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Newspaper
Titonka Topic
Location
Titonka, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Oct 24, 1946
Page
3
A Christmas gift of whisky to an aged servant led to a humorous exchange. When asked how it tasted he replied it was "tea" right. He explained that if it had been better the boss would have kept it, if worse it would have killed him, so it was just right.
The bashful village lad Charlie plans courting, spends an hour getting ready, and returns pleased. His mother asks about the meeting, and Charlie reveals he peeked through a hedge and narrowly escaped getting spotted by the girl.
A wealthy man, seeking marriage, asks if revealing age 60 to a potential bride helps. His friend counsels frankness, suggesting claiming 75 would improve chances. The exchange turns on age perception in courtship.
A dialogue from Mrs Jones questions a quick engagement with Jennie asserting the suitor is well recommended by a past acquaintance. A second anecdote features a dying rich man and his long serving chauffeur who jokes that the trip ahead is downhill and needs no gasoline.
A young bride argues with her husband as she cooks. He knocks the cookbook to the floor causing her to exclaim she has lost the place and has no idea what she is cooking.
Two husbands joke about stopping wives from buying gloves by suggesting a diamond ring as a bribe. The quip hinges on irony that a costly gift could curb spending rather than saving money.
A father jokes his son’s report cards show only D grades and quips about a sixth sense. The story recalls General Grant learning golf in Scotland with a host demonstrating a powerful swing that fails to move the ball, leaving the ball unmoved after two strikes.
A New England farmer faces a stranger asking the value of his prize Jersey cow. He asks in return if the caller is a tax assessor or if the cow was killed by a train, shifting the question to avoid a price. In a separate quip, a worker named Simpkins declines a cigarette, saying you saw it first and offering no claim.
Two men who had quarreled went off in the rain to settle their differences. They fought until one got the other on his back and held him there. Will you give up he asked. No. Gonna say Uncle No. Then will you get on top for a while and let me get under I am getting soaked.
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