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This newspaper page contains 42 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Van Buren News Eagle
Location
Van Buren, Indiana, United States of America
Date
May 22, 1913
Page
2
A collection of satirical quips from the News Eagle editor comments on crime prevention, urban life, and social curiosities. It notes public safety campaigns, odd anecdotes about taxes, fashion, tipping, and aging, with a light editorial tone reflecting urban life in Indiana.
A provocative remark compares exploiting microbes to a person overusing onions. The comment highlights tensions between fair practice and perceived advantage in research, drawing attention to ethical implications and the impact on hardworking scientists.
A wry notice about pricing in meat trade where the customer discovers the butcher profits from the buyer’s bill. The quip underscores sharp pricing and perceived unfairness in a satirical tone.
A stubborn owner dismantled a car and sold the junk parts. The decision affected the vehicle's end, with the remaining energy or movement of the car noted in local reporting.
A Chicago barber provides a fresh egg with each shave, replacing conversation. Patrons express approval as the novelty draws interest and headlines the quirky local business scene.
A businessman arrested for being overly intoxicated was jailed but released when a friend posted bail. The incident followed standard procedures and the bailout reflected typical local responses to public drunkenness cases.
A western man believing he saw snakes while on a spree ran onto train tracks and was severely injured. He faced a serious crash with the train, drawing police and medical attention to the incident.
The New York Sun argues the only affordable residence is Utopia, a place not drawn on any map. The remark frames a satire on cost and hidden havens.
Police in the east say they have strong evidence against several cheese dealers arrested for selling overripe product. Officials declined further details about the cases.
The notice says artificial ice prices will increase next summer as artificial ponds failed to operate during the winter.
A statistician suggests there are 10,000,000 tunes in existence yet modern musical comedy composers appear to know only two or three. The remark highlights a gap between vast catalogues and limited repertoires in contemporary writing.
A remark contrasts the guitar as a musical instrument with dividend payments, noting that while its notes are valued, it has not been known to yield dividends.
A soiled greenback is restored to pristine condition by washing and ironing at a cost of 1 to 10 cents. The average man worries not at all whether his greenbacks are dirty.
A fashion book suggests American women prefer snug gowns. The text remarks that a gown appears full when worn by a heavier woman, highlighting body shape in style commentary.
An insurance statistician claims it costs $15,000 to kill a man provoking commentary on the poor and access to justice in the country. The remark contrasts affordability with human value and prompts discussion on social equity.
A Los Angeles judge grants a wife a divorce after she reports her husband spanked her. The article notes the husband faced a possible assault and battery outcome.
A week of blasts from western Pennsylvania to Maryland spikes fear among workers. At least a dozen killed and scores injured as dynamite and powder go off in mines and magazines. Incidents include 500 sticks exploding at Masontown and 1 700 pounds of dynamite at Eckhart Maryland and an attempted train bombing in Leckrone Pennsylvania.
Washington May 19 The Penrose La Follette motion to require public hearings on the Underwood tariff bill failed 41 to 36. Two Democrats Ransdell and Thornton of Louisiana voted with Republicans while Poindexter of Washington sided with Democrats. The defeat ends a week long delay as La Follette Smoot Gallinger Jones and Clark of Wyoming assailed secret conferences with Simmons Smith Walsh and James backing their party.
A final divorce decree freeing actress Fritzi Scheff from John Fox Jr. was signed by Supreme Court Justice Keogh in White Plains on Friday. The suit was not contested.
President Woodrow Wilson was the guest of honor at the Georgia Bankers Association annual state convention held in Meccon Georgia on Friday May 17. He addressed the bankers as the featured speaker of the event and discussed financial policy and statewide banking matters.
New York May 17 The Lehigh Valley railroad began a system dispatching all trains by telephone and soon will eliminate telegraph instruments.
Washington May 15 A theft of important plans tied to the new giant battleship Pennsylvania has alarmed navy officials. Two months of clues have yielded no suspect as documents vanished from the construction and ordnance bureaus under Watt and Rear Admiral Twining.
John N. Anhut testified in his bribery trial that he never offered Dr. Russell $20,000 to secure Harry K. Thaw’s release. He claimed Thaw retained him for another case and arranged a $25,000 contingency fee with half returned if release failed by January 1 and July 1 this year. Thaw corroborated that he proposed $20,000 to Dr. Russell but said he did not act on it, citing belief in illegality.
Nebraska swirled by cyclones with Seward reporting seventeen deaths and twenty five injuries. Staplehurst wiped off map, Lushton near Seward destroyed, McCool homes damaged but no fatalities. Omaha areas hit by windstorm with limited damage.
Governor Sulzer vetoed the Foley Walker workmen's compensation bill in Albany on Friday. The measure faced strong organized labor opposition and now awaits further action.
A well dressed young man robbed the Drexel Arms in Chicago on Thursday. He felled the clerk with a revolver and escaped in an automobile with 125 dollars.
Walter Hines Page recently named ambassador to the court of St James sails from New York on the liner Baltic to begin his duties in London.
Washington faces a simultaneous publication plan for the American protest and Japanese reply over California anti alien legislation. Gov Johnson’s signature is awaited before transmission. Officials cautious about timing and potential public reaction in both nations.
Four people were killed and seven seriously injured when a Oregon Washington line train from Portland to Seattle was ditched near Lakeview. The incident occurred on May 15 in Tacoma Washington and prompted a major emergency response.
Chicago May 17 Federal Judge Carpenter must approve if Johnson the heavyweight contender and white champion Luther McCarty meet. Arrangements were made by Billy McCarney and Johnson cited money needs and his willingness to share gate receipts. The only obstacle is the judge's consent.
Emma Valladon once world famous as Theresa queen of Parisian music halls died Thursday in Paris. For many years she was an idol of the boulevards and counted admirers by the score.
Mrs. E. D. Fitzpatrick of Marinette Wisconsin looked under her bed Tuesday seeking a man. She found two shining eyes that proved to belong to a raccoon after investigation.
Sparta Wisconsin reports a 70 year old farmer William Hogue beat his wife to death with a club, fatally shot his daughter and her husband, then slashed his own throat and died. The incident occurred on May 16.
In Hutchinson Kansas on May 19 orchardists faced an oversupply of green apples. They deployed gangs of workers to prune and remove surplus fruit from their orchards using hoes and other tools.
A severe storm across central Kentucky between Maysville and Cynthiana on Friday killed 34 year old farmer Ed Maher near Maysville who was struck by lightning.
An 19th century advertisement touts Mrs Winslow's Soothing Syrup for children teething. It claims to soften gums reduce inflammation ease pain cure wind colic and sells at 25 cents per bottle.
The process involves boiling a glass piece in a weak salt water solution and letting it cool slowly. This treatment reduces brittleness and strengthens the glassware.
A reflective note compares aspirational praise with true character citing Baalam who prayed to die the righteous death yet soon after aligned with heathen ways and fell to a rifleman. The passage weighs moral intention against actions and fate.
Miss Katherine McCallister recalls a rash that started on the face then spread to arms and back causing itching burning and sleepless nights. After trying remedies she used Cuticura Soap and Ointment, saw improvement in seven to eight days and complete cure in about eighteen to twenty days. Cuticura advertised with free samples and a 32 page Skin Book from Boston.
The article lauds modern physicians for advances in bacilli culture and preventive serums, portraying them as surpassing ancient magi and medieval alchemists. It highlights scientists like Pasteur Flexner and Carrel as quiet heroes waging a war against virulent diseases.
The article traces Adrianople’s repeated capture and loss across centuries. From Hadrian’s 100s to Constantine and Licinius in 323, Valens facing the Goths, Baldwin of Constantinople in 1205, to Murad I’s conquest and the city’s rise as a Turkish capital until 1453.
A countryman visiting the city mocks local artists by naming Bill Simpkins from his village who can paint cork to resemble marble, claiming it sinks like a stone when dropped in water. The anecdote highlights skepticism toward pretensions of artistic genius.
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