Witty Observations From The News-Eagle Page
A collection of satirical sayings and quips on war peace finance fashion and relationships. The notes touch on neutrality in Europe eye winking humor church gives to politics vanity and marriage with playful aphorisms characteristic of a newspaper column.
Bravery Question Among Judges and Spouses
A Justice named Coward married Bold to a woman named Fearing. Among Coward Bold and Fearing the bravest is asked, highlighting a paradox of names versus acts.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Coward
Bold
Fearing
Humorous Fly Diatribe Defies Sticky Paper and Swat
A light column mocks critics by comparing choosing poets to selecting statesmen in Congress. The subject, Mr. Fly, dismisses the barrage of sharp remarks and shows disdain for sticky paper and the swatter, enjoying his own unbothered stance.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Congress
Mr. Fly
Discussion on mercy of the electric chair versus gallows
Garrett Serviss compares the modern airplane to a winged lobster as a humorous take on how to measure mercy in punishment. The remark sits alongside a quip about needing more information to complete the comparison.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Garrett Serviss
Hell
Rhode Island Proposes Free Lunch Abolition in Saloons
Rhode Island considers ending the practice of free lunches in taverns while noting residents could in hunger travel to Massachusetts or Connecticut for meals, reflecting cross state convenience in the vicinity.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Rhode Island
Rhode Islander
Massachusetts
Connecticut
Bank opens exclusive stocking room for women deposits
A Sacramento bank advertises a stocking room set aside for women depositors only. Critics note the policy could discourage withdrawals or imply gendered banking practices. Local observers question whether such a space affects access to funds and customer trust.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Sacramento
Sparse Fire Reports Raise Grave Fears for Year Ahead
The article notes unusually few fires nationwide and warns that there may be no incidents to report in the coming year, suggesting growing concern over a lack of events in the fire statistics.
Pronunciation Guide Clarifies Przemysl as Pshe-mishl
Authorities confirm the city Przemysl is pronounced Pshe-mishl. If another authority asserts a different pronunciation it would be treated as a closed incident.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Przemysl
War tax scope touches powder and gun parts
A fragment notes war tax concerns include talcum powder and gun powder. It suggests a baby in arms could technically be considered a unit of the military establishment, specifically infantry.
Desk gardener's advice boosts multiple crops per season
One garden columnist urges suburban readers to cultivate intensively and harvest several crops in a single season. The piece contrasts this with the common amateur goal of just one crop.
Prize Fight Editing Earns Fast Money
Editorial musings reveal editing work as a tempting path to rapid wealth in contrast to the risky allure of prizefighting. The remark frames editors as thriving on steady gains rather than perilous sport.
Curlicue Feather on Hats Replaces Wristwatch Trend?
A fashion expert claims the final word in male attire is the curlicue feather on a hat. The piece questions whether this accessory will supplant the wristwatch as a status symbol.
Peace rumors linger amid growing war weariness
Rumors of peace are denied yet persist, with the atmosphere hinting that someone in the conflict grows weary and tired of the stalemate.
Lusitania Sunk by German Submarine With Heavy Losses
News from London and New York report the Lusitania torpedoed off Ireland by a German submarine. Between 500 and 1,000 feared dead, including Alfred G. Vanderbilt, with 1,251 passengers aboard. survivors reached Queenstown and Clonakilty as crews fought to rescue the injured and protect the dying.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
London
Ireland
Cunard
Queenstown
Alfred G. Vanderbilt
New York
Dublin
London Exchange
Lusitania
Cunard Steamship Company
Liverpool
Jones
Admiralty
Clonakilty
Kinsale
Trawlers Dock
Indiana Empire
Flying Fish
Cork
St. George's Channel
England
Queestown
Admiral Coke
Cunard Company
Stormcock
Turner
Historic ship disasters list across decades
A timeline of major maritime tragedies from 1862 to 1914 detailing ships wrecked or sunk, locations including New Zealand, St Thomas, Nova Scotia, the Thames, Gibraltar, Japan, New York, and Canada, with thousands of lives lost and notable vessels such as Or pheum Atlantic Titanic Empress of Ireland.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Orpheum
New Zealand
Royal Mail
Rhone
Wye
St. Thomas
West Indies
Atlantic
Nova Scotia
Thames
Ertogrul
Japan
Utopia
Anson
Gibraltar
LaBourgoyne
Cromartyshire
General Slocum
Hellgate
East River
New York
Titanic
White Star Line
Storstad
Lusitania Cargo Valued At 750000 Insurance Covers All
The Lusitania cargo valued at 750000 is fully insured. It includes 189 packages of military goods valued 62221 and 1271 cases of ammunition worth 47624 consigned to Liverpool. Additional items list precious stones 13350 and other commodities ending with dry goods 19086.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
Lusitania
Liverpool
London
U-14 Sinks Nine British Trawlers in North Sea
The German submarine U-14 was identified after sinking nine British trawlers in the North Sea. Its captain told the crew of the trawler Hector that he had destroyed shipping valued at $750,000 over the weekend.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Hull
England
North Sea
Hector
Tortured by stomach he finds remedy in Mayr's
Walter Spray of Frankfort Indiana describes long suffering from stomach disorders ending with relief after using Mayr's Wonderful Remedy. He reports immediate improvement and claims lasting benefit for stomach liver and intestinal ailments with no distress after meals and gas pressure gone. The ad urges readers to buy with money back guarantee.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Walter Spray
South Second Street
Frankfort
Ind
Mayr
Adv
One Sided Definition of Neutrality
A diplomat defines neutrality as a state of mind that is disinterested and accurate. He asserts that his side of the controversy deserves full support and cannot be questioned.
Denison Coffee Ad Turns into Light Dialogue
A playful exchange centers on Denison's Coffee described as pure and delicious. An irritated neighbor complains about a noisy infant, and the weary father replies with a wry remark about sleep.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Denison
Wise Fool Dialogue Ends In Thoughtful Walk
A tale shows Solomon and a fool walking together. The fool asks why Solomon never talks and jokes that he listens to others wisdom. Solomon replies that he may listen, while the fool says others may listen to his wisdom. Solomon then goes home pondering the exchange.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Solomon
Walter Roberts Faces Moral Question at Theater Window
The theatrical man Walter Roberts, usually quick with replies, hesitated when a woman asked if the current show is moral. He cited caution, saying he cannot judge human nature well enough to answer without risking the patron.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Walter Roberts
Walter
Louisville Times
Colonel Halle and Governors Parade Horses Story
Louis Halle served on Governor Yates staff and joined him in Washington for an inaugural parade. Colonels wore many uniforms, but Washington provided the horses and Halle stayed close to the governor as an orderly delivered messages. The governor noted Halle’s constant presence. Halle admitted the reason was that their horses were a lifelong team.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Louis Halle
Yates
Washington
Colonel Halle
Halle
Reformer's view on modest changes after taking office
When a reformer enters office he is usually satisfied with limited changes. The remark suggests a preference for small alterations rather than sweeping reforms.
Grape-Nuts Aids Health Says Conservative Mass Woman
A Massachusetts woman writes that Grape-Nuts has served her family for five years in sickness and health. She notes it substitutes for meat and, with hot Postum and fruit, supports morning meals during six months of weight and nerve improvements.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Postum Co
Battle Creek
Mich
Wellville
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