Rowland Ward’s records when stuffed to 58 inches. The first shot felled the elephant quickly as darkness fell. the creature halted by a knee shot and collapsed.
A Philadelphia traveler at a globe trotters banner recalls awful inns along South America coast. He cites Peru having jails, then a ranch house sign reading Forty miles from hay Twenty miles from water Two inches from Hades, God bless our home. In Buenos Ayres a restaurant window proclaims American cafe champagne and fried potatoes.
A board of guardians member known as a persistent nuisance clashes with colleagues over a contested scheme. He boasts a history of opposing all, even the ladies, while the chairman warns that the majority does as it pleases unless restraint is shown. Amid laughter the minority takes a seat.
Lord Iverdale hosts after dinner when a burglar is discovered by a maid near the library safe. The butler assigns Jarvis to search while the lord retrieves the desk key and a revolver, promising to join the pursuit discreetly.
Dr Gerrit J Kollen president of Hope College spoke at a Holland Michigan dinner. He recounted quaint juvenile dictionary definitions by children in exams. He offered examples such as Perspiration, Fan, Monkey and Clear Salt with humorous literal meanings.
A teacher defines a philanthropist as one who helps others and imagines giving money freely to the needy as an example. She asks a student, Tommy, what she would be to the class and he answers with a witty retort, illustrating a moment of classroom humor from Woman's Home Companion.
A humorous collection uses misheard phrases and playful misreads like sport hints and referee chatter to lampoon headlines. It blends college culture with witty twists, suggesting a lighthearted, campus oriented gag page.
A dialogue excerpt shows Wise questioning Markley about lending $5 to Borrowman to save his self respect. Markley confirms the loan and his intent, then says he has now decided to reclaim the money and not worry about others' opinions.
Fragmentary exchange shows a Boston girl lamenting feeling alien to Earth while a reckless man speculates on a glacial era. The garbled quotation hints at dialogue over identity and time, with no clear event or outcome.
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