14 Apr 1860
Page 1
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This newspaper page contains 8 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Warren Mail
Location
Warren, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Date
Apr 14, 1860
Page
1
Artemus Ward riffs on show life and gender reformers with raspy humor. He mocks female reformers as he recalls a town encounter then sketches types of women from the rabbit wife to the library matron. A Quaker bully tale and a plum speculation anecdote punctuate his rambling set.
A traveler recalls visiting a condemned young murderer in jail who blamed drink and bad company for his fate. He urges children to heed mothers and avoid bad influences. Interwoven anecdotes include an elderly washerwoman and a morbid joke about death, ending with a remark about Indiana giants on exhibition out west.
A humorous tale from Nashville era recounts Col. W a pompous legislator who instructs his overseer to impound an unruly ox named Big Brindle. The overseer misinterprets the command, delivering a comic miscommunication at a dinner, with rhyming wordplay and a rousing punchline about the ox escaping and confounding the master.
In a Quaker farming community Benjamin senior secretly buys an entire cattle herd from a drover, sidestepping his son Benjamin junior who had planned to purchase a portion. The father urges constant vigilance, saying watch thy father and trust nobody, leaving the implications of family trust and greed to linger.
A long reflective piece argues affectation harms a woman’s looks and that marriage, even when repeating, is a compliment to happiness. It contrasts fashionable dull talk with wit, cites an Alabama suicide jealousy incident, and features a dialogue about Norval on the Grampian Hills. It laments intemperance and urges mutual good, faith, and a hopeful, divinely blessed home.
An eastern paper recounts a tale where a drunken husband is tricked by his wife and a watchman. He is carried to a morgue like room and told he will be cut up for anatomy after being deemed dead. He protests as doctors threaten to cut him up alive if needed.
A humorous pair of snippets features a patient in convalescence weighing prognosis and survival with colorful dialect. Separately, a pretty wife gifts her husband a Havana cigar costing three pence, sparking happiness and a tighter domestic bond as he can now smoke at home.
An old criminal recounts that his downfall began with cheating a printer out of two years of subscription. He says that act brought the devil’s grip on him and set in motion a life of crime before it was too late.
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