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Newspaper
Warren Mail
Location
Warren, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Date
May 23, 1901
Page
7
A playful verse from Cassell's Little Folks imagines swapping heads between a child and Gear Granny. The narrator muses on how curious and funny both would look, then concludes such a change would be étrange and impossible, ending with a sigh of relief.
In the Santa Inez mountains under a full moon, Vernon and companions confront a crouching mountain lion. Vernon waits for perfect moonlight to aim, fires, and the big cat drops in a precise brain-melted shot. The boys exult over the trophy and plan to have it dressed.
In 1840 David Livingstone faced a lion in Bechuanaland when natives aided him after the beast crushed his shoulder and clawed his body. A native shot killed the lion and Livingstone recovered, earning greater respect from locals.
A boy named Clarence aged five, after harsh punishment for disobedience, visits a family legal adviser and asks to get a divorce from his family. The lawyer, a friend of Clarence, greets him and asks how he can help.
Instructions advise washing hands in tepid water to remove dirt then rubbing with equal parts glycerin and lemon juice before drying. After a quick cold water rinse with soap, keep exposure brief and dry thoroughly, finishing with oatmeal powder.
Eden Valley Minnesota delegates Thomas Regan and C Collins report warm December weather in Calgary and rich grazing and grain lands in Assiniboia and Yorkton. They praise wheat yields of 25 bushels and oats 60, urging others to explore new Canadian districts opened in Assiniboia and Saskatchewan with government agents providing full details.
A Boston Transcript quote notes the irony of a man who mocks mother-in-law jokes while relying on his wife's mother for support and cooking supervision.
May 21 reports from New York Cleveland Toledo East Liberty East Buffalo and Cincinnati detail grain prices for wheat corn and oats plus butter cheese eggs potatoes and livestock values. Wheat ranges from 7514 to 79 cents, hogs trade near 5.95 dollars in several markets, and cattle and sheep prices vary with steers around 5.10 to 5.85 and lambs up to 5.60.
A Boston churchgoer, an elderly lady, attends a musical service and praises a soprano’s voice though she learns afterward the singer was absent due to a cold. Her grandson shares the twist, noting a chorus member filled in, prompting her quip about hearing her without singing.
A promoted notice offers a free sample of Allen's Foot-Ease from Allen S. Olmsted of Leroy New York. The powder claims to cure chilblains sweating damp swollen aching feet and to make new or tight shoes fit. It notes it is sold by all druggists and shoe stores for 25 cents.
A dealer shows a strict cash policy in a brief exchange: the bedstead costs twelve dollars and is not for sale if payment is not in cash. The odd reply underlines a rigid business stance.
A mixed fragment shows a private mailing card for Chicago Milwaukee and St Paul Railway with a ten cent stamp and agent address, plus several short quoted lines and testimonials about medicine and wit. The text includes a Philadelphia Times quip about Mr Schnerer, a 1900 letter praising Piso's Cure, and Beeman's Pepsin Gum promotion.
The London Globe notes a one year old American infant with exceptional muscle development who can grasp a cane held by his father and pull it to his chin. The piece humorously likens the infant to near monkey ancestry and praises Darwinian ideas.
The Chicago, Milwaukee & St. Paul Railway issues an illustrated booklet titled South Dakota Farms describing the Aberdeen to Missouri River region now served by a new line. Those considering relocation may obtain a copy by sending a two cent stamp to F. A. Miller, General Passenger Agent, Chicago.
In the Indianapolis Press a soubrette laments hard luck and explains they had to pawn the magnificent diamond intended for the star, a gift from admirers at every town.
A courtroom quip unfolds as a sculptor-madam notes a compliment from Mrs Richquick about a daughter’s foot and the judge inquires the fee to make a bust. The exchange blends satire with a sharp social bite on art and propriety.
Oil City reports credit balances of 1.05 dollars with no bids on certificates as of May 21.
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